i cannot shut off the narrative in my head; it's screaming at me. i can't pace myself. i opened the -- well, i don't want to say "the floodgates" because this hasn't been emotionally exhausting at all, and i don't want to give the impression that it has been.
no, writing this, FINALLY writing this, has been exhilarating. and it's peaceful, too. there is something incredibly assuring in learning that i can piece this history together and tell it in a way that makes some sense and not, you know, totally lose my shit. or sound wounded. or like i need healing. being able to write this makes me feel...well, i don't know exactly, but it's something like joy.
heh. blogging. i highly recommend it.
anyway, floodgates or whatever, i am having a tough time concentrating on anything but finishing these entries. (to my friends and family who haven't had a return email from me in a few days: my apologies. i'll be right with you. can't talk, blogging.)
and so i will. finish, i mean, and soon. Ish is away this weekend and i have set aside most of my time to getting the rest of the story out.
i will restate, it's so strange to me that this is of interest to anyone, you know? but thank you again for all the positive feedback. and for reading.
and for the hugs.