Those Bitches Have No Respect For Gums

"my friend luuuuuuvs herself some fake hair!" my hair stylist said to me* tonight, in a casual conversation about hair extensions.

my stylist is tall and blond and beautiful and thankfully also hip and nice and the kind of girl who says what she thinks. which i love because i tend to agree with her.

unlike, say, my stylist back in darien, connecticut who was tall and auburn-haired and beautiful and also opinionated but whose opinions i neither sought nor agreed with. she was constantly telling me what i should and shouldn't be eating, who i should and shouldn't be dating, and what hair styles and colors i should never have -- not because they wouldn't look good but because she just didn't happen to like them.

"i would like this color," i'd say to the BitchyStylist, showing her a picture of Heather Locklear circa Melrose days.

"that trashy color!? never." um. but.

"well, i think it's kinda cool" i'd say, because it was.

"blond is a sickness, kristy" she'd say. and then give me nice-but-boring highlights.

so anyway, i am relieved to have HappyStylist in my life these days. who has advice (solicited) on how to lose weight without cutting back on drinking, and when i say things like, "do you think i could go lighter?" replies, "oh yeah! i am TOTALLY on board for going lighter. summer's coming!"

and who also, when i explained that i was at the dentist this morning for a teeth cleaning, exclaimed, "man that sucks! those bitches have no respect for gums."


*"me" = "the woman getting her hair done before me," but i still totally heard the conversation.

Comments

  1. PLEASE share how to lose weight without cutting back on drinking! :)

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  2. *I* have found that cutting back food calories NOT ONLY permits you to continue to engage in alcohol calories, but then induces you to hurl because you drank on a empty stomach, thus expelling whatever few calories you DID consume that day. . .not that you asked me :-)

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  3. I just have to say that I came across your blog yesterday and I absolutely love it:)

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  4. Your hairdresser sounds like a scream. Now *I* want hair extensions! Or maybe try going deep brunette...

    Indecision!

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  5. I want a hairdresser who can make ANY of me look like Heather circa Melrose place! LOL

    Plus, please do share how to lose weight without giving up alcohol!

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  6. I don't remember how I found this blog but you crack me up.

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  7. So, I started to share my insights on low-calorie drinking here, got to paragraph three, and thought...Self, you're wasting space on k's blog. So I went over to my own--that's why I have one, after all--and spilled my guts. The short version:

    Mantra One: Eating before drinking is a waste of food, not to mention time and money that could be spent on alcohol.

    Mantra Two: Wine and Booze.

    There's a method to my madness, really.

    ReplyDelete

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