The Second To Last Straw

so for all my legions of fans (hi, Dad) wondering what fun, hip, culturally enriching activities i engaged in this weekend, i will tell you.

i drank boxed wine from a straw.

because i know you thought that really i couldn't do much worse than forearm poetry, and then i go and buy boxed wine, and drink it right from the box, with a straw. see how i'm always exceeding your expectations?

but not only did i drink boxed wine with a straw, i took pictures of it because i knew i'd be telling you about it because that is what my life has become. i do stupid things knowing full well i'll be reporting them online to imaginary internet friends. and look forward to doing so.

[aside: you know, i used to tell my boyfriend all my silly goings-on throughout the day. now i tell my blog. you do the math. (KS + AM Blog = my blog is my boyfriend = SPINSTER)]

anyway, the whole boxed-wine episode happened on saturday, when i was rescued from my self-indulgent coffee-shop woe-is-me journal writing by my brilliant friend Missy. she got me and drove me to Ross ("dress for less") to find a proper bag for my yarn. but we were unsuccessful because ross is scary on saturdays and we had to leave because the people in line were too stupid to have to stand behind.

so we then ventured to old navy where i DID find a yarn bag

(complete with sequins because that is the kind of girl i am) and also pants that fit (and a pair of pants i'll have to fit into later) and some cute tops. but i digress.

after expending so much energy in badly lit stores, we eventually needed sustenance (indian food) and refreshments (wine). and so we went to the all-organic co-op grocery store on the idea that if i had to get wine, it should at least be healthy wine. right.

and we were wandering around the store in the direction of the Wine Aisle when the aforementioned brilliant Missy proclaimed, "ohmygod, you HAVE to get boxed wine!" spying the all-new organic boxed wine section of the food store. "you can write about it on your blog!"

"yeah!" i exclaimed, thrilled, wishing i had a digicam on me right then and there...before realizing how sad my enthusiasm really was.

and while in the throes of pre-blogging enthusiasm, Dr.Dan (who is Missy's husband because Missy is of course married because she is brilliant and adorable and loveable unlike me who is buying boxed wine to have something to tell my imaginary internet friends) said, "hey look! they have 'individual' boxes of white! that would be better! you could have a box all to yourself!" implying that i am a lush. which i am but whatever.

and since Dr.Dan when not working on his Ph.D. has been known to clerk at BevMo, one would have to take his wine advice. in this case, he advised that white wine from a box is "probably better" than red wine from a box.

very helpful, Dr.Dan.

so but then i start to worry. "well, but what kind of white wine is it?" i ask. because even in my excitement i realize that picking out wine for its color, size and packaging isn't maybe the best idea. and clearly i have standards.

Dr.Dan inspects it and informs me that it is "Bandit" wine. and then he laughs at me.

"um, but does it say if it's chardonnay? because i won't drink chardonnay," i point out. (aren't you proud of me, Dad? see? no chardonnay!)

"uh...no, it doesn't say. it says it's italian white wine."

a-ha! i think. italian. good thing we had an expert with us. because really, how could i pass up italian ?

then on our way to the checkout, Bandit wine in hand, Missy (in her infinite brilliance), says "look -- the plastic cap just screws off! you could just drink it with a straw like a juice box!!"

yes, yes i could. this is why these are two of my best friends in the world. and how it came to pass that we left the all-organic co-op grocery store with boxed wine and three straws.

(here you see we have just opened the box of wine and posed it for this picture. originally, we wanted to avoid having my hand and a shadow of my hand in the picture, so brilliant missy had the idea of taping a straw to the inside of the cap. but that one slipped and fell in.

which meant that not only was i drinking wine from a box, i was drinking wine from a box that had a stray straw and piece of tape floating in it.)

to summarize, yes. for my First Saturday Night as a fun, hot, hip single chick living in one of the greatest cities in the world with great friends and even new clothes, i stayed inside and knitted while drinking boxed wine from a straw.

the second-to-last straw, to be exact.

is that prophetic or what?