Internet Speed Dating
um, hi. i'm terrifying.
seriously, i'm cute and fun and all, but i am also often a bit much at times. you know? can you even imagine? do you have any idea how much i talk? about nothing? and everything? all at once?
right, so i know you have been wondering about the HottieHot bus dude and let me say, i haven't heard from him and i haven't spotted him again. apparently, my writing about cute strangers makes them disappear. so whatever.
instead, i ventured to meet another internet guy (i know, shutup) last night. while on speed.
now, i don't really do drugs. i drink enough as it is. but allergy season is upon us in an harsh way, and i have been in rough shape. so i took some claritin, non-drowsy.
[actually, truth be told i took "wal-i-tin" which is the sad-ass walgreens version of claritin. i also own wal-dryl and wal-profen. it's possible i just buy these for their names. whatever.]
do you know what claritin non-drowsy is? i can tell you now that it is NOT a version of the drug without the thing that makes you drowsy. it's the drug that makes you drowsy but with so much ADDED SPEED that the drowsy effect is countered. uh huh.
but if you don't know that, say...and then say you take that AND have more coffee than usual that day...and then say you don't eat very much that day either...and THEN say you have to go meet an internet stranger and you are naturally nervous about it... and THEN you meet the guy and he's actually HOT and THEN...
...do you know what you might sound like to the poor internet guy? do you know how fast you might be able to speak and fly off on unrelated tangents and ask questions and interrupt and flail your arms and hands about to emphasize your points and interject your own half-stories with nervous laughter and have to ask, 'wait, what was i talking about?' more than once?
because i do.
seriously, i'm cute and fun and all, but i am also often a bit much at times. you know? can you even imagine? do you have any idea how much i talk? about nothing? and everything? all at once?
right, so i know you have been wondering about the HottieHot bus dude and let me say, i haven't heard from him and i haven't spotted him again. apparently, my writing about cute strangers makes them disappear. so whatever.
instead, i ventured to meet another internet guy (i know, shutup) last night. while on speed.
now, i don't really do drugs. i drink enough as it is. but allergy season is upon us in an harsh way, and i have been in rough shape. so i took some claritin, non-drowsy.
[actually, truth be told i took "wal-i-tin" which is the sad-ass walgreens version of claritin. i also own wal-dryl and wal-profen. it's possible i just buy these for their names. whatever.]
do you know what claritin non-drowsy is? i can tell you now that it is NOT a version of the drug without the thing that makes you drowsy. it's the drug that makes you drowsy but with so much ADDED SPEED that the drowsy effect is countered. uh huh.
but if you don't know that, say...and then say you take that AND have more coffee than usual that day...and then say you don't eat very much that day either...and THEN say you have to go meet an internet stranger and you are naturally nervous about it... and THEN you meet the guy and he's actually HOT and THEN...
...THEN you have a gi-normous martini...
...do you know what you might sound like to the poor internet guy? do you know how fast you might be able to speak and fly off on unrelated tangents and ask questions and interrupt and flail your arms and hands about to emphasize your points and interject your own half-stories with nervous laughter and have to ask, 'wait, what was i talking about?' more than once?
because i do.
Ohhh Kristy...not good.
ReplyDeleteBut the real question is...what did he think of you...otherwise???
med dating... actually ended up with a boyfriend for a few months that way. I later found out that he could never understand why I didn't always act as crazy as the night we had our first date... it was right after a car accident and oh what a mix of muscle relaxers, pain killers and tequila will do to a girl!
ReplyDeleteSo, anyway, you never know, he may well have been too nervous himself to pay that much attention to the speed... but if he did notice, and expects you to be that way in the future, could present a problem... ;~)
You actually made me laugh aloud. Good thing my boss isn't here.
ReplyDeleteI also thought for quite some time that mentioning a boy in a blog immediately guaranteed his demise. (Not literally--just in your life.)
ReplyDeleteBut I've discovered that's not true.
Additionally, I need a Darwin award: I just spent several minutes going through my backlog of livejournal entries so I could link to the actual entry in which I made this declaration...only to remember that you can't link in comments.
Just smack me.
Yes I too have learned the hard way, that non-drowsy antihistimines pretty much cut your tolerence for alcohol in half. Very suprising for me one night! Especially the amount of drinks I can usually consume vs. what knocked me on my ass that night...
ReplyDeleteI absolutely love your blog and have been sending it to all my friends!
I met a fellow through the internet once and we dated for a couple of months. I was just beginning to think he was okay (normal) and he showed me a tiny scar on his chest and told me that was where the aliens probed him when they took his sister and him away on the spaceship when he was a little boy. Yeah, really.
ReplyDeleteAarwenn-- not sure why you think you can't link here...just use html code.
ReplyDeleteI've been there--and on the otherside--so nervous I can only giggle at the most mundane things. My normal laugh--like a hyena in heat--my nervous laugh--hyena in heat inhaling helium.
ReplyDeleteYIKES!
I am pretty much like that all the time too, until I am in the comfort of my own home and can just r-e-l-a-x. But I appear high much of the time out in the real world.
ReplyDeleteHopefully, he thought you were cute. That's what I usually get.
Oh, you do that too? But you were on speed and martinis? I WISH I had that excuse... I am either deadly silent or jabbering and flailing... all-the-while spilling stuff on my boobs because I have a big rack, too. All with no medication necessary... it's pathetic. They usually still call me tho... hmm... I think the big boobs outweigh the spazzing for most guys - at least here in DC. Pigs.
ReplyDeleteAarwenn-- not sure why you think you can't link here...just use html code.
ReplyDeleteI'm really laughing out loud here..:)
ReplyDeleteSeriously, finding some internet guys out there makes me confused sometimes, because you can't even trust someone directly specially if you just met him in the internet but I can say that online dating is fun, you will meet different men with different personality of course and different perspectives in life.
oh you sound so interesting huh ! I'm also active in online dating hope to communicate and know you in person.
ReplyDelete