Thursday, June 16, 2005

So As I Was Saying

(before i was interrupted with life)

i had to go get my annual physical on tuesday. that's always fun, isn't it?

first of all, i scheduled an 8:40 a.m. appointment for no good reason. and then of COURSE i was out till the wee hours the night before. and not because i think partying on a monday night is a good thing, but it was my a cappella group's last rehearsal with one of our founding members and so we HAD to go out afterwards. and we had ourselves a grand ole' time at a charming piano bar where we sang a LOT and provided entertainment for an obnoxious group of incredibly drunk, suited men, one of whom thought it was AWESOME! that some of us hailed from the east coast and told us so approximately 800 times.

MAINE RULES! by the way.

anyway, so then i had to get up and get myself to the doctor's office despite being stressed and unprepared and very fuzzy. i left my apartment three times (that's as in one, two, three) because i kept forgetting things. like a. where i was going. and then b. my bus pass. and then c. my insurance. and c. was a bitch because i couldn't remember in which of the 5 or 6 "Places I Keep Important Documents" i'd put my new insurance information, so i had to make a mad scramble through my drawers and then couldn't remember which was old information and which was new and which provider is for eyecare and which is for dental and which is for the regular doctor (who is also my o-b-g-y-we-cannot-say-it-but-you-know-who-the-voldemort).

so i jammed 4 different (unopened) envelopes into my bag and headed out.

and sure, here's where you might want to say to me, hey krisy, maybe if you actually opened your mail you might know which insurance provider is which. but then if you did i would just glare at you because i know that, thanks, and besides i'm late.

so by the time i actually got out of my apartment building i realized i didn't have much time to catch the bus. which was problematic.

because where the bus is a normal part of everyday life for many people, it is still challenging for me. see, i'm still not very good at taking the bus. my sense of direction is not so much a "sense" as it is a "vague concept" and so i have a habit of getting on the wrong bus. or sometimes the right bus going in the wrong direction.

so rather than guess and do something stupid, i called Snarky (yes, at 8:15) to confirm what bus i should take. and she told me i could just take the "1 California" and that would do the trick. and i thought "hey! that's easy!" since i live next to california.

right?

uh huh. right. so then, i have a question for you. (especially for those of you who don't live in san francisco and who don't regularly take mass transit.) ready?

Q: On what street does the 1 California travel?

think you've got the answer?

okay, let me see it.

oh look, you ALSO said "California!"

well i am here to tell you, dear imaginary internet friends, that i have asked you a TRICK QUESTION. because in fact the official answer to "on what street does the 1 California travel" is:

A: California, some of the fucking time.

so standing on the corner of california -- all prepared to go to the voldemort's office in the right direction and everything -- i happened to notice that i was not actually standing at a bus stop. and that there wasn't a stop anywhere near me.

um.

i called Snarky back.

me: there is no bus stop.

Snarky: where are you?

me: i'm on california.

Snarky: are you sure?

see, she knows me.

me: yes, i swear.

Snarky: oh, well, you know, now that i think about it, where you are the California runs on Sacramento.

me: it does?? why? this isn't a one-way street! how am i supposed to know this? how do people know these things? how do YOU know these things?

Snarky: we buy maps.

oh. well, whatever. you probably open your mail, too.

anyway, i got on a bus and got to the doctor's office. and that's when i got the call that Healy was going into active labor after almost 24 hours of being at the hospital.

which meant that i was even more distracted and fuzzy when i arrived at the doctor's office and approached the front desk. (right on time, i should add.)

front desk lady with no sense of humor whatsoever: yes?

who starts off a doctor's office visit with "yes?" why do you think i'm here? don't confuse me.

me: i'm kristy, i have an 8:40 appointment.

fdlwnsohw, looking at her monitor: mm-hmm. and are you still living at 33--

me: no, i've moved.

because i'm not engaged anymore either, thanks.

fdlwnsohw: you are going to have to fill out this form then. insurance?

me: um, yes.

fdlwnsohw: who is your carrier?

me, digging through purse: um, i don't know...

i didn't open my envelopes on the bus because i forgot. which meant i was now rummaging through my bag and desperately opening pieces of mail to see if something was notice of insurance.

me: ...is XYZ an insurance company? does that sound right?

fdlwnsohw: are we in their network?

i don't even know if it's an insurance company, how does she think i could possibly know the answer to that question.

me: yes.

fdlwnsohw: but you don't have your card?

me, still rummaging: no.

but i do have a bill for $31.27 for the dentist i should probably pay.

dflwnsohw: here. fill out the top half of this form. you can just pay out-of-pocket today and if you find your insurance information you can have them reimburse you. here. have a seat in the waiting area.

me, totally not meaning it: thank you.

i took a seat and continued going through my mail. and then not only did i find something from a recognizable insurance company, i opened it and discovered it was actually an insurance card! oh lucky day! (but then just as i was going to march back to the humorless woman with my Bona Fide Insurance Card, i got called into the voldemort's office so i had to pass it on to the technician instead. no getting to prove my Insurance Status to the scary lady for me.)

anyway, the visit went pretty much uneventfully. except just as i had positoned myself on my back with my paper gown on and my feet in the stirrups, i looked at the clock and then burst into complete hysterics.

my doctor who was still preparing the torture device was rather alarmed.

the voldemort: uh, why are you laughing?

me: because i just realized that my sister is in the same position at this very moment!

and then i laughed more.

she didn't think it was as funny as i did, but that happens a lot.

anyway, i will end this post by telling you that the bus is even more elusive on the way back.

and yes, i got off at the wrong stop.

31 comments:

  1. BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (breathe, breathe) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (pant, gasp) HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. AHAHAHA. HAHAHA. Haha. ha. Whew.

    That's just how funny you are.

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  2. and i'm not engaged anymore either, thanks.

    You say that like it's a bad thing ;)

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  3. Wow. Having worked for a Voldemort at one time I have to say the front desk lady...was a total idiot! She should've had your insurance info in her PC, and thus making the horror a bit better...and the Voldemort? Should have a freaking sense of humor...considering what she does for a living. Mine does. Otherwise I wouldn't go to her.

    And yes she is the one I used to work for.

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  4. I loved the story. I'll have to check into your other ones and see if they are just as funny.

    By the way...I know it's a little early, but happy bithday!

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  5. In defense of front desk people (no i am not one but i represent them in the medical software world), you are supposed to update insurance information every time you see a patient. Why? well, this was an annual. usually, insurance info changes about once a year. do the math. they ask everybody so please do not refer to her as an "idiot".

    her not being nice just plain sucks though. though that job is pretty thankless and pretty boring i will say.

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  6. Maine kicks the ASS.

    Charlie is a cutie pie.

    And you are funny! Ha!

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  7. I love Maine too! Vacationland baby!

    Anyway, that *is* too bad about your voldemort not thinking your comment was funny. I loved it!

    even though my voldemort caused me much pain recently, i do really like her. she's so easy to talk to.

    to bad she's in palo alto, or I'd refer you!

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  8. the same thing happened to me with the 1 California. I was somewhere on California Street and needed to get home, and I remembered, oh the 1 California at least goes in the right direction, and then I walked for MILES on california st. looking for a bus stop. Finally there was a bus stop for some other line and I looked at the map and thought, oh of COURSE, it's on SACRAMENTO street, how silly of me. Not.

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  9. This is why I NEVER go to an OBGYwouldI. Besides, I insist on keeping my boots on, and the spurs stick in the stirrups. (is that weird?)

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  10. The 1 California is precisely the reason I decided to not live on Nob Hill or Russian Hill. I would just get too confused.

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  11. and you mock me for being so fond of carrying maps of all local public transit systems on me at all times. i love you anyway.

    neener!
    -el snarkster

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  12. To the anonymous who is in the medical software field.

    Yes, I agree, it is their "job" to ask for insurance information every visit. But that doesn't excuse them from being inhuman.

    And as a front desk person, they should KNOW if they are within the network of an insurance company. Patient doesn't usually have that information.

    And if the medical office is well prepared, they would have verified insurance eligibility and authorization prior to the visit. If eligibility or authorization is not in placed, contacting patient for that information and have it arranged before the visit. That ensures thing doesn't have to be "dealt" with when the patient arrive for the visit. Not to mention telling a patient to pay and get reimbursed from insurance company is just poor customer service.

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  13. oh Anonymous (the medical software one) lighten up...she wasn't attacking the medical front desk field - it was just a story! A super funny story...

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  14. the world against me said it so much better than I did!

    We all have your back Kristy!!

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  15. Congrats on the nephew! One of mine just graduated High School because I am 90 (really only 27), but damn when those kids grow up they make you feel old. Enjoy the youngness while it last!

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  16. Where is there a piano bar in SF???

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  17. el_g,

    okay, okay. we know it *is* a good thing but the point was that i had to point it out to the front desk lady and then again to my dr. who started off the conversation with, "so? did you get married!?"

    plus who'd want to marry a rooster anyway?

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  18. Kristy wasn't the one mean to the front desk lady- it was the other commenter.

    granted, they probably should know if the insurance is in their network (at least, certainly more so than a patient would whose usualy response should be "what's a network"), but amazingly enough, sometimes systems don't have all the info.

    also, yes, if the clinic was well prepared, they should have the info in. but most places will still ask for your card (if for no other reason than to verify copays). If there weren't a card, they HAVE to charge as self-pay. If you can say nothing else about clinics it certainly would be that they definitely make sure that they gonna get paid. But maybe they just went up on a new system- i've seen it, it's not pretty and re-entering the data is sometimes necessary.

    speaking of which, here's one i think kristy and the others would love. I went to help out a clinic. there, they used the husband as the guarantor in every case. meaning that for EVERY SINGLE PERSON that came up to the desk, they would ask them if they were married. harsh.

    the baby is beautiful. your sister looks grand.

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  19. WHOOOOOHOOOOOO!!!!!

    Catching my breath... thanks again for the chuckle.

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  20. question: did you explain that your sister was giving birth, or just in that position?

    that might explain why the doctor didn't find it all that funny. haha

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  21. Anonymous, I totally understand your point. But I still say that particular office (and those who practice the way they do) are not protecting themselves, and making sure they are getting paid.

    Getting a copy of insurance card is in no way ensuring that "they (are) gonna get paid". Most insurance card will have some kind of verbiage that states the presence of the card is in no way a guarantee of payment. That in order to receive benefits, member must be covered at the time of service. Just because a patient has a card to present to you, doesn’t mean they have coverage. And if you find out afterwards that they don’t have coverage, you now have a bill out for collection.

    That’s why in our clinic, before the patient’s appointment. All patients’ insurance eligibility would have been verified. If authorizations were required, it would have been obtained. All co-pay, share-of-cost and deductible are collected before patients are seen. All our patients know this procedure and conform to it. In the time that I have been here, we have never send out a bill to collect money from our patients, and our rejection percentage from insurance companies are single digit.

    I would love to see what the billing and rejection rate for these other offices are like.

    But enough bickering on Kristy’s blog, if you want to continue this conversation, come to my blog or email me.

    Kristy, my apologies and keep up the great work.

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  22. Cant we all just get along?

    Undr

    P.S. Funny as hell you are the stirrup queen(Whatever the hell that means)

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  23. "who'd want to marry a rooster anyway." LOL!
    Like that classic marble rye seinfeld episode: "Who does the rooster have sex with?"

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  24. plus who'd want to marry a rooster anyway?

    Funny, I always translate "el gallo" as "the cock"...

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  25. alta vista disagrees with you:

    "Babel Fish Translation
    In English:
    the rooster"

    But if you change your pic to a picture of your cock with "El Gallo" written on it with a big black sharpie, I'll accept your translation.

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  26. I just spent my entire Friday here at work reading every single one of your entries. You are hysterical and made it SO EASY to do practically nothing today.

    Thanks!
    Jamie

    PS> I"m up in the north bay so I'll be down for the next blog party!

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  27. But if you change your pic to a picture of your cock with "El Gallo" written on it with a big black sharpie, I'll accept your translation.

    *squints sharply in Serrephim's general direction*

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  28. Fine then, have it your way, Mr. Rooster.

    :D

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  29. Ok....I'm a MAN....I don't get it.....

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  30. Um...no illustration of the dr visit??? you dissapoint....

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  31. K...your killing me

    no new news.....

    its not easy beiing imaginary, i have to constantly check your blog to keep from being just a figment

    beautiful baby, hope your having a blast

    side note, if i promise to bring 2 boxes of wine and some yarn will you write more....huh...huh...will ya

    jury

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