Women Are So SO Crazy
(because men totally make us that way)

"ohmygod i'm worried," confides ShoeHo, who is getting as much work done as i am today.

and in case you're not keeping track, today = friday. which means if you're single and female, you have a weekend ahead of yourself where you have to figure out ahead of time what fabulous activities you're going to engage in because if you don't, you know that you will likely end up hanging out with your married friends drinking boxed wine from a straw.

unfortunately, figuring it out ahead of time usually requires at least two people, one of whom is male.

and that's how the crazy starts.

"what? did He say something bad?" i ask.

"no, i emailed Him at..." ShoeHo looks up her sent email files. "11:21 a.m."

"ShoeHo! it's not even 12:30 yet!" i say, feigning shock and dismay at such crazy behavior.

(because what woman on the planet would EVER start worrying about why He hasn't called as soon as she hits send? no, to do that would be crazy.)

"i know. but...i was waiting...but then, well" she looked at me sheepishly.
"i called and left him a message, too."

GAH! we are so crazy.

"NO NO NO NO NO," i say, all helpful-like. "you can't DO that."

"i know but kristy, he makes me crazy!"

ShoeHo had her first date with Him last week. crazy starts right away.

::post-lunch, back at the front desk::

"kristy, can i be crazy?" asks PinkJaime.

"go ahead," i say.

"okay. He said he was going to call me this afternoon. but i missed a call from the 415 area code, and now there's no message. what if it's Him? do you think it is?"

PinkJaime met her Him last weekend at a party.

"i don't know. maybe. probably."

"why didn't He leave a message!?"

"maybe he was too nervous? maybe he will call back?"

"whatever. can you do me a favor?" she asks.

and here comes the crazy.


"can you call the number and see who it is?"

"um, is that a good idea? don't you think that's weird? and also, if i call the number, how will i know? am i supposed to ask?"

"no, just say you got the wrong number."

"but..." i love that i am not the crazy one today, "if he just says 'hi' and then i say, oh sorry, wrong number, that doesn't help us at all."

"kristy just call it. you know you want to."

at which point i google it and find out that the number belongs to the guy she thinks.

"according to google, it was Him."

"WHY didn't he leave a message!?"

i don't know. i don't know why guys don't leave messages. i don't know why guys take two or three or four or five or six days to call.

i do know that the women i know are all -- whether experienced or inexperienced or playing by The Rules or completely ignoring them -- in one way or another, waiting for that call. and being crazy in the meantime.

ah, fridays.


  1. I have asked this question to guys...and someone told me its that women over analyze EVERYTHING, and guy's don't analyze anything.

  2. I am a guy. an actual real one. and err, I didn't know there were rules. As for analysis... I can't analysis my breakfast, let alone a thing as wonderful, and complicated and confusing as a female... or a relationship. Shoot, its enough to make anyone not leave a message.
    Am praying that there are no boxes of wine insite for you.

  3. Speaking as a guy, I hate to say it, but the main reason guys don't leave a message is that we usually don't know any better. Women are crazy, but guys are stupid (or inept, at minimum).

    On the plus side, it's a good thing. I become socially inept when I'm interested. Sort of like the days of junior high, when I knew a girl liked me because she used to hide my books, jokingly punched me in the arm (HARD!), etc.

    You guys (women) are just more advanced.

  4. I love that you googled his number. That's SO clever!

  5. The worst thing we can do, as women, is attempt to understand what a guy is thinking or not thinking. LOL And *especially* let them know that's what we are doing...it's such a turnoff.

    I find it interesting that women don't apply this same crazy thought process to their relationships with other women (unless they really *are* crazy).

    "I emailed Shirly at 9am to make movie plans for tonight and it's noon and she hasn't emailed me yet. Is she mad at me? Uninterested in being my friend?! What's wrong with me?! Are my thighs too big?"

    "No. She's probably just been obsessing over some guy and too busy to get back to you." ;)

    So why do we do let our thoughts and emotions spiral when it comes to men?! I suggest all women spend a week thinking/being/acting like a guy...you'll find your life *a lot* simpler, very black and white (compared to our tendancy to see everything in shades of grey), and probably find a lot more men flocking to the new, uncomplicated you.

    I'm not suggesting we pull a Carrie and screw like men or treat them badly or something, just that we rid ourselves of some of our own self-imposed neuroses every once in awhile. It's good for the soul.

  6. To paraphrase Lerner & Lowe, "Never be too disturbed if you don't understand what a man is thinking...they don't do it very often."

    When it comes to relationships, I think that the word "think" means something entirely different to women than it does to men. Women grasp the nuance in relationships, while men seldom see anything beyond "is/is not". On the other hand, men do think a great deal, just not about anything that women consider very important.

    I do have a question, though: Would you REALLY rather be crazy like that than drink boxed wine through a straw?

    If wine isn't your thing this weekend, I know where you can get sake in a box. It has a spigot...no straws required!


  7. here's the straight dope. if you want a nice guy that calls back, put down your lemon-drop-cosmo-french-champagne mixer and stroll away from that jock you've been eyeing all night. Put on a pair of nice jeans and trade your Sex in the City Manolo wannabes for some nice Keds and head down to your local nerd hangout. Tons of guys there who don't know the "rules" and will be decent enough to call you back on no less than 5 different pieces of technoloy. Sure, they're a little oily (Doritos can do that)and don't mind the pink eyes (that's from the lack of sun) but believe me, kiss enough frogs and...well it's not as if investing those kisses on some Raider Nation "Yo! Check out my ride,guurl" jock will give you a good ROI anyway. Take a chance. Nerds are funny and witty. Clever and devious (in a good way). And having all that porn on my d:\ drive, well let's just say some of the sex ed lessons pays off (or atleast I'm theorizing it will). Hey, even if you don't have a good time, if you throw nerds a bone, let's just say you will always get a copy of Windows XP on the down-low or atleast a gig of downloaded MP3s. (So what if it's all Creed. God, I love Christian rock.)

  8. We (guys) are stupid. We say what we mean. Women read between the lines. We (or at least me) do not leave messages because we do not know what to say (or how to say it and not be a dork) on the answering machine. I personally like strong-type women and women who have "it". If you do not know what "it" is, then you do not have "it". If you have "it" then you do not worry about when the guys are going to call. You worry about having too many men to pick from. Women are great!

  9. Oh no! I'd hate to think that your weekend plans might be so dull or un-formed that you'd have to consider hanging out with your MARRIED friends. Anything but that! Maybe the man and his bucket are free?

  10. missy, i knew you'd get mad about that -- i'm sure you know it's not personal. (but if you're really offended, you could always up and move 3,000 miles away...)

    and to the anonymous poster suggesting i put away my manolos and try dating nerds, you obviously do not know me at ALL. have you read anything that suggests i could even *walk* in spikey heels? christ, i'm challenged by flip flops. plus, my last three serious relationships were with wicked smart computer geeks (more or less), one of whom refused to own a cell phone.

    basically, i hear what you're saying, but it's not quite that simple...

  11. You can google a phone number??

  12. OMG, hilarious. So I googled the screen name of this gorgeous guy from NY that I met a couple years ago but finally met him for a date in person in SF last week. WHY? Why do I do stupid things like that? I'm such a "what I don't know won't hurt me" kinda girl. His "famous" screen named popped up everywhere. Dating sites, photos, what not...I read the first few lines then closed my browser. My heart was racing like a freaking race horse. It was nothing BAD, but just a different side to him than I imagined. I totally ruined it. Damn!!! I KNOW BETTER THAN THAT. I'm so stupid! *sigh*

    btw, I'm a friend of your co worker Liz. =)

  13. hi valerie,

    yeah, my favorite term *ever* is Beer Googling.

    it's like, instead of beer goggling or "drunk dialing" it's when you have a couple drinks and decide to start googling guys/girls you know, dated, have a crush on, etc.

    and yes -- be careful what you wish for!

  14. Kristy chic!! You crack me up. I found you through craigs list of all places. I saved your blog as a place to go through when I had some time, and this last post was one that I could've written.. did sort of write about as i'm going through the same thing. All my guy friends are having a BALL laughing at my expense as to 'why he hasn't called yet."

    I am learning to be better about this.. Realizing that guys just really don't think the same way we do... but I could be shoeHo there.. especially on a Friday.

    Keep up the great work..

  15. Not mad, silly... S-A-R-C-A-S-T-I-C.

  16. Just for the record, guys have the same anxiety. Only a few weeks back, I made myself crazy waiting for a woman to call me back or return my email.

    And guess what. She was being distant because she'd met someone else.

    Which blows. Because we are perfect for each other.


  17. Ahhhh. The infamous waiting for the phone call.

    Today was attempt 5,498,975 at telepathically sending messages through my cell phone to my boyfriend/mid-break up ex-boyfriend/whatev's. "Call. Ring, dammit. Just dial and let it ring. You want to call me."

    Before I went too nutty, I pretended I was totally over it and put it in my purse across the room and pretended to do some work. Of course, I sat there wondering, "does the phone get a signal inside my purse?"

    If it is possible to annoy yourself, I've become a master annoyance. Face it, I need to tell myself, he's not sitting at home looking at his purse (pants pocket would probably be the most appropriate term...well, depending on the guy) wondering if there's signals. He's probably forgotten where he put his phone and is consumed with whether or not South Park will be a re-run again.

    He makes me completely crazy. And he has no idea how truly crazy I am.

  18. Why are our lives so predictable? I mean, I run around all day doing my thing- work, eat, sleep and still my mind is frequently on men and what they think of me. As as much as that is totally a Girl (note the capital "g") behavior, I wish men sometimes understood that you cannot assume we will all react the same way to any given situation. Sometimes having a great date or making out or sleeping with someone just isn't that big of a deal. Maybe it would be cool with us if it turned into a bigger deal but we're not betting the farm on it. I think men find it inconceivable that while we are crazy a lot of the time, we might not be all the time. You should never assume. All it does is "make an ass out of 'u' and 'me'" (only in some instances all men do by assuming is lose the possibility of any ass at all). ;)

  19. First, let me say that I hate the Rules and I don’t follow them or think anyone should, so please don’t think I'm one of those Rules evangelist. But looking with the clarity of hindsight over my various failed and successful relationships over the years, there's one pattern I've noticed that has few if any exceptions - if a guy really liked me, he was genuinely looking for something long term, and he had more than a smidgen of emotional maturity, he wouldn't wait till Friday afternoon to make a date with me, and he wouldn't do that other (in my opinion even worse) thing with saying something vague like "Do you want to hang out Saturday night?" and then when I said yes, saying "Great, then I'll give you a call this weekend to work out the details" and then wait till like 6:00 on Saturday to actually confirm we were still on, effectively leaving my Saturday night in jeopardy till the last possible minute with me wondering whether I should just call him or whether that's stalker-like, and whether he definitely still plans on seeing me, and trying to decide what the latest time he could reasonably call is and what time I should start worrying, and basically just plain driving me crazy. Nope, the guys who were for real would want to make firm plans with me a few days before the weekend even started, because even though guys are not planners by nature, I was on their mind, they couldn’t wait to see me again, and they wanted to know it was definitely going to happen. I'm not I think saying that you should immediately drop a guy who waits too long to call - after all, we women don’t always want something serious either. Sometimes it's fun just to see where it goes.

  20. I was never the girl waiting for the phone call. I was too busy making plans to even worry about it. Then I meet this guy...he's nice enough and I was just having some fun. Next thing I know, I'm waiting around for his calls. Not planning other things because of the possiblity of a date with him. What?!?! When the hell did this happen? Hello...He was the one pursuing me...when did it flip? Why was I not aware of this change? I don't understand why or how this change happened...It kills me. How do I change it back? And another question...why is the phone so tempting?

  21. if you
    want to know why guys don't call for several days, you
    need to learn how to graph what a friend calls, "The
    Indifference Curve."

    The Indifference Curve is based on the idea that a
    desirable woman would not be interested in a guy that
    is too interested, because that means he might be
    desperate. Obviously, she doesn't want to date
    desperate guys - she wants to date desirable guys -
    who are in demand and thus not desperate.

    So, depending on the region of the counrry, age,
    socioeconomic group, and other stuff in your life,
    there's a period of time during which the guy would be
    perceived as a desirable guy and worth getting to

    If he calls back too early - he must be desperate. If
    he calls back too late - he's an inconsiderate jerk
    and not worth getting to know - unless he's really
    desirable and you are desperate.

    The indifference curve plots time versus likelihood of
    interest. The stages are stalker - desperate -
    desirable - inconsiderate jerk. You can add your own.
    Voice Mail adds an additional dimension, still being

    This does not resolve the question of how lat is too
    late to accept a date. If a guy calls too late in the
    week, it implies he doesn' think she's in demand and
    probably hasn't already made plans. Another
    Indifference Curve.

  22. You've probably already seen this, but it is so true [except in my case]:


    1- HER DIARY
    Saturday night I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.

    Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk, he agreed but he kept quiet and absent.

    I asked him what was wrong he said nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to

    On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving.

    I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say I love you too. When we got home I felt as if had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.

    He just sat there and watched T.V. he seemed distant and absent.

    Finally I decided to go to bed, about 10 minutes later he came to bed and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts where somewhere else.

    I decided that I could not take it anymore so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep.

    I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep. I don't know what to do I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

    2 - HIS DIARY
    Today the Steelers lost, but at least I got laid.

  23. I do agree with you Kristy, I hate that kind of guy who make some promises yet he just broke it. We girls if our guys will told us that they will call of course we will really expect a call from them. However if they call and we were not able to answer it they will no longer call back nor send any text messages. Why is that so? Maybe because they just do what they say that they will only call and if we answered it or not that's it! No more text messages to be sent out! lol.
    Just a stupid thought!!

  24. promises should be broke, if someone who is not capable in doing such thing better not to give a promise to someone you might just hurt her / his feelings


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