Good Will Humping

I couldn't very well call the title of this post, "Awww, Shit! Black Mammas #5" but I really, really wanted to.

Anyway.

Part Two of T's Birthday Weekend follows. And in case you missed it, Part One was awesome.

* * * * *

Friday

Friday afternoon meant the arrival of five more friends (El_G, MJ, Serre, Snarky, and someone we call Reaper). And 73 more people's worth of food and drinks.

We all brought TONS of groceries, garbage bags, tupperware, WATER, ice, etc., on the idea that there probably wouldn't be a store very near to the house. And also maybe the house is located in the Sahara.

Thus it is with great pleasure and head-shaking that I now present to you:

Picture of the General Store Approximately 53 Seconds from the House

Well, whatever. It didn't show up on any maps we saw online.

Perhaps while at the general store I got mouthy about Ish's selection of parking spaces.


To the best of my recollection, the rest of Friday was uneventful, in a vacation-y kind of way. There was a lot of kitchen activity, and people who weren't me did things like "hike." I mostly observed said kitchen activities and agreed that they were proceeding well.

So while we're just hanging out and chilling, I figure now is as good a time as any to talk to you about The House.

Overall, The House was rather accommodating, and its super large kitchen with counter space and open dining room/living room worked very well for our needs.

Here's an idea of the kitchen, where behind it is the dining room which leads to the living room:




The master suite was awesome, and totally fit for a birthday boy king.

However, there were a couple issues.

1. The Game Room
One of the reasons we selected the house in the first place was because it boasted of its game room -- which claimed to have pool, ping pong, air hockey, foosball, a poker table with cards and chips, a dart board and a bar. Who wouldn't select this house, right?

Um. Except the game room was actually a converted garage, where by "converted" I mean "added carpet and faux wood paneling." The floors were completely uneven, to the point of lumpy. I can assure you that playing pool is a lot less fun when the balls roll all over the table before you even break.

The ping pong table and equipment was, to the best of our knowledge, updated in 1983. The air hockey table -- which was the same as the ping pong table -- didn't have enough "oomph" to push the puck around. The foosball was smooshed into a corner, so you couldn't really access it unless you moved it (which then made playing ping pong or pool impossible). With great confusion, we eventually realized that the foosball table converted into the aforementioned poker table. No chips or cards were to be found, but that's okay because there were no chairs for the table, either.

There was only one working dart.

The bar was basically a block of wood, used for storing the various remains of game pieces that were no longer working (warped ping pong balls and dart ends, for example).

Also? Garages are freezing.

2. The Hot Tub
Another necessity for ths trip was that the house have an outdoor hot tub. And it did. Except rather than have it set on a plot overlooking...oh, I dunno...the ocean(?), it was set into the back of the house and accessible through the game room. The view was of the back fence and the garage door.

But still, outdoor hot tub, so we really shouldn't complain.

And we wouldn't have. Except I'll tell you -- new fangled hot tubs with electronic keypads that regulate "temperature" are very, very tricky to navigate. And EVEN SOBER, with the help of at least one (1) systems administrator and one (1) contractor WHO BUILDS THINGS LIKE THIS, the hot tub refused to get hot.

Bubbles? Check. Warm? Check. Hot? Please? How 'bout now? Fuckinghellishfuckingthing HOW 'BOUT NOW?

It took a trip to the house from the cleaning lady to reset the whole apparatus the next day.

She had to return on Saturday to get the grill working.

* * * * *

Friday Night

T had planned early on to engage us all in a game of charades. But not just any charades, no. Mortifying, embarrassing charades.

T had spent a few hours online before the trip, looking up the most ridiculous PORN TITLES in existence. And he wrote them down.

And my oh my. Those titles make for one verrrrrry interesting game of charades.

My memory, perhaps addled by libations and hysterics, cannot remember any of the titles right now, save for "Awww, Shit! Black Mammas #5" and "Good Will Humping." Nor did I manage to take any pictures of the event. But as far as awesome party games are concerned, I highly recommend this one.

Later that night, when the group was thoroughly sauced, our final guests arrived. Ben and Emily ("Bemily") joined us just in time to hear many slurred, sordid details of the charades game, punctuated by half-naked people running around the house going to and from the newly functioning hot tub.

Ben sits on the toy rocker after a long day at work, a long commute home, a longer drive out to the house, only to find himself surrounded by loud, already drinking and vacationing people:



Part Three, the finale, is on its way.