so i thought a lot on the plane about how many breezy-elegance inspired stories i haven't told you guys yet. and man, are there ever a LOT of them.
[sidenote: um, remember how this blog was supposed to be about weight-loss and knitting? yah-huh. well, since my GYM CLOSED and i've been preparing for my travels and everything, i have not been very good. and hi? sitting around drinking wine and watching my sister with her newborn? not excercise. but more on my renewed renewed renewed weight-loss plans later. (uh, nothing like being around tan, beautiful, quasi-anorexic women to remind oneself of one's goals...) oh and knitting? i was totally on my way to finishing the friggin' ribbed-for-her-pleasure cap for Snarky when i discovered that somehow my wine had crept in and dropped a couple stitches. (yes, the wine dropped the stitches, not me.) but i'm not entirely sure how to fix that, so i just stopeed. i did make a nice scarf, though! and was pleased to discover non-metal knitting needles are allowed on the plane.]anyway.
so tonight i'm scheduled to have dinner with my darling Post-Modern Relationship guy friend. (this is the one who would've been an ideal match for me if by "ideal" i mean "my opposite who i could never actually date because he would drive me crazy and then i would have to kill him.") and it's always fun when he comes into town because i get to pick a fancy, cool, hip SF place to take my tall, handsome, dashing just-in-from-europe friend.
these semi-annual dinners make me feel so urban and chic, you know?
but but but, we all know i'm really usually just uh, breezily elegant.
and thus, i picked the restaurant for tonight for a very special reason. because i have something to prove.
see, last december, my company had a nice holiday party at this restaurant. very trendy. very chill. good spot for a non-demoninational, sf-like festive gathering. uh huh. and the food was amazing and the drinks were great and the service was delightful.
so picture this with me. about an hour into the event, i was in a great mood. the party was going well. i had had a few glasses of wine. my colleagues were convivial. my date (TheBoy) looked great and was attentive to me and charming to my coworkers. and i was wearing a "fun" outfit that i felt comfortable in.
(i mention my outfit because it is relevant to the elegance.)
i was wearing long velvet pants that were "cuffed" in marabou. (while i pulled it off for the occassion, in actuality, the marabou had been added to said pants via rudimentary sewing and hot glue the previous halloween when i dressed up as a cat. but that part didn't get mentioned to my coworkers*.)
and because the pants were a little long (because i'm only 5'4"), i had to wear heels with them or else they'd drag on the floor.
i will take a moment now to remind my imaginary internet friends that maybe i am not the best person to go walking around in heels ever. ever. but i continue to try, because i love them. even if they hurt and are stupid and i trip.
but also, heels become a whole different story when we add alcohol to the mix. on the plus side, for some reason i tend to be more steady in heels if i've been drinking. it's true, dunno why. *however* (and you knew there would be a however), despite becoming more agile in heels, drinking also tends to make me believe i don't really need to be wearing shoes at all.
which is why i have found myself shoeless at countless formal occassions (including weddings, especially my own), house parties, informal gatherings, and yes, even in dirty bars and clubs.
oh right! and at holiday parties. at chic restaurants. even when my pants are too long.
so back at the holiday party, then. i am in a fabulous mood, the night is going well, i've had wine, and now my shoes have come off. and so at some point i decide to go to the ladies' room.
the ladies' room is located down a long, candle-lit, cement-floored corridor (which is also the entry to the building).
and on my way back from the ladies', returning to my company's private event room, i decided -- because i was gleeful and all was right with the world because the holiday season was upon us and i was in a cool space in a cool city with cool people -- to skip.
you read that correctly.
i decided to do a (clearly wine-induced) little hop, skip, light-footed gallup thing down the corridor. because yay! for good moods.
which is the point in the evening where my "light-footedness" was demonstrably not. and, as the pants really were too long for me, i sort of "skipped" right onto of one of the cuffs, ripping strands of marabou off. meaning my foot came down and ensnarled itself in the freed marabou. so that when i went to take my next step (because this is all happening very fast and i was already in mid-skip-motion), my foot was stuck in my pant leg.
and i went down.
i literally made a SPLAT! sound that echoed down the cavernous corridor as my hands hit the cement. right in front of the podium where the hostess was standing. right in front of a cute couple entering the restaurant.
right in front of the entire dining room.
restaurant: 1 me: 0
i will point out that i did not, however, fall near where my company party was, so none of my friends or colleagues saw it happen. i was able to just get up, take a deep breath and return to the site of our event as though nothing had happened.
and when i rejoined the group and found TheBoy, he took one look at me and asked, "what happened to your pants?"
i looked down to see quite a marabou "tail" hanging from my right pant leg.
"i sort of took a spill in the hallway," i said. and then tried to tuck the marabou tail into itself so as to be less conspicuous.
i put my shoes back on.
anyway, the point is that tonight i am returning to the scene of the crime and will wear heels and will not skip and will show the dastardly uber-chic restaurant that i am too cool enough to, you know, be there and not fall.
*until now. hi, guys. yep, hot glue.