Tuesday, April 11, 2006

A Long Ride On The Knitting Short Bus

“Are you one of the knitters?” a colleague asked me just yesterday.

And I immediately replied “yes” because I know how to knit, you know?

But then I started to feel incredibly guilty. Because ah, not so much with the knitting lately. So I started wondering if I can legitimately say “I am a knitter” simply because I -- ostensibly -- know how to knit.

(I mean because come on. If someone asked, “Are you a swimmer?” I wouldn’t say yes, even though I do totally know how to swim. As evidenced by my having been in a pool a few times in the last year and not drowning.)

So I was preparing to renounce my knitterhood, even though I totally have enough yarn at home to fill an entire one of these bins:

(I know this because that’s where my yarn is being stored) (And by the way? My closet is now totally organized. NJ06 in da’ house! Er, closet! Whatever.)

But I thought about it a little more and decided that I probably am still a knitter, I am just a somewhat "challenged" one.

Signs I Am Still A Knitter: I have two (2) projects on the needles, in a cute little bag that I bring with me to work on a regular basis.

Signs I Am Knitting-Challenged: I have never taken them out of the bag.



Signs I Am Still A Knitter: I have friends who take knitting classes and then show up at work in the sweaters they’ve knitted themselves.

Signs I Am Knitting-Challenged: Riding in the same car as the sweater-knitters (such as Risey) does not actually *poof* make ME a sweater-knitter, no matter how much I wish to believe in osmosis.



Signs I Am Still A Knitter: I have a knitting-pattern-a-day calendar.

Signs I Am Knitting-Challenged: I received the calendar today (April) and it was given to me second-hand and while I’ve only seen ONE pattern I already know I will never, ever attempt it.



Signs I Am Still A Knitter: I recently purchased a steam cleaner, you know, for blocking!

Signs I Am Knitting-Challenged: I lie.

I bought a wet-dry vac that also happens to have steaming capabilities. See, I walked by the sale sign as I passed The Sharper Image this weekend, and had visions of finally having a tool that could skillfully address my cat-pee-on-the-bathroom-floor issues once and for all. (My cat, Monster, misses the box a bit, so after a few days, I have wet cat litter on the tile floor all around the boxes. Oh-so-pleasant.) So I read the features and benefits of this little gem and decided I could – whooooosh – steam the damp litter off the tile and then – varooooooom – suck it all up and have a sparkly clean bathroom floor with only minimal effort (instead of the ninety million steps cleaning currently takes me).

AND I could use the steam to block, which I explained to the salesguy because, as we all know, I show Signs That I Am Still A Knitter.

And okay, I realize we are on a bit of a tangent, but let me just say that wet cat litter is absolutely NO MATCH for the wet-dry vac and the moment you try and use it you will fill up your new vac with mushy clay that smells like cat pee and it will get in all the vents and not work properly and you will not be able to get the steam to work right at all, ever. And you will curse your stupid purchase.

Which you can’t ever use to block. Shutup.



Signs I Am Still A Knitter: Unable to leave the thought of a steam-cleaned bathroom alone, I went out and purchased a DIFFERENT steamer, because if nothing else, I know it works for Crazy Aunt Purl who BLOCKS with it and really, I am more concerned about blocking than cat pee anyway. I swear.

Signs I Am Knitting-Challenged: I lie again. Must get cat pee off floor with steam.

In a must-have-steam-cleaner-right-this-moment-fit, I went to Walgreens and bought myself a SCUNCI steamer!*

(I do not know why the company makes steamers. As far as I know the company only otherwise makes hairbands. How such a marketing decision gets made is well beyond my ability to hypothesize.)

And I returned home with it and filled it up and set it to work on the floor and it ROCKS.

I will also totally use it to block. Someday when I have completed an actual knitting project.

Let’s all hold our breath.


*Which I just looked up online so that I might get a photo to share. Whereupon I discovered you can get it HERE for $19.95 plus FREE SHIPPING. Let us not discuss the $40 extra I paid, m’kay?

10 comments:

  1. The $19.95 is for a "Scunci Steamer Floor Attachment Kit" not the steamer itself, which is $54.95. So, you know, at least there's that!

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  2. Oh man. So jealous of the steamer. I got one somewhere (maybe QVC, but that's embarrassing) once because it was shaped like a penguin and I was shown AMAZING things it could do, and I thought it would be a match for the 80-year-old bathroom grout.

    The grout laughed and laughed at the steamer and then laughed some more. Only hydrochloric acid stopped the grout mirth.

    I am also thinking of starting a Fake Knitter's Club. Official motto: We know how! But we are easily distracted!

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  3. If the Snarkster and I go around wearing our hats telling everyone who asks, "my friend Kristy knitted me this awesome hat", does that tip the scales more in favor of "signs you are still a knitter"?

    I can make that sacrifice for you.

    And it really has nothing to do with the fact that wearing said hat makes hot chicks talk to me.

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  4. About a year ago, a large box was delivered to my office. I opened it to find a Shark Steam Cleaner. I thought there must have been some mistake. One of my co-workers noted the time of purchase happened to coincide with just past last-call on a Saturday night. Anyway...I've still yet to use it but the pub next door has steam cleaned restrooms now.

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  5. Umm, completely off topic, but you should totally try the new (kinda) pine cat litter! No clay stuck to bathroom floor, and it stays fresh smelling for longer than clay and doesn't have that strange litter smell. It literally changed my life, since I too used to scrub wet cat pee clay off my bathroom floor. No longer! :) And you can flush it if you feel like it, and makes for super quick litter box cleaning.

    http://www.felinepine.com/cons_rebates.html

    It also comes in a slightly cheaper Safeway brand.

    But steam cleaners are prety much the best thing ever and you can do tons of stuff with them! How exciting! :)

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  6. Awww shoot... just ONE little bin of yarn? Any "real" knitter would have at least 5 or 6 ::Laughing::

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  7. I show signs of being a knitter, really I do. I just don't have the attention span for it. Oh, and perhaps the obsessive perfection thing might come in to play when I frog and reknit the same inch of sock 8 times because I don't know how to just take it back a little bit (well, I do, but again with the patience and the little bitty loops).

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  8. I was a knitter for years in England but oh the change. Going to a wool shop here involves lots of maths and a bag of wool costs about the same as a pet pony. I'm thinking of taking up corking again. Is there a cult, I mean club, for that d'you think?

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  9. Also a giant fan of the feline pine.

    GIANT FAN.

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  10. The Booda Dome covered litter box is wonderful- I have the HarleyBeast's litter box in my bathroom, and while he occasionally tracks a stray piece of litter out, the little foot-cleaning ramp works wonders.
    I tried the feline pine litter after he had foot surgery(granular litter was verboten), and while I didn't *hate* it, it smelled a little too weird for me- sort of Industrial Pine. Yes, the capitalization matters.

    Also, I am madly jealous that you are good enough at knitting to be knitting-challenged. I am just a wannabe knitter- I have the pretty needles and attractive yarn in a handful of fun colors, but the most I have ever knitted is a bookmark.

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