tra la la, 'round i go on the workout circuit. look at me, i'm here already for the second time this week. i am a workout maven. who cares that i missed 2.5 weeks of gym going because drinking plans got in the way? now that i have worked out twice i must clearly be pounds thinner!uh huh. hi, reality? fucking endorphins.
in fact, i have been eating pretty well, i think i'll just hop on that scale there. it's been ages since i weighed in, and i can handle it. certainly i've no reason not to. i'm bound to be pleasantly surprised.
so right. i got on a scale. an lo and behold it did not tell me i'd magically lost dozens of pounds. in fact, i've hardly lost any since the last time i checked, and that was weeks ago.
and so all of a sudden, in rather dramatic fashion, the Bad Thoughts started in. the ones about how faaaaaaaaaar i still have to go. about how looooooooong it will take to get there. about how little progress i've made so far.
and when this happens, i get very discouraged. not in the "i should just give up" kind of way -- i don't tend to think like that. i get discouraged in the, "what was i doing being so confident?" kind of way. and i feel like i should just walk around in sloppy baggy clothes and big coats and wear no makeup and not talk to any boys for the next few months until i become more human-sized because right now i am just too scary and horrible.
not so rational, i know, but this is what happens when endorphins run away and the Bad Thoughts enter.
anyway, i left the gym feeling miserable and headed home in the drizzle, eager to hide out in my apartment away from the world.
and as i walked, feeling so unattractive and sad, i passed a homeless man. he was crouched low against a building under an awning trying to stay dry, and when i glanced down at him he looked me squarely in the eye and said:
"you need to put a smile on that face. things will get better. you'll see."
and that was that. i snapped right out of it. i just needed a nice big Reality Slap to remind me i should be more than grateful to have my life, such as it is...well, such as it is.
Bad Thoughts be damned.