The Second To Last Straw

so for all my legions of fans (hi, Dad) wondering what fun, hip, culturally enriching activities i engaged in this weekend, i will tell you.

i drank boxed wine from a straw.

because i know you thought that really i couldn't do much worse than forearm poetry, and then i go and buy boxed wine, and drink it right from the box, with a straw. see how i'm always exceeding your expectations?

but not only did i drink boxed wine with a straw, i took pictures of it because i knew i'd be telling you about it because that is what my life has become. i do stupid things knowing full well i'll be reporting them online to imaginary internet friends. and look forward to doing so.

[aside: you know, i used to tell my boyfriend all my silly goings-on throughout the day. now i tell my blog. you do the math. (KS + AM Blog = my blog is my boyfriend = SPINSTER)]

anyway, the whole boxed-wine episode happened on saturday, when i was rescued from my self-indulgent coffee-shop woe-is-me journal writing by my brilliant friend Missy. she got me and drove me to Ross ("dress for less") to find a proper bag for my yarn. but we were unsuccessful because ross is scary on saturdays and we had to leave because the people in line were too stupid to have to stand behind.

so we then ventured to old navy where i DID find a yarn bag

yay! sequins!

(complete with sequins because that is the kind of girl i am) and also pants that fit (and a pair of pants i'll have to fit into later) and some cute tops. but i digress.

after expending so much energy in badly lit stores, we eventually needed sustenance (indian food) and refreshments (wine). and so we went to the all-organic co-op grocery store on the idea that if i had to get wine, it should at least be healthy wine. right.

and we were wandering around the store in the direction of the Wine Aisle when the aforementioned brilliant Missy proclaimed, "ohmygod, you HAVE to get boxed wine!" spying the all-new organic boxed wine section of the food store. "you can write about it on your blog!"

"yeah!" i exclaimed, thrilled, wishing i had a digicam on me right then and there...before realizing how sad my enthusiasm really was.

and while in the throes of pre-blogging enthusiasm, Dr.Dan (who is Missy's husband because Missy is of course married because she is brilliant and adorable and loveable unlike me who is buying boxed wine to have something to tell my imaginary internet friends) said, "hey look! they have 'individual' boxes of white! that would be better! you could have a box all to yourself!" implying that i am a lush. which i am but whatever.

and since Dr.Dan when not working on his Ph.D. has been known to clerk at BevMo, one would have to take his wine advice. in this case, he advised that white wine from a box is "probably better" than red wine from a box.

very helpful, Dr.Dan.

so but then i start to worry. "well, but what kind of white wine is it?" i ask. because even in my excitement i realize that picking out wine for its color, size and packaging isn't maybe the best idea. and clearly i have standards.

Dr.Dan inspects it and informs me that it is "Bandit" wine. and then he laughs at me.

"um, but does it say if it's chardonnay? because i won't drink chardonnay," i point out. (aren't you proud of me, Dad? see? no chardonnay!)

", it doesn't say. it says it's italian white wine."

a-ha! i think. italian. good thing we had an expert with us. because really, how could i pass up italian ?

then on our way to the checkout, Bandit wine in hand, Missy (in her infinite brilliance), says "look -- the plastic cap just screws off! you could just drink it with a straw like a juice box!!"

yes, yes i could. this is why these are two of my best friends in the world. and how it came to pass that we left the all-organic co-op grocery store with boxed wine and three straws.

(here you see we have just opened the box of wine and posed it for this picture. originally, we wanted to avoid having my hand and a shadow of my hand in the picture, so brilliant missy had the idea of taping a straw to the inside of the cap. but that one slipped and fell in.

which meant that not only was i drinking wine from a box, i was drinking wine from a box that had a stray straw and piece of tape floating in it.)

to summarize, yes. for my First Saturday Night as a fun, hot, hip single chick living in one of the greatest cities in the world with great friends and even new clothes, i stayed inside and knitted while drinking boxed wine from a straw.

class act

the second-to-last straw, to be exact.

is that prophetic or what?


  1. Mmmmmmmmmm...boxed wine. You ever do that thing with the bigger boxes (with the tap) where you hold the box over your head, open your mouth and open the tap, kind of like a keg stand? Because I sure haven't ;)

  2. Oh PLEASE... You make it sound like I twisted your arm and FORCED you to engage in boxed wine drinking when the fact is that you barely even flinched at the suggestion. :P

    A few other tidbits Kristy forgot (opted?) not to mention (for those of you playing along at home)-- In addition to the box 'o wine, we also had a bottle of decent white wine and a bottle of very yummy red wine. And we (ahem, kristy) didn't didn't just knit... no, no, no. We watched 2 cartoons (The Incredibles and The South Park Movie) and quite possibly the worst teen film ever made (Win A Date With Tad Hamilton). See? Now the first Single Saturday sounds MUCH cooler. Right? RIGHT?

    And why do I get the feeling that "brillant missy" should be read with a sarcastic edge? Kristy?

  3. this is why i love you.
    *dreams of a time when there are no impending papers, projects, or exams*

    -el snarkster

  4. Straws prevent you from getting a boonestache. You must wear your boonestache proudly.

  5. Drinking boxed wine with a straw has got to be more dignified than just tipping the box o'wine up and drinking it straight. And with the straw method, the chance of spilling is seriously minimized. :)

  6. So does the straw come glued to the side of the box, just like those wee HiC boxes we used to drink as kids? Because that would be awesome.

  7. hey megan,

    has anyone told you you are a marketing GENIUS?

    move over, bartles & james!!

  8. Holy crap, wine juice boxes. I can't believe I never thought of that. That is the greatest thing I've ever seen. Now, where can I get me a margarita juice box?

  9. K,
    Just found your site (thank you best of craigslist) and wanted to say you are fantastic. I'll add your blog to my favorites and when my life consisting of a 60 hour work week in NYC, a high-maintenance husband, and three terrorists (oops I meant teenagers) overwhelms me (which is daily), I'll come here and laugh...


  10. hey, that's Three Thieves wine. It's not bad stuff.

  11. Wine in a box is just a juice box for adults. We should embrace boxed wine.

    Of course, I had boxed wine at my wedding, and look how that turned out.

  12. next time get a one of those curly straws, they say it makes you drunk faster...

  13. I actually met one of the Three Theives boxed wine guys at the Boston Wine Expo. he was pretty HOT actually. I think I should send him a link to this!

  14. ohmy GOD you are so funny! No one makes me laugh, do you understand? No one! (except seinfeld, curb your enthusiasm, will ferrel, adam sandler, my dog, jodi, and farting)...

    Next Bay to Breakers can we walk together??

  15. Yes Tanya Kristine, I just need to reiterate. Kristy, you are hilarious!

  16. You are too cute.

    And way too funny. You made me laugh out loud at work. That doesn't actually suggest that I'm really working, you know. So cut it out.

    (But really, don't.)

  17. Ive been reading some of your older posts today. effing hilarious! I think you are simply fabulous

  18. Ah, I love this post. I too have enjoyed a single serve Adult Juice Box of the Bandit myself.
    Perhaps more than once, but you'd be hard pressed to find any witnesses that would testify to it.


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