Revenge Of The Crazy

you know, there is a reason women were born with The Crazy.

sure, sometimes it's hard to figure out and makes us just seem like lunatics. because The Crazy does tend to rear its head a little too often (like on fridays), and makes us do things like check our personal email inbox at work roughly 1,289 times in any given day and carry our cell phones with us AT ALL TIMES and engage in frantic IM sessions a la "WHY HASN'T HE CALLED."

but sometimes, kids, The Crazy is our best friend.

i'm going to tell you a story now that i just heard, from one of my most adorable friends who -- i gotta say -- did The Crazy proud.

so my friend we'll call Melody was introduced to this Dude. and this Dude was new in town, and didn't know many people. and since he was apparently really hot and smart and interesting, Melody thought she'd like to get to know him.

i should note here that Melody is objectively beautiful, sweet, smart, and really interesting.

so for a month (a month) she spent time with Dude. they chatted, they visited cafes, and just generally saw the city. for all intents and purposes* they were dating. Dude knew this. Melody knew this. Melody's friends knew this.

and here is where i note that while they did do some hooking up, Melody did not actually sleep with Dude because she was workin' the getting-to-know-you phase.

so! one beautiful weekend, Melody and Dude were at a party together. Melody was playing it cool -- giving Dude space to mingle. being all very uncrazy. but when all of a sudden Melody's friend-who-is-driving-her-and-Dude-home announces that they have to leave that very second, Melody wondered why. and then when the three of them were in the car and no one was speaking, Melody sensed The Crazy a-comin'.

and so when Melody was dropped off first and Dude didn't go with her and the friend sped off into the night, Melody's craz-o-meter hit the danger zone. but, in her defense, she did her best to fend off The Crazy. she got out of the car and walked into her home and into her room. and she took off her heels.

::Cue The Crazy::

suddenly, fueled by alcohol (and a keen sense of "hmmm"), instead of putting herself to sleep, my good, sweet, charming, thoughtful, sensible friend Melody threw on her sneakers, raced into a cab and, at nearly 3 in the morning, hauled ass clear across town to get to Dude's house.

yes, she did.

and so what do you think she found when she arrived there?

i'll tell you. because it wasn't Dude sound asleep in his bed, all by himself.

she found her friend's car in his driveway. she found the front light still on. she found the FRONT DOOR STILL OPEN. and so she got out of the cab. and stood on the front step. and heard, without a doubt, her friend and Dude playing a different version of "getting to know you."

and so she paced. and thought. and was shocked.

and then had to pee.

(it was, after all, 3 a.m. and she'd been drinking and didn't stop long enough while she was at home to go.)

and so she did what anyone woman in her right mind would in such a situation. she peed on Dude's landlord's doorstep.

and then she returned to the open door, and heard conversation, and heard her name. and finally marched inside.

the two naked people were rather startled to see her. (as you might imagine.) and they weren't really in any position (ha) to make excuses for themselves.

so Melody, with all the power of vindicated Crazy, simply said: "fuck you, and fuck you. you two deserve each other."

and she left.


so all i'm saying is, sometimes The Crazy might lead to compulsive early-morning cab rides, but sometimes it's well worth it.

and completely necessary.



*'cuz i know you like that phrase, imaginary internet friends. that's just a little shout-out. ;)