Those Bitches Have No Respect For Gums
"my friend luuuuuuvs herself some fake hair!" my hair stylist said to me* tonight, in a casual conversation about hair extensions.
my stylist is tall and blond and beautiful and thankfully also hip and nice and the kind of girl who says what she thinks. which i love because i tend to agree with her.
unlike, say, my stylist back in darien, connecticut who was tall and auburn-haired and beautiful and also opinionated but whose opinions i neither sought nor agreed with. she was constantly telling me what i should and shouldn't be eating, who i should and shouldn't be dating, and what hair styles and colors i should never have -- not because they wouldn't look good but because she just didn't happen to like them.
"i would like this color," i'd say to the BitchyStylist, showing her a picture of Heather Locklear circa Melrose days.
"that trashy color!? never." um. but.
"well, i think it's kinda cool" i'd say, because it was.
"blond is a sickness, kristy" she'd say. and then give me nice-but-boring highlights.
so anyway, i am relieved to have HappyStylist in my life these days. who has advice (solicited) on how to lose weight without cutting back on drinking, and when i say things like, "do you think i could go lighter?" replies, "oh yeah! i am TOTALLY on board for going lighter. summer's coming!"
and who also, when i explained that i was at the dentist this morning for a teeth cleaning, exclaimed, "man that sucks! those bitches have no respect for gums."
*"me" = "the woman getting her hair done before me," but i still totally heard the conversation.
my stylist is tall and blond and beautiful and thankfully also hip and nice and the kind of girl who says what she thinks. which i love because i tend to agree with her.
unlike, say, my stylist back in darien, connecticut who was tall and auburn-haired and beautiful and also opinionated but whose opinions i neither sought nor agreed with. she was constantly telling me what i should and shouldn't be eating, who i should and shouldn't be dating, and what hair styles and colors i should never have -- not because they wouldn't look good but because she just didn't happen to like them.
"i would like this color," i'd say to the BitchyStylist, showing her a picture of Heather Locklear circa Melrose days.
"that trashy color!? never." um. but.
"well, i think it's kinda cool" i'd say, because it was.
"blond is a sickness, kristy" she'd say. and then give me nice-but-boring highlights.
so anyway, i am relieved to have HappyStylist in my life these days. who has advice (solicited) on how to lose weight without cutting back on drinking, and when i say things like, "do you think i could go lighter?" replies, "oh yeah! i am TOTALLY on board for going lighter. summer's coming!"
and who also, when i explained that i was at the dentist this morning for a teeth cleaning, exclaimed, "man that sucks! those bitches have no respect for gums."
*"me" = "the woman getting her hair done before me," but i still totally heard the conversation.
PLEASE share how to lose weight without cutting back on drinking! :)
ReplyDelete*I* have found that cutting back food calories NOT ONLY permits you to continue to engage in alcohol calories, but then induces you to hurl because you drank on a empty stomach, thus expelling whatever few calories you DID consume that day. . .not that you asked me :-)
ReplyDeleteI just have to say that I came across your blog yesterday and I absolutely love it:)
ReplyDeleteYour hairdresser sounds like a scream. Now *I* want hair extensions! Or maybe try going deep brunette...
ReplyDeleteIndecision!
I want a hairdresser who can make ANY of me look like Heather circa Melrose place! LOL
ReplyDeletePlus, please do share how to lose weight without giving up alcohol!
I don't remember how I found this blog but you crack me up.
ReplyDeleteSo, I started to share my insights on low-calorie drinking here, got to paragraph three, and thought...Self, you're wasting space on k's blog. So I went over to my own--that's why I have one, after all--and spilled my guts. The short version:
ReplyDeleteMantra One: Eating before drinking is a waste of food, not to mention time and money that could be spent on alcohol.
Mantra Two: Wine and Booze.
There's a method to my madness, really.