Sunday, May 22, 2005

The Theme? Wine. (Of Course.)

so did you guys see where Anonymous noted that a lot of my stories involve drinking? and that maybe i should try and dry out to get a better life perspective?

(and also that i am a lush and lazy and boring and should write "more better"?)

yes well. i think it's evident that i am not going to be drying out anytime soon, so instead, i think i shall embrace my lushiness and review the weekend in terms of wine. because that is how all things should be reviewed in terms of.
::WARNING!::
boring, what-i-did-this-weekend post to follow
(Anonymous, you might want to stop reading about here.)

so because i continue to think of myself as a knitter despite mounting evidence to the contrary, i went to an actual knitting class on thursday night with ShoeHo, KnitterStacy, and KnitterStacy's fabulously un-PC italian mother from brooklyn who flew in for the event.

know what i learned? that you are not allowed to drink wine if you are going to be learning six lace stitches in a matter of three hours. even if the wine is very good and the man who sold it to you was TOTALLY flirting with you. knitting instructors do not care about the flirting. they care about PSSOs and such.

also, i learned that if you take a picture of me while i'm knitting and not drinking wine, i grow an extra very large chin. obviously, if i'd been sipping wine this wouldn't have been the case.

finally, i learned what happens when you refuse to let an un-PC italian mother from brooklyn have her wine because she needs to learn a faggot stitch.

yeah.

so on friday, first i spent my lunch hour attacking the ribbed cap for Snarky with renewed vigor, since i'd learned (totally unrelated) Advanced Stitches the night before and felt rather empowered and capable.

naturally, i fucked the whole thing up. did you know you can knit in the wrong direction when you're knitting in the round? wouldn't you think there's only one obvious direction to go in? well, if you're me you would, and then you would be all sorts of confused when one of your needles appears to have nine rows of stitches and one seems to have seven, plus purls appear where there should be knits.

because knitting is stupid.

moving on.

i spent friday night at costco shopping for supplies for a baby shower. do you know how much i hate shopping at places like costco? a whole lot. so you know what makes doing so fun? meeting up with your girlfriends ahead of time for a bite to eat and some wine. costco is SO much more fun when you and your friends are a bit loaded. things become funny, like that you can buy 24 rolls of toilet paper in the same place you can buy socks and DVD players and sheet cakes and sandwich rolls.

also, the carts are fun to ride on.

[and just in case you thought that we were making wine-induced fools of ourselves, EVERY SINGLE ADULT we saw bringing their cart down the giant ramp from the store to the parking lot was RIDING their cart. EVERY ONE. this is why i love this city.]
and so then saturday morning came and do you know what i got to do? well, first of all, now might be a good time to mention that i'm part of an all-female a cappella group. oh yes i am. (i sing a whole lot better than i knit, for the record. thankfully.) so our group booked ourselves a limo and drove up to napa and spent the day tasting and singing and drinking wine. it was fab-u-lous.

[and frankly, i expected to return with many tales of how and why i should not be allowed in wineries, but nothing especially tragic or embarrassing happened! i didn't spill red wine down my shirt. i didn't knock over any glasses. our car didn't somehow catch fire. miraculously, it was a glorious day.]


um, i did learn that the accoustics of a wine cellar are very good for making wookie noises. and that if you are not careful, the sexist man with a bad comb-over pouring you wine will start singing songs from musicals. also i learned that if you give 10 very health-conscious women enough wine and leeway, they will eat things (like an entire loaf of "custard bread" plus bagels, cookies, muffins, cake and anything else high-sugar/low-protein you can fit into a limo) like they are going out of style.

i figure i consumed approximately 8,972 grams of carbs. roughly. whatever. it absorbs the wine.

then on sunday, i joined my friends to help set up for the afternoon's baby shower (using the supplies we tipsily purchased on friday night's outing).

and so perhaps at this point you're thinking that a baby shower is certainly not the sort of place one drinks too much wine.

you would, perhaps, be wrong. because you do not know my friends (though i believe you are getting a feel for them) and so do not understand that ANY occassion wherein we get together is occassion for wine. this is just how things are.

which meant that from noon onwards, there was much, much champagne. and while sure, there was also gift-opening and game-playing and shower-appropriate festitivites and occassional speak of babies, mostly there was champagne*.


overall, the weekend was spectacular, and as such i see no reason to yet remove wine from my weekend routines. but i do appreciate the feedback, Anonymous, and will try and keep it in mind next weekend. uh huh.



*and bacon-wrapped dates.

45 comments:

  1. I love riding the carts at Costco!!!

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  2. The only time you should remove wine from your diet is when you have a real problem, not when you just enjoy drinking it - Anonymous should be kicked, but who am I to say anything.

    I love the fact you can get all those items under one roof AND in bulk, I cannot believe you do not find that fantastic! But then again I am easily entertained and pleased.

    Sounds like a fun weekend to the 78th power.

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  3. ooo ooo, the best part of Costco is the free samples!!!!! I go there on lunch break when it's not pay day week. :D

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  4. Sounds to me like you had a very good weekend. And a little wine does not hurt anybody.

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  5. EVERYTHING is made better with wine, without a doubt. In fact, sometimes the only way to make it through is with the addition of wine. If you had met my family you would so know what I'm talking about....

    'Anonymous' can suck it.

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  6. If any of my dates had ever wrapped me in bacon, I'm not sure if I would have panicked or proposed.

    But perhaps that's not what you meant.

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  7. We should all embrace our lushiness!

    It's good to know that other women drink champagne or wine at baby showers. Afterall, the point of a baby shower is to *celebrate* the baby, right? So, celebratory beverages should be enjoyed!

    Drink on!
    clinking wine glasses

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  8. Less wine, more Jameson!

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  9. All I can say to anonymous is that anyone who reads your blog and doesn’t love it doesn't deserve to read it! As a fellow "breezily elegant" occasional boxed-wine-from-a-straw -drinker who looks god-awful in sun dresses, I'm glad to see someone is finally giving our people a voice ;)

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  10. Imagine a breezily elegant time without the drink? It can happen! :)

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  11. Come to my shop! You live close enough. We can all knit drunk :--) and I will tell you that you are knitting perfectly.

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  12. you are so damn funny! your blog makes my days...i laugh so hard! i'm guessing anonymous has never had any wine-fueled fun or he (obviously a 'he') would shut his pie-hole! drink on sista!

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  13. Can someone point me in the direction of the post that Anonymous commented on? I've looked but am apparently blind... Thanks.

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  14. http://shewalks.blogspot.com/2005/05/so-totally-completely-utterly-unfair.html#c111678756414295159

    i believe this is the one. there were others.

    i suppose i should say something about how i don't actually condone alcoholism, and of course there are many good times to be had that don't involve drinking. but well, i feel that that would be outside my artistic voice or something.

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  15. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  16. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  17. dad,

    artistic voice! artistic voice!

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  18. sam said...
    "If any of my dates had ever wrapped me in bacon, I'm not sure if I would have panicked or proposed.

    But perhaps that's not what you meant."

    I clicked comments specifically to address this issue. I had a weird visual... Was momentarily kinda turned on... and um then I got it.

    I don't eat dates so... I mean well I eat... oh nevermind.

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  19. The first step is to admit you have a problem. Wine is not only for the weekend, its for every freakin day unless your drinkin' beer of course.


    Only you can prevent a wine-less day.

    Public service announcement


    brought to you by UNDr

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  20. Signs That I Did Not Read This Carefully Enough:

    1. I read this line "the sexist man with a bad comb-over" as "the sexiEst man". I was perplexed by the paradox.

    2. I saw "*and bacon-wrapped dates." and thought "Eh? Took a date to a baby shower and wrapped him in bacon? What?" Ahem. It was only a brief thought, really and truly.

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  21. i'm a male. i drink beer. i noticed recently that i'm gaining backfat. would drinking wine instead of beer help? sorry about the visual, ladies, but i need some health advice and couldn't think of anywhere else to go. perhaps i should also get out more...

    as for the "bacon-wrapped dates," i read it right in the first place and though, "ew," but it's actually more enticing (to me) with the wrong interpretation. once more, perhaps i should get out more.

    mmm, bacon

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  22. I'm thinking those baby shower games would be really lame* with out alcohol.

    *apologies for the use of the word lame as it recently found it's way back into my vocabulary. And further apologies for using the *.

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  23. Wine is for Mondays when work sucks. 2-3 bottles usually cured what ailed me. Wine is for weekends with friends and getting your picture taken with the plastic Ronald McDonald in Walmart. Wine is for board games and making your own rules. Wine is wonderful. How could anyone ever consider life without it. Anonomous needs to try wine with friends and get a life.

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  24. Ah, yes--my cousin's baby shower was actually at a winery.
    Her mother-in-law was three sheets to the wind.

    As for anonymous--that is just about as annoying as the Jehovah's Witness on my street right now trying to save people.
    I am sure the heart is in the right place and all--but DAMN! Just shut it and move on if you disagree with someone's lifestyle!

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  25. Oh! And now that I went back and read anonymous--wasn't even good intentions that aren't needed--just someone on the bitter-bus for not having plenty of friends to go out with and indulge in wine and other libations.

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  26. What a complete loser! I had one on my blog too!

    http://glitterglamgirl05.blogspot.com/2005/05/i-cant-help-myself-rudest-comment-ever_19.html

    And you can never beat a wine-filled weekend - EVER!

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  27. I don't know, I thought that the "anonymous" comment that Kristy actually linked to was being sarcastic, not serious. But someone telling you to write "more better" is just funny. :)

    And in the future, point out to all these nice people that you DO dry out--daily, in fact! Are you starting every morning with a Bloody Mary and drinking martinis at lunch? Then you spend most of your life dry!

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  28. Also, everyone who enjoys snarkiness should check out Ellington Way. Officially my favorite comic right now.

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  29. I too did what Lorien did and read sexiEst man and was so confused!!! :) haha. WINE is a staple of any healthy diet!!! It is the best solution to any problem. Mmmm I could go for a glass right now.

    OMG Dates wrapped in bacon are AMAZING!! I thought they sounded gross too, but once you try one...You're hooked!!!

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  30. I'd bet that pretty much anything wrapped in bacon is fab...

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  31. Alcohol...the cause of and solution to all of life's problems. Well, at leat the latter :) Embrace the lushiness.

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  32. Hey!?*#@! I thought I was the only one Martha told about the bacon wrapped dates!!! I'll bet she traded the secret recipe for smokes and beef jerky in the big house.

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  33. Yes, you do seem to have a problem with alcohol. You also sound incredibly self-centered, high-maintainence, and crazy. If the fat doesn't scare men away, getting to know the real you will for sure.

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  34. Amanda is clearly an idiot. Havong found your blog through that 'Best of Craigslist' thing, I now read frequently and wonder if I should say hello if I were to run into you in the Mission.

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  35. Amanda,

    WTF? Is there a point to your remark?

    Anyway, hear hear to Mr. Dodgy - I think he speaks for the far greater majority of us.

    And since I know Kristy in real life, I can vouch for the fact that she is a beautiful, sexy, funny, vibrant young woman who turns *plenty* of (very cute boys') heads at the parties I go to with her.

    Not to mention she writes a riotously funny blog which I read every day!

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  36. Amanda, you seem to have a problem with humor. You also sound incredibly judgemental, uptight, and boring. If that isn't enough to scare people away, I'm sure you have other qualities that will do it for sure.

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  37. Amanda:

    Right, because being bitter, angry, rude and humorless is so much better.

    Are you jealous because Kristy has more internet friends than you (and, I'd venture to say given your sparkling personality, more 'real' ones, too)?

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  38. I know it has been said before. And surely Amanda herself has heard it a lot, but I feel compelled to say it anyway.

    Amanda is a twit.

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  39. kristy, i <3 reading you blogs about drinking wine, and riding the carts at costco, cause ...well... thats what i did last nite too! im one for the champagne tho.... but i have been looking for this box wine you talk about...

    dont let that one anonymous person upset you, cause there are so many of us imaginaty internet friends that love you!

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  40. ToHelInAHandbasket3:48 PM, May 25, 2005

    I had a date that I wrapped in bacon once. And then the cops arrested us for indecent exposure and lewd conduct. I thought that it was what you were expected to do at Pork Producers Expo.

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  41. And on Monday we had more wine after our fabulous indoor concert. Shall we publish those pics?

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  42. im back! I appreciate all your comments on what i thought would be ignored posts. First of all,telling someone to write "more Better" is wicked funny. Furthermore, the negative posts i put up were commented on more than all the ass kissing posts that are all over the place. way to take pride in your drinking. i still think you are a lush. you shouldn't have to depend on a drink to make your life interesting, which is what it sounds like you do.

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