The Theme? Wine. (Of Course.)

so did you guys see where Anonymous noted that a lot of my stories involve drinking? and that maybe i should try and dry out to get a better life perspective?

(and also that i am a lush and lazy and boring and should write "more better"?)

yes well. i think it's evident that i am not going to be drying out anytime soon, so instead, i think i shall embrace my lushiness and review the weekend in terms of wine. because that is how all things should be reviewed in terms of.

::WARNING!::
boring, what-i-did-this-weekend post to follow
(Anonymous, you might want to stop reading about here.)

so because i continue to think of myself as a knitter despite mounting evidence to the contrary, i went to an actual knitting class on thursday night with ShoeHo, KnitterStacy, and KnitterStacy's fabulously un-PC italian mother from brooklyn who flew in for the event.

know what i learned? that you are not allowed to drink wine if you are going to be learning six lace stitches in a matter of three hours. even if the wine is very good and the man who sold it to you was TOTALLY flirting with you. knitting instructors do not care about the flirting. they care about PSSOs and such.

also, i learned that if you take a picture of me while i'm knitting and not drinking wine, i grow an extra very large chin. obviously, if i'd been sipping wine this wouldn't have been the case.

finally, i learned what happens when you refuse to let an un-PC italian mother from brooklyn have her wine because she needs to learn a faggot stitch.

yeah.

so on friday, first i spent my lunch hour attacking the ribbed cap for Snarky with renewed vigor, since i'd learned (totally unrelated) Advanced Stitches the night before and felt rather empowered and capable.

naturally, i fucked the whole thing up. did you know you can knit in the wrong direction when you're knitting in the round? wouldn't you think there's only one obvious direction to go in? well, if you're me you would, and then you would be all sorts of confused when one of your needles appears to have nine rows of stitches and one seems to have seven, plus purls appear where there should be knits.

because knitting is stupid.

moving on.

i spent friday night at costco shopping for supplies for a baby shower. do you know how much i hate shopping at places like costco? a whole lot. so you know what makes doing so fun? meeting up with your girlfriends ahead of time for a bite to eat and some wine. costco is SO much more fun when you and your friends are a bit loaded. things become funny, like that you can buy 24 rolls of toilet paper in the same place you can buy socks and DVD players and sheet cakes and sandwich rolls.

also, the carts are fun to ride on.

[and just in case you thought that we were making wine-induced fools of ourselves, EVERY SINGLE ADULT we saw bringing their cart down the giant ramp from the store to the parking lot was RIDING their cart. EVERY ONE. this is why i love this city.]

and so then saturday morning came and do you know what i got to do? well, first of all, now might be a good time to mention that i'm part of an all-female a cappella group. oh yes i am. (i sing a whole lot better than i knit, for the record. thankfully.) so our group booked ourselves a limo and drove up to napa and spent the day tasting and singing and drinking wine. it was fab-u-lous.

[and frankly, i expected to return with many tales of how and why i should not be allowed in wineries, but nothing especially tragic or embarrassing happened! i didn't spill red wine down my shirt. i didn't knock over any glasses. our car didn't somehow catch fire. miraculously, it was a glorious day.]

um, i did learn that the accoustics of a wine cellar are very good for making wookie noises. and that if you are not careful, the sexist man with a bad comb-over pouring you wine will start singing songs from musicals. also i learned that if you give 10 very health-conscious women enough wine and leeway, they will eat things (like an entire loaf of "custard bread" plus bagels, cookies, muffins, cake and anything else high-sugar/low-protein you can fit into a limo) like they are going out of style.

i figure i consumed approximately 8,972 grams of carbs. roughly. whatever. it absorbs the wine.

then on sunday, i joined my friends to help set up for the afternoon's baby shower (using the supplies we tipsily purchased on friday night's outing).

and so perhaps at this point you're thinking that a baby shower is certainly not the sort of place one drinks too much wine.

you would, perhaps, be wrong. because you do not know my friends (though i believe you are getting a feel for them) and so do not understand that ANY occassion wherein we get together is occassion for wine. this is just how things are.

which meant that from noon onwards, there was much, much champagne. and while sure, there was also gift-opening and game-playing and shower-appropriate festitivites and occassional speak of babies, mostly there was champagne*.


overall, the weekend was spectacular, and as such i see no reason to yet remove wine from my weekend routines. but i do appreciate the feedback, Anonymous, and will try and keep it in mind next weekend. uh huh.



*and bacon-wrapped dates.