Tuesday, May 10, 2005

MUNI Musings, or
"Just How Girl-Stupid I Am On The Bus"

so of course, adorable bus-riding CutieCute has not been seen since i posted about him like, a hundred years ago.

(i find this highly suspicious. perhaps the cosmos decided to give me a break by not being in the CoffeeGirl's shower, in exchange for removing CutieCute from my morning commute? hmm.)

but see, here's the real problem. it's not that i really suspected things would work out between CutieCute and me (our kids would have been so adorable, seriously) but thinking about what i would say to him or how i would approach him or what he should say to me should he approach me is a very nice distraction from the otherwise general unpleasantness that is my morning commute.

because people are not so pleasant on the bus in the morning, you know?

and since my iPod ear buds have completely fallen apart and i keep forgetting to get new ones, and since i have finally given up knitting anything that requires counting on the bus, i need new distractions. and let me tell you, i am just crazy enough to let one CutieCute fill up my mind's ENTIRE narrative for my ENTIRE commute.

i sure am.

take Monday for example. a solid 17 minutes of inner discourse went something like:

"i wonder what time i got on the bus. is this the bus i'm usually on? how late was i running? is this CutieCute's bus or isn't it? i'm NOT looking for him. huh uh. nope. who knows if he even TAKES the bus anymore. maybe he drives to work all fancy-like now. i wonder what he does. i seriously think he's a lawyer. a lawyer with a car. but where would he park? there is no parking in this city...

"i hate sitting back here. there are no available seats here if he were to get on NOT that i even care if he does (well i CARE but it's not a BIG DEAL) but you know, just in case he does get on the bus today he isn't going to come all the way back here which means i should move up front so that he would have to walk past me and then i could at least say hi. i think at this point we can say hi to each other, right? yeah, i think that would be fine. we are definitely at the 'hi' stage. but i can't just get up and move to the front of the bus for no discernible reason. that would be crazy. what would people think?

"do i really care what bus people think?

"okay we are at his stop. i am certainly NOT LOOKING to see if he's getting on. i'm just looking to see who is getting on the bus in general. sure. see how normal i seem?

"oh whatever, who am i kidding? i am SO looking. i can't see anything around these masses. okay, i have to stop looking like i'm looking, because if i make eye contact with him while i'm busy craning my neck trying to see him, that might be a little hard to play off.

"'nothing to see here, folks, i'm just wondering what's outside the windows. see? i look to the front of the bus, tra la la, and i look around to the back of the bus because i am just a normal bus-riding girl who looks around and...'"

THWAP!!!!!

when i turned to pretend like i cared who was sitting behind me, my line of sight ran smack-dab into some random HottieHot guy who was STARING at me and SMILING. AT ME.

and so while on a normal day i could have continued to obsess over the non-existence of CutieCute, monday's thoughts were suddenly shot into high gear. in a Girl-Stupid way.

"ohmygodohmygod he was looking at you and smiling. he smiled at you. who is that guy? did you even see what he looked like? why did you immediately turn away? why do you ALWAYS immediately turn away? wasn't he super hot?

"maybe it wasn't you he was looking at.

"maybe he was looking at the girl on your right. just because she's asleep does not mean she isn't cute. she's certainly cuter than the old burping chinese man on your left.

"maybe he wasn't smiling at you, either. maybe he was just smiling because um, he likes the bus. a LOT.

"you're going to have to look at him. you are going to have to look briefly to find out just how hot he is and if he really was looking at you. okay, now.

"GAH GAH GAH! SMILE, YOU DOOF! you are looking at him and he is looking DIRECTLY AT YOU so get your smile on RIGHT NOW.

"there, geez. good job. now, look away, nonchalant. good, good. you have established slight interest.

"do not let your face go all red! that is SO NOT COOL! don't think about him. you are casual. you are on your way to work. you are NOT blushing.

"you are blushing.

"turn away completely. he cannot see you blushing. kristy for god's sake you are on the BUS. MUNI. blushing on muni is not okay. sigh. you are such a dork."

and so it was, for another good 10 minutes, that i played the don't-look-at-him-too-much (crazy) / don't-ignore-him (he'll think you're not interested) game. i casually checked out things like his jean cuffs and shoes (not making eye contact) and decided that he's definitely not the lawyer-ly type and more the construction-worker type, and that was just fine because he was HOT and in case you missed it the first ninety times, he was SMILING AT ME.

so i am going to conclude this lunatic-like rant of the most ridiculous proportions by saying that i now know it is possible to sort of meet someone on the bus:

just before HottieHot reached his stop, he got up, stopped in front of me and said, "hi there."

yep, he did.

to which i, with my head still racing and my blush still flushing and my try-not-to-look-like-the-lunatic-you-are smile on, replied, "hi."

and then he offered his hand and said, "i'm michael."

whereupon my stomach flipped (omgHOT) and i kinda squeaked out, "i'm kristy."

and having no idea what to do next ("uh, come here often?") we just sort of muttered a couple chit-chatty things and then he said to have a good day as he got off the bus.

and then i spent the remaining five minutes on the bus wondering if there'd be a Part Two to this story...

46 comments:

  1. OHMYGOD!!! Hysterical and so sweet! Do you have a business card girlfriend? You better whip that puppy out next time so that he can call you...I met my current hot squeeze on the street...you just never know...

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  2. As long as your inner monologue remained "inner" and at no time became an "outer monologue", you're cool. Looking and blushing; adorable. Looking, blushing and muttering; Ca-raaazy

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  3. yes, uglygerbil, it's a fiiiiiiine line between adorable and crazy.

    i fancy myself quite the tight-rope walker...

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  4. Yay Kristy! We're all cheering for you on the East Coast. What a fucking fantastic way to start the day-- no matter what happens next.

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  5. oy. you definitely captured that ridiculous crazy panic i go into in similar situations! i hate how hard it is to be nonchalant when i want to be!

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  6. wow!!! you go girl, damn what bus do you ride, I wanna see what happens tomarrow
    or the next day.....hey if you want me to I can make him talk to you....someone years ago did it to me in a bar to a girl I wanted to meet....i have done it several times....in fact my friends call me if they want me it Break the Ice for them....i can do it I promise...

    Crap I live in Sacramento but I will come down there and hook you too up....
    at least you can get a cool dinner date out of it I can promise that

    hit me back
    blh1062@yahoo.com

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  7. I've been lurking on your blog for the past few weeks, going through a similar inner-monologue about posting a comment. You know how it is when you want to share a few kind words of encouragement - but your afraid that you don't have anything meaningful to say and you’ll just end up sounding like the total dork you are?

    It’s not just me… right?

    Anyway, whether or not it reveals my inner dorkdom, I had to compliment you on this post. It was too sweet and funny and honest and human to just let it go.

    Well done.

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  8. Ugh! Those moments of low self-esteem when you think "Is he checking me out? He can't be! Little old me? He's HOT! There's no way he'd be interested" I HATE IT WHEN THAT HAPPENS!

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  9. Ugh! Those moments of low self-esteem when you think "Is he checking me out? He can't be! Little old me? He's HOT! There's no way he'd be interested" I HATE IT WHEN THAT HAPPENS!

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  10. Wow...a muni connection! After a year of riding the 1 bus I never thought it was possible...but then again I was too busy grumbling about how no one will move to the back of the bus! Thanks for your blog...I've recently moved from SF and miss it!

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  11. Saying 'hi' on the MUNI is so HOT...

    :)

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  12. I'm just an old married lady but I'm so glad I have you with whom to live out these experiences vicariously. Your descriptions are so vivid, I feel like I'm right there. In fact, if I were single, I'd be EXACTLY like you.

    And yes, it's verrrry important to keep your inside voice on the inside. We ladies can't let them know how crazy we are until at LEAST the third date. It's a rule. Really.

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  13. that's such a great way to start the day.

    now you can just sit and fantasize all day long.

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  14. HAHA!! That's the best story!! You really have a way with words. I feel like i was there with you experiencing it. I loved it. What a GREAT way to start the day!! May every day start with a hottie.

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  15. I hope you noted what time you got on the bus. Now you have two gorgeous guys to watch for on your commute! At least you'll be sufficiently entertained.

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  17. Hi Kristy, Saw your posting on craigslist (I think?) and got linked into your blog. Now I'm hooked. Enjoying all of your local stories and hilarious moments!

    -Kim

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  18. That's excellent! your story almost made me want to use public transportation again... have you seen him again?

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  19. ooooooooooooo, you're SO lucky!!!!!! That stuff never happens to me. Good luck sweetie!

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  20. no.

    uh, not that i was looking.

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  21. Yay for you! That is AWESOME! Shouldn't all Wednesdays be this nice?

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  22. Hey, ask Jed (comment way above this one) for a picture. He sounds like a potential good one.

    Just a married women's advice. Then again, I got lots wrong before I got it right.

    J.

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  23. janis,

    i *love* that you're working on setting me up. i think EVERYONE should be (but hi, i'm crazy, which makes this a TALL order).

    but on first glance ('cuz i totally already checked him out), "jed" appears to be in north carolina.

    and that's a long bus ride, if ever there were one...

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  24. What do you do? What do you DO?


    YOU POST A MISSED CONNECTION ON Craigslist!!

    "You were on the ___ bus this morning and you said your name is Michael. We chit chatted for a bit. I'm Kristy, remember me?"

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  25. Good idea serre!!!!

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  26. Get yourself a biz card pronto!! I met a hot fireman when he came into the restaurant I was working in when the fire alarm accidentally went off. He was doing the cute "sideways" glance thing, I made the hostess run after him with my card.
    Good luck girl!

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  27. This comment goes waaaay back to Kim e (11:44 PM, May 10, 2005 ) who said "We ladies can't let them know how crazy we are until at LEAST the third date. It's a rule. Really." My question is two-fold: 1) Are those underpants on your head, and 2) Is that 3rd date appropriate behaviour?
    Seriously, I need to know. I have a 3rd date coming up and the cutest pair of undies...
    ;)

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  28. woo hoo for you. i know this is totally out there and all, but it's funny because i recently read through some of tequilamockingbird.blogspot.com's site, and she actually had a very long relationship with someone that started that way. (ok, actually, i don't know how long, but i know she had one because it was on there as this whole 'how we met' story, and it was cool). will look for the link, but think it would rock for you.
    btw, am a reader of sareet's who's linked to you, and now i read yours, and yeah, i'm kate. i think you're posts are great, honest, real, and exactly the way most of us girls think. it's a riot!

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  29. OK... this post just BEGGED me to come out of lurk-mode to say how amazingly funny you are. I swear to god, I thought I was reading MY inner monologue. ;)

    And BTW, Jed appears to be married. See?? *LOL*

    Poor Jed - being scrutinized by all us "comment-posters." But we're just all rooting for Kristy! It's truly a compliment. ;)

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  30. errr.... ok... I know most of you comment-posters, kristy-blog-reading-lurkers are smart, but just in case...

    I should have wrote 'Jed appears to be married. See how he mentions a wife in this post?' Instead of making it look like I was saying the horse is his wife.

    Uhm... ok. End blabbing.

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  31. I'm sure I'm the 1,293,345th person to say this, but your blog ROCKS and you have inspired me to start my own. I found your blog on Craig's list and have been hooked ever since.

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  32. But, Dear Sweet Jed says "your" when he should say "you're". Jed is dear and sweet. So, Jed, Mr. Dear Sweet, grammar is important!

    (I should really double-check this comment because I know [hi Karma!] that I must have a spelling error somewhere in here.)

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  33. I agree with user serre above. This totally deserves a Craigslist Missed Connection.

    Actually, I just spent about 40 minutes searching through today's and yesterday's MC posts, looking through every "M4F" posting and hoping for one that matched your experience. 40 minutes. I don't even do that for myself. How's that for reader loyalty?

    Good luck with HottieHot! I'm living through you, grrl.

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  34. if kristy doesnt post the CL, someone should to it for her....hint hint.

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  35. you guys are hysterical.

    and you're all pimps.

    (yay! yay for pimping!)

    um, i totally posted the ad this morning.

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  36. Kristy,

    I found your ad from this morning's craigslist!!! I love it!!! You're my hero!!!! I love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! bwwwahhahahahahahhahahaaa

    Sincerely, Kristy's pimp,
    Valerie

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  37. Pimpin' ain't easy.

    But it sure is fun.

    (Especially when hot chicks in spiderman underoos get in bed with you as a result)

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  38. serre, i have *no* idea what you're talking about.

    *whistles*

    *hides spiderman undies*

    *wasn't gonna blog about that incident but um, might hafta now...*

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  39. EEEEE! That is so great!

    I've been lurking on your site since I saw your best of on craigslist about Curves. :)

    But that is so great!!! It's nice to know guys still take the risk.

    I hope there is a part 2 for you!

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  40. Uglygerbil: Yes, that is a Union Jack thong, as a matter of fact. That photo was taken towards the end of a one-too-many-cocktail night with my sister and its official name is 'A Toast To Britain'.

    Kristy: A little bit o' crazy is good. There can only be one crazy in a relationship and believe me, you wanna be it.

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  41. okay, I can't take it anymore...this bus "incident" happened Tuesday, a Missed Connections was placed and now it is Thursday...Kristy, please? Any updates???

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  42. Kristy,
    Thank you for sharing your humanity with us.. it is your gift. The ability to put into words what we all feel and think so wonderfully and with such humor.

    you make my days brighter.
    K

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  43. I have been "secretly" reading your blog for the past several weeks and I have to say - it makes my day to have a "friend" that totally gets life. It's not about THE BIG PICTURE - it's all about the daily inner dialogue and inter…….actions that we have. I hope that HottieHot finds you again, and if not then it on to HunkieHunk.

    Deb

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  44. aww that's cute. i've gotten hooked to your blogs since your "best of" made it on CL.

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  45. I, too,got hooked after reading your cl posting. Props to you home girl!

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  46. you're boring. write more better.

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