The Picture of Breezy Elegance

my friend snarky (the proud owner of the CondomHat), coined a phrase for me. whenever i do something of particular grace, like spill an entire glass of red wine down my white shirt while trying to pick up a guy in a bar, she just looks at me and tells me that i am the picture of breezy elegance.

and because i tell her anything, she happens to catch me in my best moments more than anyone.

::last night, before my first date* since TheBoy::

snarky: what time is your date?

me: 7:30

snarky: that's in less than an hour! what are you wearing?

me: i don't know.

snarky: how can you not know!

me: i'm still not sure.

snarky: you're just meeting for drinks?

me: yes.

snarky: have you eaten?

me: no.

snarky: eat something!

me: i don't have anything here and i don't have any time.

snarky: what do you mean you don't have anything? you have to have something. you live across the street from a grocery store!

we have this conversation at least once a week. i am not the world's best food shopper.

me: i have peanut butter, unmade sugar-free jello, some atkins bake mix, an apple, and some instant thai noodles that come in a box. i guess i'll make the box of noodles.

snarky: noodles in a box? i'm picking cilantro for the fish dinner i'm making.

right.

::fast forward 15 minutes::

snarky: how are the noodles? and what are you wearing?

me: they're okay. the boiling water is still a little hot. and i changed my pants but think i'm going to wear the shirt i was in.

snarky: you're not in it now?

me: god no! i'm eating noodles from a box!

as i've pointed out before (re: mashed potato boobs) i really do spill on myself a lot. and so if i'm going to be eating soupy noodles, i am going to be splattery. and since i'm in the privacy of my own home, i know that it's much easier to just take my shirt off than to try and not spill on it. snarky is familiar with my drill.

snarky: oh right. nice. bra?

me: yes.

snarky: but aren't the noodles hot? are you eating fast? you have to leave in like, 10 minutes. what if you splatter on your bare skin?

my friends, looking out for me.

me: i have a paper towel tucked into my bra to cover me.

snarky: nice visual. you're sitting at your computer, slurping thai noodle soup with no shirt on and a paper towel tucked into your bra?

me: yeah but my makeup's done.

snarky: breezy elegance.




*i am going to have to hold off on posting details about dates here until i figure out a way to avoid situations like the unfortunate blog-reading of DudeA.