The BEST Posts

I started this blog in January of 2005.

Every single post I've written is in my archives down over there in the right column. You know, where it says "Archives."

But, okay. Probably you don't want to scroll through all of them. (TRUTH: YOU TOTALLY WANT TO READ EVERYTHING I'VE EVER WRITTEN.)

Still, in case you don't have like, an entire weekend to devote to my life's scribblings, I have taken the liberty of extracting what *I* think are my best posts from over the years. You're so very welcome.

OVERALL BEST-OF AKA STUPID SHIT I HAVE ACTUALLY DONE 

Dating & Single Life

Mashed Potato Boobs

http://shewalks.blogspot.com/2005/04/mashed-potato-boobs.html

Why Yes, Cute Firemen, That IS My Ass
http://shewalks.blogspot.com/2005/04/why-yes-cute-fireman-that-is-my-ass.html

Forearm Poetry
http://shewalks.blogspot.com/2005/04/you-really-are-artist.html

The “Boxed Wine Incident”
http://shewalks.blogspot.com/2005/04/second-to-last-straw.html

The REALLY Bad Kisser

http://shewalks.blogspot.com/2005/05/your-worst-nightmare.html

Craigslist Personal Ad Replies
http://shewalks.blogspot.com/2005/05/fish-in-sea-arent-that-clever.html

I Break Up With A Man In A Chat Room

http://shewalks.blogspot.com/2008/01/oh-and-its-valentines-day.html

The REAL Reason I Was Single
http://shewalks.blogspot.com/2005/08/hard-to-believe-im-still-single.html

More Funny Stuff (Mostly With Drawings)

Karaoke For The Uterus
http://shewalks.blogspot.com/2005/04/and-nowkaraoke-for-uterus.html

I Draw Me Naked (“Why I Don’t Wear Sundresses”)

http://shewalks.blogspot.com/2005/05/sundresses-and-self-portraiture-naked.html

**Bath Soap Tried To Kill Me
http://shewalks.blogspot.com/2005/06/calmative-my-ass.html

That Time I Fell And Actually “Splatted”
http://shewalks.blogspot.com/2005/06/return-to-sf-and-also-return-to-splat.html

The Biggest Ass Bruise You’ve EVER Seen
http://shewalks.blogspot.com/2005/07/my-birthday-my-ass.html

**HAHAHAHA. My refrigerator from when I was single. True.
http://shewalks.blogspot.com/2005/08/hard-to-believe-im-still-single.html

When I Almost Fell In The Bathroom At Work
http://shewalks.blogspot.com/2005/09/i-didnt-fall-over-in-bathroom-at-work.html

Hilarious Thanksgiving Poetry From Elementary School Kids
http://shewalks.blogspot.com/2006/11/run-turkey-run.html

The Time I Found My Bra…
http://shewalks.blogspot.com/2007/01/about-bra.html

***Balls Of Death (At The Gym)
http://shewalks.blogspot.com/2007/09/balls-of-death.html

***The Hole In My Pantyhose At Work With So Many Drawings OMG
http://shewalks.blogspot.com/2008/11/sometimes-i-think-about-event-planners.html

SF Stuff
My Friend Kate Raises SF’s Hackles Because Of Beer
http://shewalks.blogspot.com/2005/06/makeout-kate-is-ruining-our-city.html

Job Interview Where I Indirectly Use The F-Word
http://shewalks.blogspot.com/2005/07/um-filters-anyone.html

**I Get Lost On My Own Fucking Street
http://shewalks.blogspot.com/2005/06/so-as-i-was-saying.html

The Scaling Lesbian & Harry Potter
Pt 1: http://shewalks.blogspot.com/2005/09/harry-potter-scaling-lesbian-and.html

Pt 2: http://shewalks.blogspot.com/2005/09/continued.html

**The Hilarious Event At The Planetarium
http://shewalks.blogspot.com/2006/03/total-eclipse.html

**My Friends And I Go Away And Play Drinking Games Involving Strippers And Porn. Plus There’s Livestock
Pt 1: http://shewalks.blogspot.com/2007/02/story-from-november-for-no-reason-hi.html

Pt 2: http://shewalks.blogspot.com/2007/02/good-will-humping.html

Pt 3: http://shewalks.blogspot.com/2007/03/ts-birthday-weekend-finale.html

Tranny Hookers At The Grocery Store
http://shewalks.blogspot.com/2007/05/this-is-not-grocery-shopping-i-grew-up.html

**Johan The Wonder Swede
http://shewalks.blogspot.com/2007/09/johan-wonder-swede-play.html

**I Try To Outsmart My Cat With Electrical Tape (While Preparing For BlogHer)
http://shewalks.blogspot.com/2007/03/good-upside-down-electrical-tape.html

I Am Afraid Of My Maids
http://shewalks.blogspot.com/2008/07/im-sorry-i-hate-me-too-im-sorry.html

Recent-Ish Funny

The Time I Wrote About Cake And Bad Hair And The Internet Got Mad At Me (See The Comments)
http://shewalks.blogspot.com/2011/03/ugliest-hair-on-television.html

Old People Soup
http://shewalks.blogspot.com/2009/09/my-own-special-kind-of-water-torture.html

Serious Stuff       

**My Divorce Story. Sad. True. Brief.
http://shewalks.blogspot.com/2006/05/divorce-from-start-to-finish.html

The Time My Mom Died And I Kept The Moisturizer
http://shewalks.blogspot.com/2008/02/vignette-on-moving-and-life-and-guilt.html

My Weight-Loss Baggage! It’s Fun!
Pt 1: http://shewalks.blogspot.com/2005/09/escape-from-stepford-weighty-history.html

Pt 2: http://shewalks.blogspot.com/2005/09/escape-from-stepford-weighty-history_06.html

Pt 3: http://shewalks.blogspot.com/2005/09/escape-from-stepford-weigh_112612471254617077.html    

When Ish Became Real
http://shewalks.blogspot.com/2007/02/long-ish-entry.html

Vegas Guy
http://shewalks.blogspot.com/2007/09/last-time-i-saw-paris.html

Paris In April (“I’m Not The Girl Who Gets To Go To Paris”)
http://shewalks.blogspot.com/2007/04/paris-in-april.html

What If Fat Doesn’t Mean Miserable
http://shewalks.blogspot.com/2010/01/what-if-fat-doesnt-mean-miserable.html