Why Yes, Cute Fireman, That *IS* My Ass

curves for women is a great place to work out if you are like me. and by that i mean overweight and out of shape and really not okay with the idea of getting on the treadmill next to some 19 year old who weighs 14 pounds and is wearing a sports bra and running shorts and talking on a cell phone that is way cooler than yours.

right. so the way curves works is that they have a circuit, and you go around alternating between cardio stations and hydraulic machines in a set pattern.

sort of like this:

(picture "courtesy" of their website, completely without permission)

except the excessive smiling seen here is total bullshit.

anyway. not featured in the pirated picture is this machine thing that you are going to have to try and envision. you stand on it, and lean forward while some thing supports your chest, and then you lift one foot, and push your foot backwards against a different thing. sort of like... um...this:



okay. now imagine that while you're happily (but not as happily as those bullshit women in the picture) working out, you are suddenly surrounded by three very loud firetrucks.

[if you do not live in a city, you might find this cause to stop what you're doing and find out what the firetruck activity is about. but when you do live in a city, you assume that loud noises -- even those being emitted from firetrucks 15 feet from you -- are not cause for concern unless you are directly instructed that yes, your building is actually on fire and yes, you should probably leave.]

however, despite the fact that not one of the women working out stopped what they were doing to find out if our building was on fire, every one of us was straining to look through the big windows and glass doors to see the firemen. because this is how city-dwelling women are.

and anyway, the woman running the place did eventually saunter outside (muttering, i should add, "he's a cute one") to ask a fireman what was going on, only to discover that some suspicious "cooking fumes" caused the alarm and there was nothing to be concerned about (see?).

but here is the point. the cooking fumes were extinguished and all the firemen left, just in time for me to reach the kick machine illustrated above. and so i did my reps. and then when i was finished, i looked up, and i realized that a SECRET and SILENT truck had pulled up DIRECTLY outside the window that was DIRECTLY behind the machine and so about a half-dozen firemen were parked in such a way as to be DIRECTLY FACING MY ASS.

sort of like this:


i am so proud.

i mean, i sure showed those cute firemen that i, in the face of grave danger and cooking fumes, can still slowly kick backwards 21 times. go me.