Stupid Memory

i would really like to not notice dates on the calendar that i should not notice.

today is may the second.

yep. and i woke up aware of this, annoyed at first. and then i decided that rather than be annoyed, i should actually be thankful.

because were it not for this man, who is today turning 33 (oh look at that! he's still four years older than i am! muahahahaha!), i would never have had the nerve to move to san francisco:
the ex

featured above is a man who was sweet and nice and great and supportive. until he WASN'T and then left me. OVER THE PHONE. while i was visiting with with my terminally ill mother.

yes. he. did.

so you know, when something like that happens--and by "something like that" i mean the man you said vows to leaving you OVER THE PHONE--you get a little bit testy.

and then you find yourself thinking things like, "you know what? i'll bet someplace 3,000 miles away would be nice. i hear san francisco is beautiful. i think maybe i should move there. yeah, okay." and then you do.

and then it's four years later and it turns out san francisco is beautiful and moving there has been the best thing ever. and you have so many amazing things (friends and dates and cats and yarn and best of all a BLOG where you can post pictures of your AGING ex who would be MORTIFIED to see his mug on this site should he ever come across it, ha ha), you hardly ever concern yourself with thoughts of that very bad man.

except maybe on his birthday.


  1. you should be celebrating on his birthday. celebrating that he was kind enough to let you know EARLY on what an asshole he was. buh bye. don't let the door hit you in the ass. (as my italian grandmother used to say...)

  2. Exactly - just be glad you know what he really was like now!

  3. And those of us that get to be in your incredible presence almost every day are so thankful to the aging ex who unwittingly inspired you to move here to the lovely Bay Area.

  4. What a cocksmack. My ex (and partial reason for moving to CA) stopped taking my calls and returning my emails, so it really wasn't as bad as being left over phone while visiting a terminally ill parent. He did, however, convince a "friend" to give him a copy of an email I had sent her. Erm...confused.

    JERK! ASS! Being thankful is a great way to look at it because San Francisco is so teh shit.

  5. And! I forgot to mention that while I don't know you and just recently started reading your blog, I find you to be entertaining and sweet and wonderful.

  6. i was thinking about the date my ex and i got together, and was planning on some super self pity mourning fest, but then i totally forgot it when it arrived.

    i'm a guy afterall.

  7. You TOTALLY won in the end on this one.

    He looks ridiulous.

    And anyone who breaks up with someone over the phone definitely IS ridiulous, even if before that time he hid his ridiculousness VERY WELL.

  8. Can I just write "ditto" to all of these?

  9. That in itself is hilariously bittersweet. I agree with stayco since you did know early on what an a-hole he is. Over the phone? WTF? Ok, right. Glad to have you here though, glad to know that you're happy as is, where you are with who you are... without him!

  10. Happy Birthday, dear Daaaaaaaaaaaaaavve...

    Happy Birthday, Screw You!

    Eh, who wants a man with half a face, anyway. :D

  11. Can I just write "ditto" to all of these?

  12. But the best part would be him stumbling onto the site and not only seeing the picture, but reading the fun comments everyone has to say about him, and the lovely glowing things everyone has to say about you. He's an asshat and you are gold.
    -Loyal Blog Reader/Fello Vagina

  13. Digging the 1/2 picture...and you should spend the day thinking about all the people who might at least recognize 1/2 of him and know he sucked. :)

  14. Hahaha. Hilarious. I guess it's stories like this that make me want to believe that everything does really happen for a reason... I moved from New York to PK for various reasons, and am still not sure if it was the right decision!

  15. Listen,

    I can totally understand. I RISKED MY LIFE to be with my ex and now she won't/can't/refuses to pick up the phone.

    Good times.

  16. By the way, should you be interested to learn how the male mind goes through a massive split up, check out my blog.

    How Diane Lane Saved my Life

  17. My wife has a similar story; she might never have moved to Florida if it weren't for an idiot who didn't know a good thing when he had it and let her go. His loss was my gain. We never would have met if she hadn't moved here.

    Also, I was going to say, "While I don't know you and just recently started reading your blog, I find you to be entertaining and sweet and wonderful," but Jo the Stalker beat me to it.

  18. you guys are so awesome -- thank you for sharing some of your similar experiences.

    i'm so lucky to have you all poking around here!

    tra la laaaaaaa!

  19. Ugh, I know the feeling. He wasn't my husband, but my boyfriends for several years and his birthday was April 26. Guess what I did on that day? Had a HOT date and awesome sex. =)

  20. You know how people say that things happen for a reason? And when that "thing" has just recently happened that kind of reasoning doesn't help the situation. But then a couple of years pass and you realize that you're in way better place...things do happen for a reason...

  21. you were married to him? and he left you while you were with your dying mother? what a fucking asshole.

  22. Okay I've read exactly two posts and this is my new favorite blog. Mind if I link you from mine? It would mostly be for me to use since no one reads there or knows it exists...

    I am in the move 3000 miles away mode myself... ;)

  23. I put a mirror to that half-faced bastard's picture...I think I know that guy !! He was all wrong for you anyway.

  24. oh man, i thought mine was bad. my hubby left me while i was 4 months pregnant. live and learn. You are so not alone! Chin up.

  25. I'm in the recent convert category and I LOVE your blogs but I have to ask, did you steal my life??

    My slimeball former-love-of-life-for-five-years dumped me via phone and every year I wonder about him on his b'day too. (which happens to be today - go figure.) So reading this blog today was perfect. I'm going to have a kickass day and gloat that he's not around to share it!

  26. Just remember that everyone is normal until you get to know them! It's all character buliding! We are all better off without the assholes in our lives. Enjoy the gift you got out of this...your own happy life without that deadweight. I love your blog!

  27. cocksmack? asshat? nice. but let's take it a step further just for shits and giggles.

    how about he is a cocksmackin' asshat?

    or a assmackin' cockhat?

    my all time personal fave? assface. he totally is, i mean, who does that?!? who?!! assfaces. that's who.


    (miss k, your blog just made my day, thank you kindly. i just had surgery on my girly parts (endometriosis) and it's hurts like a motha f'kah and nothing is very funny right now, even on gobs of Percocet. but your blog has made me laugh so hard my incisions ache. and you should be proud of that girlfriend. very proud.)


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