Update In Real Time
i cannot shut off the narrative in my head; it's screaming at me. i can't pace myself. i opened the -- well, i don't want to say "the floodgates" because this hasn't been emotionally exhausting at all, and i don't want to give the impression that it has been.
no, writing this, FINALLY writing this, has been exhilarating. and it's peaceful, too. there is something incredibly assuring in learning that i can piece this history together and tell it in a way that makes some sense and not, you know, totally lose my shit. or sound wounded. or like i need healing. being able to write this makes me feel...well, i don't know exactly, but it's something like joy.
heh. blogging. i highly recommend it.
anyway, floodgates or whatever, i am having a tough time concentrating on anything but finishing these entries. (to my friends and family who haven't had a return email from me in a few days: my apologies. i'll be right with you. can't talk, blogging.)
and so i will. finish, i mean, and soon. Ish is away this weekend and i have set aside most of my time to getting the rest of the story out.
i will restate, it's so strange to me that this is of interest to anyone, you know? but thank you again for all the positive feedback. and for reading.
and for the hugs.
no, writing this, FINALLY writing this, has been exhilarating. and it's peaceful, too. there is something incredibly assuring in learning that i can piece this history together and tell it in a way that makes some sense and not, you know, totally lose my shit. or sound wounded. or like i need healing. being able to write this makes me feel...well, i don't know exactly, but it's something like joy.
heh. blogging. i highly recommend it.
anyway, floodgates or whatever, i am having a tough time concentrating on anything but finishing these entries. (to my friends and family who haven't had a return email from me in a few days: my apologies. i'll be right with you. can't talk, blogging.)
and so i will. finish, i mean, and soon. Ish is away this weekend and i have set aside most of my time to getting the rest of the story out.
i will restate, it's so strange to me that this is of interest to anyone, you know? but thank you again for all the positive feedback. and for reading.
and for the hugs.
i gotta say... i think this is the best series of posts you've ever written.
ReplyDeletei look forward to the rest of the story.
having someone who knows how to write put down feelings that I know I have had, definitely makes the world make a bit more sense. thank you. and congratulations for being able to sort through this. Much love from your IIF.
ReplyDeleteIt's a fantastic series; don't doubt that for a second.
ReplyDeleteAhh...blogging. You do what you need to do and I'm glad that it brings you some sense of joy.
ReplyDeleteIt is interesting to me because I went through this too. You'd be surprised how NOT alone you were in your experience. The details are yours alone, but the feelings, the desires, the confusion, the disheveledness of it all... it's the real reason your story has drawn me in.
ReplyDeleteThanks for making me realize I was not a crazy woman or the only one to ever feel this way.
I'm reading and remembering and loving you. xoxo
ReplyDeleteI'm sure it feels really good putting this out there and getting it off your shoulders. It's nice that you are writing in a way that sounds like you (whether it is or isn't) instead of your usual writing which just reads like a medley of stolen personas from people like Purl or bad entries from someone who has watched way to much Sex In The City.
ReplyDeleteJust wanted to say thanks, again, for opening a window into this part of your world for the rest of us. If people can't find a way to learn and grow from others' experience (especially when well written, as here), then I'm a little scared for us all.
ReplyDeleteAnd, {{hugs}}
K,
ReplyDeleteAlthough I was divorced from my first husband 25 years ago, I was never able to put into words how I felt about the whole situation. But you have. Thank you for that, because it has helped me realize that I am not alone in how I felt back then.
{{hugs}} from a Central Illinois reader.
oh yeah, karen? well at least i know the difference between "to" and "too."
ReplyDeleteso there. neener neener.
Yes, K, I suppose you have never made a typo. Touche.
ReplyDeleteabsolutely nto.
ReplyDelete{{huggs}} and a little pie...
ReplyDeleteI"ve loved you forever!
whoa-ho there karen. way to give a back handed compliment.
ReplyDeletek - you crack me up. if ever you come to the philadelphia region, drinks are totally on me.
Actually, I think it sounds exactly like K, though a more serious tone than usual.
ReplyDeletePurl is great and has a distinctive voice--that is not k. I would never get the two of them confused.
How odd that Karen felt the need to make that comment.
Yes, Purl is great and has a distintive voice. And I feel like K often tries to imitate that voice (or similar voices), or that she will write as if she has been watching nothing but Sex In The City for weeks. I made that comment because, finally, I feel like K might be crafting a voice of her own.
ReplyDeleteI don't come here for the writing. I come here because it's like constantly driving by a car accident. It's bad, but you just can't help but look.
Karen--I know K doesn't need me to defend her, but I wonder why you feel the need to make such unhelpful and negative comments.
ReplyDeleteKaren -
ReplyDeleteYou're kinda the poster child for everything that's wrong with humanity, boiled down to its base level.
I can only imagine how proud you must be of yourself. That glass house you live in must be nice.
i am so so so glad that you are writing about this. i've always wondered about your divorce, but it is such a private thing. anyway, your writing is terrific!
ReplyDeleteKaren, you said "constantly driving by a car accident...". Who does that? That speaks volumes about the fact that you probably don't have a lot going on in your life. So you will "constantly" keep coming back to something you don't even enjoy, but it's easy to put down and thus feel better about yourself. Next time, don't come back to rubber-neck...take another route. You might find some beauty in your own life if you stop looking for the accidents to "constantly drive by".
ReplyDelete