Once A Cynic...

it's friday night at 8 and i'm home in my cozy apartment with nothing but my cats, sex and the city, and vodka & diet coke (it's ketel one, though, so it's a classy vodka & diet coke) keeping me company.

well, and also you, imaginary internet friends.

so speaking of imaginary internet friends, here's a little tale my darling sister reminded me of just this evening.

[i do realize most of you will be reading this on monday morning, when you're busy avoiding work, as opposed to sometime this weekend when you're out living your real lives. but for now, let me pretend that you are all sitting at home with your respective pets and drinks, anxiously awaiting another entry. thanks.]

one day when i was but 3 years old and my mother was walking me into nursery school, she happened to notice that i was engaged in a rather heated conversation. with no one.

slightly alarmed but playing it cool, my mom asked with whom i was speaking.

"oh," i said, "i'm talking to my imaginary friend, julie."

[i think it bears noting here that a. children who have imaginary friends don't tend to acknowledge them as such; and b. her name was julie because everyone of my dolls was named julie because the only thing i could ever imagine being when i grew up was julie mccoy from the love boat. we're not all destined for greatness.]

not so great

"well that's nice, dear." my mom said, not entirely knowing how to respond. "julie is a nice name. is julie nice?"

"no," i replied, plaintively. "she's a real bitch."

my point here is, of course, that after 26 years of growing and maturing and reflecting and fine-tuning my mental processes, i am still ranting and raving to imaginary friends.

but i swear, you're all nicer than julie.


  1. I'm so glad that I'm not in the same class as Julie. I might be BITCHY, but I'm not a bitch.

  2. I carried a pretty serious torch for Julie McCoy. 9 pm, Saturday nights, Baby...WOO HOO.

    MAN, I was a nerdy adolescent.

  3. so... uh... where does one pickup a personal drink box of wine at 1 in the morning?

  4. i wanted to be julie mccoy, too. and i wanted to date gopher. basically, i wanted to be julie dating gopher, and exchanging glib oneliners with doc and isaac. and hanging by the pool without ever having to wear a bathing suit. actually, this is still all looking good to me...


  5. Too funny..... my blog started out is "It is 8:06 pm...." I guess there should be some sort of imaginary internet friends club, where on Friday nights we could all get together at an imaginary bar, and drink box wine with a straw....wow, that sounds depressing when you think about it....geez, anyway, I stumbled across your blog while reading the Best of Craig's List, and it is definetly worth the read!

  6. Real lives? Try the college library on a Saturday pretending to do my homework/studying!

  7. Hey! I'm not always a bitch, just sometimes. And it's too damn funny because my imaginary friend's name was Kristy.

  8. After reading hundreds of blogs (and I swear to God that's not an exaggeration) and only noting one or two of the writers, I want you to know that you are seriously the funniest blogger I have ever stumbled across. The other day I was majorly, majorly depressed and your blog kept me entertained for hours, a sufficiently difficult task given my ADHD tendencies ;) I have no idea why nobody has offered you a book deal yet. If I were an editor or even something mildly powerful..rather than a dumbass college student in the middle of buttf*ck Egypt, I'd be working my ass off to get you published. As soon as I become powerful, I'll let you know. Until then, I'll just keep reading and wondering why my freaking professors can't incorporate some of your dry wit into their lectures. God knows they'd be a lot more popular if they did. Anyhooo..have a wonderful weekend. Just know there's at least one idiot without a life sitting on their butt eagerly awaiting your next entry. And I love the "imaginary internet people" thing..I've been joking w/ my friend Bre about that for ages. Sadly, no one else really seems to understand what I mean. =)

  9. GL,

    thanks for your encouragement. i'd email you thanks but no address was linked.

    and uh, is that egypt as in, the country? because wow. i need like, three weeks to plan a trip to san jose.

  10. yeah, i laughed too..i have a tendency to laugh when real wit is at play.

  11. Oh my God.

    Stop it! Stop it right now!

    Making me giggle like a lunatic in the office, that is.

    Also..is it sad that I'm sitting here reading your archives?

    I swear I've got nothing else to do, being a summer receptionist. It's a perilously cushy job, but somebody's gotta do it.


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