Thursday, May 05, 2005

Those Bitches Have No Respect For Gums

"my friend luuuuuuvs herself some fake hair!" my hair stylist said to me* tonight, in a casual conversation about hair extensions.

my stylist is tall and blond and beautiful and thankfully also hip and nice and the kind of girl who says what she thinks. which i love because i tend to agree with her.

unlike, say, my stylist back in darien, connecticut who was tall and auburn-haired and beautiful and also opinionated but whose opinions i neither sought nor agreed with. she was constantly telling me what i should and shouldn't be eating, who i should and shouldn't be dating, and what hair styles and colors i should never have -- not because they wouldn't look good but because she just didn't happen to like them.

"i would like this color," i'd say to the BitchyStylist, showing her a picture of Heather Locklear circa Melrose days.

"that trashy color!? never." um. but.

"well, i think it's kinda cool" i'd say, because it was.

"blond is a sickness, kristy" she'd say. and then give me nice-but-boring highlights.

so anyway, i am relieved to have HappyStylist in my life these days. who has advice (solicited) on how to lose weight without cutting back on drinking, and when i say things like, "do you think i could go lighter?" replies, "oh yeah! i am TOTALLY on board for going lighter. summer's coming!"

and who also, when i explained that i was at the dentist this morning for a teeth cleaning, exclaimed, "man that sucks! those bitches have no respect for gums."


*"me" = "the woman getting her hair done before me," but i still totally heard the conversation.

8 comments:

  1. PLEASE share how to lose weight without cutting back on drinking! :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. *I* have found that cutting back food calories NOT ONLY permits you to continue to engage in alcohol calories, but then induces you to hurl because you drank on a empty stomach, thus expelling whatever few calories you DID consume that day. . .not that you asked me :-)

    ReplyDelete
  3. I just have to say that I came across your blog yesterday and I absolutely love it:)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Your hairdresser sounds like a scream. Now *I* want hair extensions! Or maybe try going deep brunette...

    Indecision!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I'll agree about the cleaners and gums...for someone who is supposed to love and respect teeth, they take sadistic pleasure in poking around until you are writhing in pain.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I want a hairdresser who can make ANY of me look like Heather circa Melrose place! LOL

    Plus, please do share how to lose weight without giving up alcohol!

    ReplyDelete
  7. I don't remember how I found this blog but you crack me up.

    ReplyDelete
  8. So, I started to share my insights on low-calorie drinking here, got to paragraph three, and thought...Self, you're wasting space on k's blog. So I went over to my own--that's why I have one, after all--and spilled my guts. The short version:

    Mantra One: Eating before drinking is a waste of food, not to mention time and money that could be spent on alcohol.

    Mantra Two: Wine and Booze.

    There's a method to my madness, really.

    ReplyDelete