I Didn't Fall Over In The Bathroom At Work

but i came damn close.

so okay. the bathroom on my floor of my building at work has three stalls. and you can always tell if someone's in the first two stalls because the doors are either open or closed. however, the third stall is tricky. the door is always automatically closed, so unless you hear someone, you can't walk in and know if someone's using the third stall.

now, it's not a big deal to me whether someone is or isn't in the third stall at any given point, but when i'm in the ladies' room, i like to know if i have company. you know?

and sure, i suppose i could just walk in and go directly over to the third stall and push on the door and find out if somone's in it, but if someone IS in it, i don't want to make them feel uncomfortable.

so instead, i use the first stall. i go in, and um, sit. and then i bend down and look for feet.

yeah, i know. it's just something i do. whatever.

anyway.

the reason i'm sharing any of this with you is because yesterday i almost caused myself severe head trauma and i thought maybe you should know why, if i'm ever rushed to the hospital from work and i'm in a coma because i've caused myself an otherwise inexplicable concussion in the bathroom, all anyone will have to do is read my blog and then they'll know what actually happened.

and what happened was that yesterday, when i leaned down to look for shoes in the third stall, i sort of lost my balance.

right. in the bathroom, on a toilet, from a sitting position, i lost my balance. (uh, breezy elegance anyone?)

i was just going about my leaning over to look for feet as i always do, but for some reason THIS time, i was too quick in leaning over. and you know how i'm kinda (very) top-heavy? uh huh.

gravity is a harsh mistress, my friends.

and when you're not careful and not giving proper consideration to said mistress, she will come get you. gravity will attack you, out of nowhere, and try and pull you down hard and fast.

and so yes. i actually started toppling over, head first, toward the cold tiled floor of the women's bathroom. and as i was falling, almost as if in slow motion, i could hear myself laughing. at myself.

and i totally would've landed on my forehead if i hadn't managed to somehow -- quickly and rather violently -- grab the bottom of the stall wall.

and so while i badly strained my forearm in the process of catching myself, i did manage to prevent some serious humiliation*, a la someone walking in a few minutes later and finding me passed out on the floor of the bathroom, blood trickling from my forehead, all because i have strange bathroom habits and also haven't quite mastered the concept of gravity.

sigh.

in case you were wondering, no one was in the third stall.




*except for the part where i tell the entire story on the internet. not the point.