right. well, it turns out i can't magically lose 10 pounds in three weeks. much as i think i should be able to because i've been pretty damn good on this thing and i totally deserve it.
so i am not a size 12 yet, despite my wishing really hard.*
even though my version of the SBD is so like, not the Real version. the Real version involves things like preparing foods. which in turn involves buying foods that need preparing. and this is where i falter.
take for example the sad fact that in my refridgerator at home, i currently have: butter. sugar. one bottle of salad dressing from my first (only) dinner party five weeks ago where i set things on fire. and one bottle of salad dressing from the first (only) time i made dinner for The Boy sometime before christmas. oh, right, and the recent addition of diet tonic to go with the vodka i don't have anymore.
and i'm totally not kidding.
[ex: "wow. you weren't kidding in your blog about the food you don't have in your place," a friend said to me last weekend. so see? i don't lie to you, imaginary internet friends.]
anyway, how i get by having no food in my house is that, in my version of the SBD(FD), i go shopping at the safeway next to where i work, and keep my foodstuffs at work, and then eat them while at work. easy.
and to make it even easier, most of the things i buy come already ready. apples. cheese sticks. yogurt. soup. (whole-grain) bread (which sometimes i go so far as to toast, which is about as fancy as i get).
and mostly i don't care that i'm not fancy, but i kind of don't care in the way you might not care that you're having a bad hair day until someone next to you is having a great hair day and someone else says to you about the person next to you, "isn't she having a great hair day?" and then you just want to put on a hat.
which brings me to the point. i know i mentioned that my boss, KnitterStacy (which rhymes with BitterStacy but is way more pleasant) decided to give SBD a whirl. which is great, yay.
but it wasn't until she started doing SBD that i realized how bad a hair day i've been having with it, because KnitterStacy is actually doing the Real version of the SBD (much in the way she is a Real knitter, who, since learning to knit approximately 6 minutes ago, has already made a fucking sweater, whereas my poor friend is walking around in a lopsided CondomHat.)
consider our lunch today.
we both shop at the same grocery store and "prepare" lunch in the same kitchen. right?
- go to the fridge and get out soup and non-butter spread.
- toast bread. add non-butter.
- pour soup into paper bowl and heat in the microwave.
- put quarter in machine and get diet soda.
- eat toast and soup with diet soda.
- goes to the fridge and gets out tuna, garbanzo beans, olives, celery, chipotle peppers, parsley, and arugula.
- pulls pure olive oil out from hidden "gourmet" stash in her desk.
- gets out cutting board (yeah, um, our office kitchen has a cutting board. who knew?).
- chops celery.
- chops olives.
- finds salad bowl and lines it with arugula.
- adds tuna and garbanzo beans and combines them with the olive oil over the arugula.
- adds chopped celery, olives and peppers.
- sits at table with arranged bowl, paper-towel-as-placemat, and proper silverware (not the plasticware i use).
- adds kosher salt and fresh pepper to taste.
isn't that amazing? are you amazed? she has freshly chopped greens. every day. i eat sticks of cheese from plastic tubes.
she has tiny little tupperware containers filled with exactly the number of pistachio nuts you are supposed to allow yourself. i drink low-carb yogurt from the bottle.
she splurges on having two glasses of wine. i have (roughly) 846 gin and sodas.
she will lose the precise amount of weight you're supposed to. i um, well, i guess the thing is, i probably will too.
just ever-so-slightly less elegantly**.
*but i swear i will be by the time i travel in june. mark my words. and i have lost at least 15 lbs since january, so it's not like i'm completely misguided in my goal.
**totally a bridget jones quote.