The 25 Dates Thing

wow.

i mean, really. wow.

so you know how i made a point of saying that i don't talk about my internet dates here? and then there was that anonymous commenter who was awfully mean in response?

yes, well. apparently, he's posted elsewhere, too.

seems he's written a long, incredibly harsh comment on a fairly public blog about how our date -- and mostly i -- was intolerable. in a nutshell, he indicated that i am a fat, boring, alcoholic who completely mispresented herself and whom he wanted to run from the moment after he saw me. (in fact, he said i made him want to kill himself).

this despite that he remained on said date for at least four hours (HALFWAY through which he gave me his business card with all his information, incidentally -- because if that doesn't scream "i'm not into you at all" i don't know what does) and that it was i who ended the date...though none-too-delicately, i'll admit.

one must presume he's bitter.

regardless, no one wants to read about how horribly unattractive and unappealing someone else finds them. especially not publicly. which is precisely why i've refrained from doing so myself*. (not that i'd ever, ever be so mean.)

but now my wounded ego and i feel the need to clarify a few things about my recent dating life.
  • first, 25 dates does not mean 25 guys. it means 25 dates.

  • second, i threw the number 25 out there with a bit of whimsy. and "the past month" was rounded out as well. sometimes, i write for effect.

  • third, the dates aren't working out for lots of reasons. i have had to say/write "sorry, i'm not interested" more times than i have been told it.
  • most importantly (particularly in reference to this one guy), i think the reason i continue to let the men know about my blog ahead of time is because i never, ever want to be accused of misrepresenting myself.
this guy said in his post that if he'd read my blog, there would have been no date. and clearly, this would have been a better situation for us both.

ouch.

i will just try and remind myself that "boring" is subjective and my weight loss is inevitable.

and that mean people suck.


*though how tempted am i to post his name and contact information?

Comments

  1. At last... he's finally outed himself, and whew! We can all sleep easier knowing he's not a troll, but a real live FUCKWIT.

    So, Mr. 1-of-the-25 (who I'm sure is still lurking despite his vehement insistence that K and her blog are boring): Although I know K in real life, I initially met her online. The photos I saw of her beforehand represented her actual weight.

    Now, maybe it's because I'm female and am able to look at the insides of people are well as their outsides... but I happen to think that Kristy is one of the loveliest, funniest, sparkliest and most talented women I have the pleasure of calling my friend.

    So while you're sadly relegated to posting your sad, mysogynistic rants to a bunch of anonymous message board readers, Kristy has actually done the more taxing, talent-requiring work of building up a very loyal, supportive and admiring group of readers.

    Jealous much?

    Good luck finding that special someone.

    ReplyDelete
  2. [begin profanity]

    ...YOU ORANGE-COCKED PRICK!!!!
    (cheetos-eating masturbator)

    [/end profanity]

    ReplyDelete
  3. kristy you sweet precious awesome writer kitty loving knitting doing soul - DO NOT LISTEN TO OR PAY ANY AMOUNT OF YOUR TIME THINKING OF HOW THIS GUY SUCKS.
    focus instead on the fact that many of us find you charming and witty and darling.
    men can be just plain assholes. and they aren't worth it if THIS is what they are like.
    we all hope he rots.
    truly, he is a fuckwit.
    keep being you and enjoy being you. we love you.
    (even if we haven't ever met you in person)

    ReplyDelete
  4. What a douchebag. Kristy, you are the most kick-ass chick. I adore you. You make me laugh. Boys are stupid and they smell a lot. Throw rocks at them! You'll feel better :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. you really should post his info. i, for one, would be happy to relay him a choice word or two. ditto on the cheetos. he sounds soooo unworthy.

    ReplyDelete
  6. It if wasn't for assholes, how would we measure humanity? Clearly the man is a lonely, bitter, egomaniacal mofo who deserves his lot in life. K, you have people all over the world entertained, touched and amused by your musings.

    Some bitter little man should just fly below your radar. Fuck 'im (or not, as the case may be) if he can't take a joke.

    ReplyDelete
  7. He's a bitter slag who's upset you're not interested, and a petty bitch to post angrily about it like a backstabbed fifteen year-old girl.

    I really love your blog, I feel like I know you.

    But I am sorry, and no matter what we say, I know his words still hurt. Just remember, WE LOVE YOU! (hugs!)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Post it. I want to go "visit" his site. Please?

    ReplyDelete
  9. Don't post his personal info. That's just childish and not you. I get that.

    Just tell us all about the date. Embellish. Make stuff up. Say that some of it is true and some of it isn't. But don't say which.

    Actually, your humor runs in more of a self-depreciating vein to be too vindictive towards other people. And it works.

    D.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Whatever anyone says, just remember this.

    You have brought me joy and given me courage EVERY SINGLE DAY since I started reading your blog. Some days you've reminded me that we are more than our reltaionships or ex-relationships, and sometimes we are better for it. Some days, you've just brought a big smile to a girl who you've never met, and possibly never will, who was in a funk and couldn't find her way out.

    For all the people who've take you the wrong way, misunderstood what you are, and couldn't appreciate your talent, humor and heart, there are 1,000 IIFs who do. Every day.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Don't EVER defend who you are to ANYONE!! What you do and who you are is your business, whether you choose to share it here or not.

    I enjoy reading you...you make me laugh...

    Clearly you have fans...let him have his misery, you must have stepped on his ego on your way out the door.

    C'est la vie!

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  12. "i will just try and remind myself that "boring" is subjective and my weight loss is inevitable."


    Well said, and to add, as they say: the weight can be fixed, ugly and stooopid cannot!

    ReplyDelete
  13. for what it's worth... love you, sweetie.

    -el snarkster

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  14. Child, "boring"? Who the hell does this man think he's kidding? That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard--clearly he's right, because you are NOT a fascinating writer with a devoted reading audience of thousands--nope, no sirree.

    Just remember: you're FAMOUS! You're a well-known and well-loved blogger! Thousands of people tune in every day to read about YOUR LIFE! That's right, your life! Not his life, or my life, but YOUR life. Honeychild, whatever else you may be, you are not boring. And if he really thinks you are, then he's stupid. And that statement is NOT subjective!

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  15. The guy is a total arse marmot. Heck, I just started reading your blog and I think you're one hilarious, kick butt chick. I'd date you! Er, well, if I were a guy and dating, that is, instead of a thirty something vaguely straight married mum. Seeing as how I'm not and I can't, I'll just keep on reading your very funny, very witty blog. Don't let the fuckmuppets get you down. This jerk was unworthy.

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  16. You can go teetotal or starve yourself into looking like a supermodel, but poor guy, he can't get personality implants!

    Have faith, for I have done the Internet dating thing many times, and it has alternated wildly between dead-awful to dead-funny to really pretty nice. At the moment I am in the midst of the 'pretty nice' part, so there's hope yet.

    (And my blog doesn't bug him. Score extra points on the faith front.)

    ReplyDelete
  17. i admire your ethics in not revealing his identity. but might we not all benefit from knowing his name? wouldn't that save the rest of us from the same fate? yikes.

    1) you are beautiful
    2) as you said, one day you'll lose weight, if you want to. but i suspect he'll always be who he is.
    3) fuck him. or, more to the point, don't.
    4) your blog is the best.

    sorry your feelings are hurt, but your fans adore you.

    ReplyDelete
  18. The guy obviously has no taste. And besides, I bet your blog is read by many more people than his (if he even has one).

    ReplyDelete
  19. Kristy, Carl Jung says it's a good thing to be misunderstood by some.. or he says it's a good thing to not be completely understood by anybody... whichever, please see that this fellow has given you a gift. He's revealed a good part of himself to you, which allowed you to see who he was and who you were. I don't want to say words to just humor you, but your beauty (essence), inside and out, is and always has been grander than ordinary. It is not for the common man (or woman) (many of us are not common either, thankfully). So be thankful for this guy. Genuinely thankful. And as far as weight loss goes... Kristy, it is NOT inevitable that one loses it. Oh Contraire (or however you spell it.) BUT. that isn't the point either. Only when one loves herself just as she is this very moment in time, only then can any change start to take place, and if weight loss, is a desired change, then that'll happen. and if it doesn't, that's ok too. Remember: She Just Walks Around With It (because she's confident and loves herself just as she is.) keep knitting!

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  20. He's a complete turd. Don't give it another thought.

    I wanted to comment on your post about getting a new site design. I'd be happy to do it for you. I'm a graphic designer - I love do web temps.

    I think your blog rocks - I'd love the bragging rights to designing something for you. Just let me know and I'll give you my portfolio link.

    -babyjewels

    ReplyDelete
  21. I will echo the comments of the people here. You're talented and certainly not boring.

    It's one thing to not enjoy a date, everyone has those kinds of dates.... but it is another thing entirely to make a show of publically humiliating the person. The manchild you had the misfortune of dating doesn't have the enough class to be allowed lick your shoe. Bitterness and vindictiveness on that level are just sad and we've already given this assclown enough of our time and headspace.

    A single voice raised up to attack you, compare that to the chorus that rose up in your defence. The fact that the one voice might echo our own insecurities, doesn't make it more right. I don't know why it sometimes seem like it does.... but it shouldn't. We intentionally surround ourselves with people whose opinions we trust. And if we trust our friends, even our IIFs, which so much, we should also trust them when they tell us the good things. There's a lot of love here and it's all pointed straight at you. Wrap yourself up in it and know that your trust is well-placed.

    ReplyDelete
  22. The guy's got it all wrong. When you were born you were a fat, boring alcoholic. But because of loving, nurturing parents, you've grown out of it and now you're the best first daughter a father could have

    ReplyDelete
  23. And the best first cousin a cousin could have too, Kristy. Love, Lisa

    ReplyDelete
  24. See? This is what happens when you talk to people -- irrefutable proof that they're assholes.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Ok, I'm sorry about the whole business card fiasco. I just thought my position as Night Manager at Taco Bell was relevant to the conversation about you wanting to pour mild sauce all over my...

    Wait... I think I'm at the wrong blog...

    Nevermind! Sorry!

    ReplyDelete
  26. i think sharing your blog is a good way to weed out the whackos or the ones who aren't up for who you truly you are- and ultimately that is what you want right, someone to accept and love you for who you ARE. that guys sounds like a bitter fucktardwankerprick- the kind that have to cut to the quick so they can "save face."

    just know you are better than him AND you deserve better!

    ReplyDelete
  27. And they say hell hath no wrath like a woman’s scorn…obviously we of the fairer sex are not the ones spewing all the venom. A man with an injured ego can be just as vindictive, if not more so. What an assclown. And so transparent. That’s the good thing about guys, most of them are not too complicated and you can figure out whether they’re worth the second date or not pretty quickly. Thus, power dating. Makes perfect sense to me. Love you and your blog as always, keep it up and don’t waste a single second sweating the small stuff like this guy.

    ReplyDelete
  28. I just learned a new word from a different blog today...fuckmuppet.

    I questioned her on how it could be used in everyday life but now I know.

    'That guy is a major fuckmuppet!'

    ReplyDelete
  29. Can we have the link to what he wrote? I'm dying of curiousity. I know, it's mean, but we'll all know that when people say stuff like that, they are really (and always) revealing themselves and their own insecurities.

    And, also, if I'm reading you right, any guy who judges you for dating a lot, or thinks that that means anything bad, is really lame. It's great that you're getting out there and meeting men and going out and having fun. Good for you!!!

    ReplyDelete
  30. yuck. what an ugly person that guy is.

    i can see how his writing mean things about "you" (as in -- his imaginary construction of you) would sting, but honestly it says nothing about you and everything about him. i know that's a trite saying, but it really is true -- he's revealed a lot about himself and what an ass he is. here's what he has revealed about you: you spent a few hours with him once.

    (and, for the record, i don't believe for one second that if he'd read your blog there would have been no date. those are just the words of a man so bitter i almost feel embarrassed for him.)

    but, yeah, mean people definitely suck.

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  31. hey if nothing else comes of the situation, the comments above have GOT to make you know for sure that the guy is in fact an insecure idiot, while you are an amazingly cool blogging rockstar. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  32. OMG, I'm with you. I just ended the ability for people to leave anonymous (? spelling) comments on my blog. I just can't deal with people saying rude things when blogs are used for fun. Kinda like a diary - hello people. Get with the program.

    Sorry about the shady guy...

    ReplyDelete
  33. i think you probably aren't the vindictive type, and probably wouldn't post his info. I, on the other hand, am a real bitch. Give it to me, and I will post it.

    PS- your dad really rules!

    ReplyDelete
  34. Notice that 100% of posters agree that you are a total rockstar and he is an asshat. Mean people do suck, and karma is a bitch. I'm sure he'll find that out.

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  35. A) That guy sucks. And one should never listen to the opinions of people who suck.

    B) You, on the other hand, are so far from sucking that you and sucking are not even in the same universe. You are an intelligent, beautiful, funny woman.

    C) That guy sucks.

    ReplyDelete
  36. BASTARD!!! I hate him.

    but I love you!!!

    ReplyDelete
  37. And, your Dad rocks, too.

    ReplyDelete
  38. you should post his entry with edits/embellishments. like whenever he writes "i" you should insert "am a swampy goat ball licker." or something similar.

    rest assured you are infinately cooler than that guy.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Kristy,
    I adore your blog, and you. Don't you dare let some piece of garbage get you down. Look up bitter in the dictionary, and you'll see your lovely 4 hour date companion.

    Keep your lovely head up, and keep up your charm, and wit, and warmth. Count me as one of your many IIFs!

    ReplyDelete
  40. Kristy -

    Some guys just can't stand a woman with brains... his loss I say.

    Obviously you weren't all that 'taken' with him... maybe he just can't handle not being the 'dream guy' of every woman he meets?? Of course that would explain the cheetos-addiction and the condition riseyp alluded to!!

    Just keep moving forward, good things will come your way.

    One last thing, lose weight for *you*, if it's what you want... not because some self-inflated egomaniac seems to 'think' you're overweight (or drink too much for that matter).

    ReplyDelete
  41. I've never read your blog before, and cannot for the life of me remember how I got here, but I think your dad is a sweetheart, I think you are a super cool person, and I'm so excited to have learned a new word that I can apply EVERY DAY! in my office.

    F*ckmuppet.

    :)

    ReplyDelete
  42. WOW. I KNOW you Libby. This is pinkjaime and i DID go to school with you in middleschool.

    ReplyDelete
  43. You know, I don't think 25 dates is really that much for a woman these days. 25 men perhaps, but not dates.

    It seems to take much longer to get to know a person or to find the right person these days.

    I was lucky, I knew my wife for about a year before we went on a date. She was engaged at the time and the date wasn't supposed to be serious. Halfway through the date I knew she was the one. She said she went home after our date and told her mother she was in love.

    We've been married 11 years and going strong.

    Keep looking, and don't apologize for it!

    ReplyDelete
  44. 25 dates at least.... 225 really. get to know as many different people as you can so you really get to know yourself. then if you don't find a mate, you find yourself. ... and that ups the chances of meeting someone you like who likes you too.

    ReplyDelete
  45. What a turd this person is. If He had read your blog, he would NOT have gone out with you! It is really amazing that some people can live with such shriveled hearts. Mr. Turd is poorer for his lack of you...
    "Thus have I had thee as a dream doth flatter,
    In sleep a king, but waking no such matter. '
    -yellow rose in my lapel

    ReplyDelete
  46. To the poster who said "You know, I don't think 25 dates is really that much for a woman these days. 25 men perhaps, but not dates".

    Gee thanks for your approval on what is and what isn't an appopriate amount of dates for a "woman these days". Those who have been out with 25 men I guess "perhaps" should have to wear a scarlet letter or maybe be medicated or something.

    ReplyDelete
  47. 'myra' you missed my point. I was supporting the fact that even 25 dates these days say, in a year or 6 months or whatever, isn't a whole lot for anyone. For the guy she went out with to say what he did about the 25 dates is absurd.

    When I said 25 men I was reiterating what K said in her blog. 25 dates does not mean 25 men. Even dating 25 men isn't so strange these days as you really need to 'shop around' to find someone compatible. Men do it all the time, why can't women? I don't think it reflects on the woman at all. It's her perrogative to date as many men as she needs/wants until she finds what she's looking for.

    I say more power to women for being picky. It's their right.

    ReplyDelete
  48. It must be true- you seem pretty bitter- you sure come off as a bitter, overweight alcoholic

    ReplyDelete
  49. Anonymous sez...
    "It must be true- you seem pretty bitter- you sure come off as a bitter, overweight alcoholic"

    Don't we all?

    ReplyDelete
  50. I have this theory... Any time you increase the number of people you interact with the percentages stay about the same. A certain percentage are going to be normal. Usually that's the majority. There'll be a smaller, more elite group of people who are cooler than cool. Then there are the attention whore/web weenies who write about their dates not to express an original thought but to put someone down so they can feel tall. Whiny, unimaginative and wholly uninteresting if you ask me.

    I had a similar thing happen to me when I started internet dating thing. Let's just say that there was a horrifying nick name involved and my values were questioned for blog fodder. One of the things I admire about your writing is how you use your wit to amuse, not abuse. Mean people suck but the wheat does separate from the chafe. Your writing inspires me to express my own truth and I'm sure I'm not the only one who has had this experience. Thanks for putting yourself out there. Next time you're in Boston, look me up. The first round is on me.

    ReplyDelete
  51. Some peoples children. I swear.
    My unsolicited advice would be to link to what this moron had to write. If that also happens to reveal his identity well, whoopsies. Let the inundation of hate-mail begin!
    When it comes to small spiteful little shits such as these, I am a firm believer that His Life Is His Punishment. I mean really. Trashing someone publicly who has not technically earned it? Sugar, he’s earned a trashing fair and square. I understand and admire that vengeance is beneath you.
    It is certainly not beneath me.
    I’m just saying.

    ReplyDelete
  52. It is pleasing to know that Kristy doesn't give in to knee jerk vengeance. What comes around goes around and there are learning opportunities everywhere here. What's the term? AFOG? AnotherFuckingOpportunityforGrowth.... Keep the bar high. It is worth it.

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  53. If you weren't so afraid it was true you wouldn't have even bothered mentioning it. So? What about those statements of his strike you as honest?

    ReplyDelete
  54. Nick -- well said.

    Anonymous #1 -- what you don't seem to realize is that there were reliable third party witnesses to said date. Kristy is really being nice to this guy.

    Anonymous #2 -- the guy got rejected, felt bad and lashed out in a particularly juvenile way. If Kristy hadn't dropped his ass, I'm sure he'd be describing her in much more glowing terms.

    Guy in question -- if you can't be a man, you can at least try to act like one. You're lowering women's expectations of our entire gender. It's embarrassing everyone with XY chromosomes.

    ReplyDelete
  55. You're doing exactly the right thing by not stooping to this guy's level. If I didn't live in Memphis, TN, after reading your blog, I would certainly like to be one of your dates. The only criticism I would offer up is your apparently stubborn refusal to capitalize the beginnings of your sentences. It's very odd to me, seeing as how the rest of your punctuation appears to be well-implemented.

    But I'm anal about those things. And I'm not using the word "anal" just because you live in San Francisco.

    And I should probably just shut the hell up.

    ReplyDelete
  56. this is the last i'll say on the subject (i think) -

    i am overweight. i drink. i have a darkly cynical side that is self-deprecating (though it is not actually bitter; most people can tell the difference).

    none of these are things i am especially proud of, but they are things that i acknowledge and write about EVERY DAY. i'm not "afraid" of them being true.

    and that's why this guy sucks. he wanted to be mean and spiteful and he was. i mean, how much energy does it take to call a girl who writes about being overweight overweight? it's not that i don't know it (duh), it's that i am working to be who i am
    in addition to,
    in spite of,
    aside from
    how much i weigh. (and uh, drink. and talk.)

    but seriously, this guy stripped away all the who-i-am stuff to make fun of my appearance. he basically said that the superficial things negate the non-superficial.

    so if i'm afraid of anything, it's that. it's the idea that none of the other stuff i have or do or am matters unless i'm thin.

    'k, i'm done.





    (except mister hand? i don't capitalize anything as a matter of editorial rebelliousness, because i'm otherwise completely anal about punctuation. and by the way? "well-implemented" doesn't need a hyphen.)

    ReplyDelete
  57. "Trashing someone publicly who has not technically earned it?"

    --yeah. cause people never do that (say, to famous people?)

    and secondly, whereas i agree this guy is for real kind of lame, all you people wanting to react with him, let him be. you're reacting to his criticism the way he reacted to kristy rejecting him. stooping to the level of someone you despise will not make you like yourself more or feel more like an adult.

    ReplyDelete
  58. Kristy,

    I think we've all learned a lot from this. Specifically, we've learned some most *excellent* epithets that only BEGIN to describe that smarmy little smegma-breath who tried to blog-flame you. (I snorted out loud at "Swampy goat ball licker" ... I love the fact that this IIF was not satisfied with, say, simply the average day-to-day goat ball licker. "Swampy" ... perfect!)

    My addition to the pile of spitballs hurled at that loser is to say I'm so glad you saw through him quickly and severed the relationship without further ado. How healthy is that? High-fives to you!

    And I know you have the spunk to be "you" without being defended -- but I just want to add that I get a huge kick out of your humor and the kind human nature that shows in your blog posting. (I do *not* get how you could be called bitter.) And I love your non-capitalization, by the way -- very e.e. cummings, in a hip, sparkly kind of way. It's stylistic. This is not an English class. And (heh-heh) you nailed the over-hyphenation comeback too.

    Your father is also one way-cool blogdaddy.

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  59. oh, kristy, your comment here made me sad. i am sorry that you had to come face to face with exactly the characteristics in a person that you fear.

    i do hope that you can absorb some of what the rest of us are saying -- no, your weight is not an issue (to *us*, even if it is to you); we see so much in addition to-in spite of-aside from-REGARDLESS of your weight.

    people like him, to whom weight matters more than anything, are not worth caring about. i am skinny and would NEVER date someone who found my skinny-ness important. i have never dated anyone who made disparaging comments about others' weight, just as i would not date someone who made comments that were racist, sexist, homophobic, anti-semitic, etc. those are all the same kind of people -- those who reduce humanity to something so narrow that it is unrecognizable to the rest of us.

    and most people do not think the way he does. we only hear about the viewpoints of that small minority because they are so damn vocal!

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  60. I think that you should post an account of the date, in detail, so that we can all laugh about it. And then you should try to forget everything this guy said to you, because none of it is true and he's just trying to fuck with your head. Don't let him do it.

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  61. Kristy,

    If there's one thing I've learned in my oh-so-short blogging life it's that there will always be people who choose to take every opportunity to insult and ridicule the blogger. Kudos to you for taking the right path. I made the mistake of trying to defend and explain myself far too much in the beginning and it still haunts me.

    Luckily, it looks to me like you have an excellent group of IIFs (hopefully me included) that support who you are, not who someone else thinks you should be.

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  62. To see beauty is simply to learn the private language of meaning which is another's life -- to recognize and relish what it is.

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  63. when kristy met mister hand?? nothing on earth better/more romantic than a little grammar banter? fun fun fun!!!!!!

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  64. Oh oh, here's a compromise,

    you could simply put the text from his blog up here and we could rip that a new one...

    ReplyDelete
  65. Personally, I would say you should put it behind you and never mention or think about that waste of oxygen ever again.

    ReplyDelete
  66. I've been lurking here for a few weeks now *stalk* and have thoroughly enjoyed your blog. You're clever, witty and very entertaining. 75+ comments can't be wrong!

    Don't worry about that dickrash, karma has a way of sorting people like that out. :)

    ReplyDelete
  67. Kristy -

    oh babygirl. No one could ever, no matter how much they tried, ever never "negate" you. You are much too intelligent, honest, sweet, funny and beautiful inside and out for one bitter, lonely, pathetic little napoleon man to even put a dent in your sparkle.

    now me? I'm totally not in your league. I'm torn between awe for your graciousness in this matter, the way you've taken the high road and wanting to read what the little slugfucker wrote so we can all gang up on him.

    *sighs* guess I still have work to do on the old growing up thing.

    love you lots,
    Gracie

    ReplyDelete
  68. I was one of the "25 dates" and I think she represented herself in a truthful manner. Even though it was a one off (for any number of reasons), I enjoyed our date.
    She was fun and has many good qualities.
    Anyone who gets angry about this type of stuff is silly.
    There can be no advantage of saying mean things about people.

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  69. Mr. 1-of-the-25-who-is-cool

    You rock! And thanks.

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  70. isn't it awful that one negative review can negate all the great things people might say about us?

    ignore the bully. embrace who you are!

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  71. Don't mind him Kristy lots of your readers really love you and really likes to read all your blog post. You are smart and pretty so don't waste your time thinking that man. He don't deserve that anyway.

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