PinkJaime Brings Wine, Can't Knit

ah. so you think that knitting is catching on and soon ALL the cool girls will be doing it.

and you also think surely a girl so cool she is willing to model a CondomHat would likely be the first to crack under the other-cool-girl pressure.

and you would be right. almost.

see, PinkJaime is one cool girl. and she got roped (ha, ha) into coming to the yarn store. and she picked out yarn and needles and got very excited about learning to knit and starting her Very Own Scarf.

unfortunately, the yarn store field trip was on a friday, and since our lunch hour (rounded down) was spent buying yarn not knitting it, we couldn't really give PinkJaime the instruction she needed. we just cast on for her, showed her the knit stitch, and wished her luck.

around 8:30 p.m. on that same friday i received a frantic call.

PJ: ohmygodthankgodyouanswered.

me, at a party: how's it going?

PJ: it's all wrong.

me: what's happening?

PJ: i don't know what i'm doing wrong but i had to take it out. kristy, it was REALLY messed up.

me: that's okay, that happens.

me thinking: because this is how knitting is. it is so great. it teases you with cute scarves and draws you in and then makes your life wretched. you will do everything you can think of and it you will still have 21 stitches instead of 20.

me speaking again: so you are starting from the first row we cast on?


me: no? you took off the whole thing?

PJ: kristy, i HAD to.

me: erm, okay. but that means you need to get it cast on again.

PJ: yeah, that's why i'm calling. do you think you could explain it to me over the phone...?

and so i spent the next half-hour carefully, creatively, patiently "explaining" how to cast on. without visual aids. and by the end of the conversation, it seemed that it had worked. (for this i get many, many Knitting Points.)

but saturday morning we spoke again, and apparently PinkJaime was not as successful as we'd hoped. she had spent the better part of THREE HOURS and a bottle of wine trying everything she could think of -- even going so far as to try and find internet instructions -- to the effect of producing absolutely zero complete rows.

i told her that maybe we should wait until monday to see what she was doing wrong. she agreed.

that was two weeks ago. since then, PinkJaime has been given instruction by three people of varying degrees of knit-know-how (me = almost none; BitterStacy = budding guru; ShoeHo = expert). she has painstakingly had to start and re-start her precious scarf roughly 47 times.

then last night, the knitting took an exciting turn!

to keep me from falling into a depressive abyss, PinkJaime insisted on coming to my place and watching sex and the city with me and eating take-out with me and because she is awesome bringing wine to drink with me.

and naturally she also brought her yarn. so there we were, two hot single gals, kicking back, drinking wine, knitting. i knitted, she knitted. i drank, she drank. i watched her, she was careful. we made progress.

so it is now, without further delay, that i proudly present to you....

*drum roll*

PinkJaime's Scarf:

(what is currently left of it)
sad day for scarves


  1. ahh, there is nothing like girlfriends, sex and the city, knitting and wine to make a great night!! She'll get there with the scarf, and then she will be hopelessly addicted like you and me!

  2. You could call that the "Kate Moss Scarf" and sell the pattern to Vogue Knitting.

  3. I just found your site via our mutual blogging friend fromwhereisit. Your blog is hilarious and I am thrilled to add you to my daily reads. I do not a knit, but am equally as hot -- I'm a needlepointer. Hell at least you knitters have Julia Roberts in your camp. Needlepointing hasn't gained an ounce of sexiness since, well ever.


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