The Lamest Part Two EVER!

i know you were waiting, imaginary internet friends, to find out what would happen if i saw the HottieHot on the bus again.

and i'll tell you.

i would get Girl-Stupid, and he would show his Boy-Stupidity, and that would be the end of THAT.

::me, getting on a very empty bus, twenty minutes earlier than usual::

"there are like 7 people on this bus. is it always this empty at this time? didn't i used to be on this early all the time? when did i change times? i need to be more career-minded and go-getter-y and stuff. i should be on this early bus all the time and get to work early all the time. like a real career person."

*bopping along to iPod*

"i don't recognize any of these people, either. who rides this early bus?"


"omgomgomg. that's him. right? that's him? sitting in the back again, where he was before? your HottieHot 'hi, i'm michael'??? did he see you? why aren't you wearing eye makeup today? and why are you wearing your tired fleece jacket? you are in NO shape to be meeting hotties on the bus, girl. no shape at all. he might not even recognize you. you should ignore him and wait till some other morning when you don't look like this.

"wait NO. your imaginary internet friends deserve better than that. they will get mad at you if you just sit there and don't do anything. you should do something. look at him and smile, and make yourself approachable. take off your broken-ass earbuds and put the iPod away and look pleasing. don't look too happy though, or you'll look crazy.

"okay, look at him NOW. good.

"wtf? he saw you. he didn't even acknowledge you. what is that? (did he get a haircut?) why did he not acknowledge you. maybe you really do look a lot crappier than you did that other day. but come on, you don't look THAT different. do you? maybe it was a big mistake the other day. maybe it was just a fluke that one morning and he doesn't even remember. hey, you're not even sure it's really the same guy even.

"it's totally the same guy because he is in the same sweatshirt and look, check out his shoes. you spent way too much time staring at his shoes the other day, you know you'll recognize them.

"damn, can't see them from here.

"wait, is that him getting up? this is like, nowhere near where he got off the other day. try and see if you can catch his eye now that he's near the door. one more glance/smile should do it.

"NOTHING. he must think you're a lunatic. (haircut looks great.) crazy bus girl smiling at him, clearly trying to get his attention. and there he goes, off the bus and HOLD THE PHONE.

"is that woman getting off the bus WITH him? they were sitting together and now they are talking and getting off the bus togeth--

"look at them on the sidewalk together. that is no bus acquaintance. she is TOTALLY his girlfriend."

and that concludes our exciting story of how and why i will not be dating the guy on the bus who seems a whole lot less HottieHot than he once did.


  1. ARGH!

    I hate it when fantasies don't pan out!

    Can I just say...ARGH!!!

  2. Ah No! Why do these stories always end this way?!?! People in relationships who are traveling sans significant other (such as on a bus) should either have some sort of public branding to let the rest of us know they are relationshipaly-tainted or just not be allowed to converse with Single-World citizens.
    I do appreciate you following through on behalf of the IIFs though, I was totally reading on the edge of my seat.

  3. Ohhh that totally sucks. Fantasies should always work out the way we want them. I try to diminish the occurrance of fantasies by picturing my crush with any number of seemingly perfect women I'm sure he'd be happier with. But that only helps to make me feel like crap.

    I don't know if I had a point or not. But that totally sucks. I feel you on this one.

  4. !!!!! NO!!!!

    Keep your heads up girl.. you are a gem, the right one will come when you least expect it and when you are not looking.

  5. Are you SURE it was the same guy? Maybe it was just someone who looked similar, there are lots of similar-looking people out there. I mean, he didn't even get off at the same stop, so it sounds like this was a different guy. I really don't think it was HottieHot!

  6. It's not a bad thing, just a process of elimination type of thing - he probably had webbed feet and inverted nipples.

  7. Grrr. Evil Bus Boy! No longer deserves qualification as hottiehot. How dare he not make you fantasy come true?

  8. This just proves that married or otherwise-attached men shouldn't be allowed out in public unsupervised.

  9. Hold on! Are you sure it was his girlfriend, and not just his sister?

  10. well, they were of different races, so probably not.

  11. Oh bad luck. You'll just have to work the fish/sea theme for a while.

  12. Darn, this always happens to me too. There will be others as they say. Meh...

  13. Good for you for automatically discounting a taken guy. Too many girls would just wait until the next time they saw him alone and then they'd make their move. Was there ever such a thing as female solidarity?

  14. Okay, I am one of the anonymous commenters from yesterday's engagement announcement (a.k.a. War of the World's panic spreader among the sarcastically impaired) and I just want to offer my condolences. In the words of some old dead poet from somewhere "T'would have been better to have never seen his face again." Okay, I said it, but it worked so go with it.

  15. K-
    That really sucks... Is there a chance it was just a friend, maybe?? If not, why don't the taken ones just tell you that they are taken, but flirting with you anyway. Something along the lines of:

    hi, you're beautiful, my girlfriend (fiance, wife) would think so, too!

    The taken ones definitely do their fair share of flirting (like one of my vegas stories, but at least that was vegas and not normal public behavior). I'm sure there are many HotterThanHottieHots just waiting to run into you on the muni!

  16. OMG you were so hotter than her though right? I mean you didn't even notice her until she skanked off the bus with him. If she were hot you would have sensed a threat. RIDE THE EARLY BUS TOMORROW AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WEAR EYE MAKEUP!


  17. admit it--you would have felt better if he walked off w/ a guy and then held his hand.

    "It's like meeting the man of your dreams...and then meeting his beautiful wife...isn't it ironic."

  18. so unfair. that happened to me once. but it was the subway.

  19. Luck affects everything. Let your hook always be cast. In the stream where you least expect it, there will be a fish. -Ovid

    K- Wear the eye makeup or learn how to be kick ass without it! (You're already kick ass according to all of us IIF .. hehe)

  20. BASTARD! He obviously doesn't understand bus etiquette!

  21. Stupid guy! WTF is wrong with them! I feel your pain! His loss!


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