Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Would You Be Interested To Know...

...how i managed to get cinnamon toothpaste on my back this morning while i was getting dressed? because i sure as hell would.

i mean, i was brushing my teeth with only my undies on, standing at the mirror, when i felt a stray hair on my back. so naturally i reached back to remove it, except it was in a place where i couldn't quite reach it. which meant that i, in full pre-coffee mode with toothbrush still in my mouth, actually started to spin around to try and get it (much like a dog chases its tail. it's funny when a dog does it. not so funny when a grown, for-all-intents-and-purposes-sane woman does it.)

by the time i came full circle and could see myself and my shoulder blade in the mirror, i realized i not only hadn't gotten the hair, but i had managed to glop toothpaste on my back as well.

how? how is this possible? did toothpaste somehow magically fly from my mouth onto my back? did i somehow, unbeknownst to me, have a glop of toothpaste on my hand that spread to my back?

WHO GETS TOOTHPASTE ON THEIR SHOULDER?

well, obviously, i do.

so anyway, after a final rub-my-back-against-hanging-towels maneuver, i managed to rid myself of stray hair and toothpaste glop. but still.


27 comments:

  1. Kristy,

    I can't even tell you how many times you have made me laugh and smile! This morning is certainly no exception. Now I'll think of you every time I brush my teeth, probably start laughing and choke on the toothpaste.

    Seriously K, I love your blog; it's part of my daily recommended wake-up-the-grey-matter reading. It seems the no matter what you write, it's always good. I loved the sundress bit.

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  2. OK, I would say that I'm an intelligent 26-year-old woman, I have a BA and am now in grad school, and JUST NOW, by reading your blog, I learned that the phrase "to all intents and purposes" is in fact NOT "for all intensive purposes," which is actually a "corruption" of the former. And it makes so much more sense, too! Thank you Kristy, for enlightening me. I feel like I did when I was younger and realized that the phrase "dog-eat-dog world" was not "doggie-dog world."

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  3. oh, nicole -- i'm happy to help, but i must say i've had a few of those myself. it took me until college to figure out what the hell "six of one, half-dozen of the other" meant, especially as i always thought it was "six AND one".

    also, i used to think that "ends meat" was like, cheap meat you could barely afford, but at least it was something to put on the table. nice, huh?

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  4. breezy elegance!!

    -el snarkster

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  5. what the snarkster said. LOLOL.

    At least you noticed it before you left the house.

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  6. One of my linguistic pet peeves is "I could of ..." instead of "I could have..." I frequently saw that gaff in my students' papers when I taught Freshman Comp and it was most irritating.

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  7. The snarkiness in me begs me to point out that "gaff" actually means "a cheap place of entertainment or residence, also to swindle or fraud, also a large iron hook, of all things.

    I believe you meant "gaffe", which is a blatant mistake or misjudgment.

    Proving that not even Freshman Comp teachers are not infallible!

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  8. Or a few of my favs: Orientated, irregardless, "him and I went to the...".

    AAAArrrrrrggggghhhhhh.

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  9. K, you're just fabulous. Really.

    I have many 'lazy language' peeves, a couple of which are:

    1. 'your' instead of 'you're'...there's a huge difference people.

    2. 'I could care less' when they really mean 'I couldn't care less'. It totally loses meaning when you eff it up.

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  10. Console yourself that at least it wasn't deodorant on the sides of your black blouse! I cannot tell you how many times I have had THAT happen!
    BTW~ GREAT visual that you painted of your attempts to retrieve said hair! LOL

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  11. you rock! loved your mother's days post, too. the pic of your mom is SO neat. As for becoming an aunt, you'll be a good one. When my (younger) sis had her first, I was so freaked out that, arriving at the hospital with my mom, we walked up to the reception desk, where my mom announced, "My daughter is having a baby. " The reception guy (behind a tall counter) asked "Are you in pain?" Having eaten six doughnuts on the way to the hospital, I yelped "Yes!." My mom did that arm-squeeze thing that moms do and I was then relegated to the smoking lounge.
    Needless to say, I won't be birthing any of my own, but the niece and nephew are great fun. And I get to be the cool aunt who lives in LA and still smokes in the garage.

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  12. One constant in the universe is that if I'm griping about grammar, I'll make a mistake of my own while I'm doing it. Sigh.

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  13. cinnamon toothpaste ??????

    ewwww.....


    seriously, K your blog is my new addiction :)

    If you ever decide to write a book, I will be one of the first (of many) in the line to buy it

    rock on !!

    (or, in your case -- breeze on, elegantly )

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  14. Oh, how I wish there was video of you spinning around to groom yourself!

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  15. thank you for saying "all intents and purposes" rather than "all intensive purposes." i am such a snob.

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  16. I want to be the cool aunt that lives in LA and still smokes in the garage! ...oh, yeah, that's right I "quit". Well, at least smoking cigarettes ;)

    Alas, no one yet seems interested in procreating with any of my sibs. Too bad, it's so much easier than having your own; all the fun, none of the responsibility!

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  17. Speaking of linguistic pet peeves. What about people who spells "a lot" as "alot"?

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  18. And the one constant in the universe is further proven by the fact that I forgot to close my own quotes around the definition. None of us are as perfect as kristy; it's a sad truth we'll have to face. :)

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  19. At least you only went around once.

    I stumbled onto your blog via craigslist and was inspired to finally start my own blog. I need the therapy.

    I am amused by the notion of being among your invisible friends. For years I've responded to restaurant hosts who like to guess the number of your party (the ones that just look at you and lamely ask "Two?") by replying with, "...and one invisible friend." Some of the responses have been hilarious in their stupidity.

    ...Could this be the begining of invisible friend group therapy?

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  20. Great Story, Id love to see a pic of you brushing your teeth in you underwear! You are beautiful and you should be proud of it

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  21. "So to speak" mistaken for "sorta speak".

    "Right on!" said with black-power arm movement mistaken for "Right arm!"

    Just a couple of the faux pas I've had to correct among my acquaintances. I'm sure I'll think of more.

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  22. Oh! Oh! The deputy sheriff I work with thinks his morning roll call is actually called "Mustard" instead of Muster. Hard to believe he was in the airforce too.

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  23. and if i hear one more person say "supposebly" instead of "supposedly" i will have to hit them.

    (mentally, of course.)

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  24. Invisible friend group therapy, I like it... taking an imaginary friend to dinner, that's great!
    A friend sat three of us at a table for 6 at her wedding. Not sure if she was wishful thinking for us or what, but we took a picture of all 3 of us, each with one arm around an empty chair for each of our imaginary friends...

    And yes, Kristy, others do (and have) gotten toothpaste on their shoulder and in other places, but haven't had the good luck to get it removed before going out into the world..

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  25. Or... saying she needs to go to the libary. That one bugs me.

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  26. and lest we forget our great leader's insistence on the incorrect pronounciation of "nuculer."

    *eye roll*

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