No, No I'm Not

you guys. i love you all.

i mean, i cannot believe that you actually read about my um, folderol. and go so far as to comment about it, too. in fact, i'm amazed.

because do you know what kind of person i am, really?

kids, i was in the MARCHING BAND. you know? marching band. for many years. yes and now i'm single and have cats and drink wine and knit. and do things like have hour-long inner dialogues about some guy who says hi to me on the bus.


so i totally love you all and have MAJOR crushes on, like, most of you. (not all of you, mind you, because i'm not *that* e-slutty.) (no seriously.) (okay whatever.)

that said...

um, i feel like i owe some of you imaginary internet friends an apology. or explanation or something. see, i am way sarcastic. dry. tongue-in-cheek. (in addition to being a former marching-band girl and knitting and having cats and all that terrifying single-woman stuff.)

and so i should probably clarify: hi, I AM NOT ACTUALLY ENGAGED.

i do think the world of Mr. Adorable and will probably IM with him for the rest of my life. but i am not actually going to accept an IM proposal and be married to a guy who lives 3,000 miles away whom i dated for three months TEN years ago. he wasn't serious when he asked me (not really) and i wasn't serious when i said yes (not really).

but it is nice to be asked. and it is nice to say yes. and it is nice to share that experience with imaginary internet friends who have LOTS of opinions about it.

so now, i will return to my regular entries about my (non-existent) weight loss and dating nightmares and knitting debris, along with continuing to faux-plan the denver wedding with all of you.

i'll let you know where we register.


  1. Wow! 100 comments! All that popularity you lacked in high school, marching with the band--well, welcome to your 15 minutes.

    To be honest, I knew you weren't "engaged", but I was excited about the wedding... see, I live in Denver, so making it to the wedding wouldn't be a problem. And while it'd break my heart to see you marry Mr. Adorable, I could accept it because (and I'm a straight male here, but) wow, he is cute... You two would be cute together. Plus, I imagine your bridesmaids would be attractive (imaginary or not).

    Oh well, I guess I can take comfort in the fact that you're still single (which is really heartening considering that we only live 1000 miles apart--not 3000).

    Congrats on your un-engagement, and keep us posted on your (non-)wedding plans!

  2. Didn't really take it seriously, yet still relieved--It is good to know I am not the only one out there having these internet dating horror stories! (Which are hysterically funny when they happen to someone other than me!)

    We all need those moments of levity!

  3. Crate & Barrel is always a good place to register; lots of things that people of any income bracket can afford!

  4. You should also register at Target too. I would totally do that, think of all the fun stuff they have! You know, that's what I look forward to the most about getting married? Registering!! it would be so much fun to pick out all the stuff I want and then make my friends buy it for me!! :) haha.

  5. and I was so looking forward to wearing my imaginary bridesmaid dress... which would have, of course, been adorable, given you'd have picked it out... ;~)

    Please keep up the sarcasm, we love it!

  6. One time, in band camp....

    (come on.. you were all thinking it!!)

  7. if only we could magically engage ourselves with the press of an IM "send" button... *sigh* life would be much easier.
    Your blog rocks my socks!

  8. K, I completely appreciate the "but it is nice to be asked. and it is nice to say yes".

    One of my fond memories from younger years was driving down the highway and having a car with 2 (not 1, but 2) cute boys in it, each with their arm out the window waving it in unison so it looked like bird wings and the car was flying. I laughed so hard. They, having seen my utter joy at their fun, then slowed down so they were driving next to my car. At that point, 1 of the 2 cute guys held up a freshly written sign that said, "Will U marry me?"

    Really now, who can say no to that?!!?

    I did not actually marry either of them, but did invite them to a party I was headed to where we met and proceeded to become good friends.

  9. Sarcastic? you? no way! still one of the funniest things I read and I was surprised at how many people took you seriously. Keep up the good work(and keep making me laugh, damn it!)

  10. Hm. Has dry, sarcastic humor become such a rarity that people are unable to recognize it? That's too sad to contemplate.

    Hey, look, I found a way to post my name without making up a blogger page.

    As far as weight loss, calories in, calories out, my imaginary friend. Try

  11. As an imaginary internet friend, I was going to suggest an imaginary internet wedding in Denver. We could all knit hats for the event.
    Kristy, even if the wedding isn't going to happen, it would so much fun to continue to plan it.

  12. Kristy,

    I noticed your side menu now has a countdown til the big 3-0. Thought you might want to check out this site:

  13. i don't know why that didn't show as a hyperlink, but here it is again: TickerCentral

  14. Ericha2@comcast.net9:32 AM, May 17, 2005


    I think those of us "imaginary internet friends" who read your blog every day, sometimes more than once a day (if we're waiting for an update on cute construction worker-type Muni boy), understood that your last post was in jest.

    But I still stand by my suggestion of a once a year hookup! ;)

    Oh, and Crate & Barrell is such a wonderful store. I walk through it all the time to get to the CPK at Hillsdale Mall. Someday I'll actually stop and buy something.

  15. Oh I knew you were joking! No. Really. I. Did. Did you ever see the episode of sex and the city where Carries marries herself? She registered for Manolos....I'm thinking of doing the same. Why is it that no one is celebrating single people?!

  16. Never balk at long distance. I was in L.A. and Mr Yarn was in San Francisco when we were dating.

    Open those horizons, woman! Don't ya wanna live in Bakersfield?

  17. i guess i knew deep down you were being sarcastic, but i didn't know for sure.

    I've seen my friends pine over love affairs that would never work out. I've talked many a buddy off of a ledge and listened to lovesick co-workers crazy over someone who was married but looked at them in a particular way over the xerox machine. people do irrational things. and one of the most irrational things you can do is to put all of your eggs in the basket of someone who can't give you what you need. who here isn't guilty of that?

    as long as we're planning the imaginary wedding, i'm the imaginary guest who stand up when it gets to the part of "if anyone here. . . "

    i'll start practicing on my speech now.

  18. WHEW! I am SO glad that you cleared that up! Now all those people who were out there offering you reasons why you should not marry a man that you dated, as you said, for like three months ten years ago can RELAX! I still shake my head a little bit at those who had to wonder if it was true.

    Also, I went to a real knitting store today. I expect that all extra money from now on will go to creating a stash. I put $60 toward stash creating today with some lovely stuff. And I blame this on you and that Crazy Aunt Purl.

  19. That is freakin hysterical!!! Sarcasm detecting must not be a gene EVERYONE has. As if you would really accept an IM proposal.....or WOULD you? hmmmm ;)

  20. This is my first time visiting your blog, and I could mistaken, but it seems to me that your writing style looks very familiar

  21. do you mean?

  22. next you're gonna say there ain't no santa claus either, right?

    uhm...yeah, right.

  23. My 30th Bday was in February. Like you, I counted down the days. For me it was dread. But then I planned myself a FAB, FAB party, replete with dinner at a 5-star restaurants with my 3 best friends. We drank cosmos and ate $36 hamburgers and danced the night away - Sex & the City much. I am sooooo Miranda.

    Now for the really cool part... I can't remember having any $1000 dinners for four when I was in my twenties. Can you?

  24. oh great! now you tell me! now i have to try to dump these tickets to denver.

    -el snarkster

  25. What the hell? I already have non-refundable tickets to Denver. This blows.

  26. MMT,

    that rocks! yay for knitting! you will hate it and swear at it and want to throw your first scarf out the window and the next thing you know you will be dreaming about it and taking your yarn with you EVERYWHERE and talking to everyone you know about it (they will not like this) and you will revert to blogging about it incessantly. welcome to the club. :)

    it has been suggested before that my writing style seems awfully similar to that of our dear Crazy Aunt Purl, and i can only say that that is why i was SO excited to find her site and why i immediately became a total blog-stalker and emailed her and linked to her and have an internet-girl-crush on her and want to be her best friend (hi, project much?).

    so if i do write similarly (and if that is what you meant) it is purely coincidental (probably as a result of the fact that we're about the same age, divorced, living with cats we acquired during our marriages, drink too much, and read the same stuff), and terribly flattering because she is way, way funnier than i am.

  27. Oh... yeah. Ok, knew that. Feh!

    You were talking about how you stalked Crazy Aunt Perl and stuff. I too am guilty of this, but it's ok. Right? Right...

  28. I have a total internet girl-crush on CAP, which is how I found you, and my first reaction was:


    What did you play? What kind of band?

    All you incredible knitblog women make me want to start one too!

  29. I would sincerely hope people didn't think you were serious. I hope you know I wasn't serious about the purple Sharpee© pen (not really).

    I think green would be much nicer.

  30. sheila,
    you are so right about green.

    um, i played the clarinet until i became drum major. because if you're gonna do band, you may as well go all out, and you know, be Queen of the Band Geeks.

  31. i was president of my high school marching band.

  32. I. Am. Upset.

    Not because I now have unreturnable round-trip tickets to Denver and I dont even ski.

    Not because I broke my vow to never shop at Crate and Barrel to buy you a swanky toaster to go with the swanky toaster cover I decided I'd give you.

    Oh no. It's because you deceived us. That's just unforgivable.

    If you can see this, your browser doesn't understand SARCASM FONT. However, we'll still let you link to Kristy's Blog.

  33. High school marching bands have presidents? Colour me impressed. Where I come from, we don't even have marching bands.

  34. it was a puppet democracy. my main responsibility was to come up with some sort of fancy salute when our marching band was accepting awards.

    oh, and i started most of the "we've got spirit, yes we do" chants.

    i was also president of Thespians and vice president of the National Honor Society. you would have think i would have amounted to something more than someone who tastes wine for a living.

  35. wineslut,

    what? what was that? you taste WINE for a living? what greater thing is there to amount to? are you f'ing kidding me? that's the best job EVER.

  36. i work for a wine magazine. yeah, sounds like fun. . .until you take something you LOVE and turn it into WORK. (and no one ever feels sorry for me when i have a bad day at work)

    and no, i don't actually taste wine all day, every day. only about 8 hours a week. the rest of the week is filled with typical bullshit administrative headaches. trying to figure out where the jam in the copier is. being micromanaged. having a boss in a panic needing you to find a piece of paper you've never seen before and he needs right. now. getting into fights with your co-workers about who should win American Idol (as if Carrie was worth voting for. humpf).

    and you have to wear black all the time because nothing else hides the wine stains. and my teeth will never be sparkling white. and the acid from the wine can hurt your teeth, too. and after an hour of tasting really tannic red wine, all you want to do is eat soothing ice cream, but it's not on your diet.

    actually, it's a pretty kick-ass job. who am i kidding?


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