Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Scorpion Pie: Another Interlude

You know what I’d like to be able to do? I’d like to be able to tell you now what it was like living with David through that winter. Because I know we fought all the time. All the time.

I want to be able to write with such agility that you feel the tension. That you sense the pressure. That you find the strain palpable.

But I can’t remember.

That’s right. We argued so much and so often – usually at my instigation – that the fighting has become part of the Routine I can’t distinguish in my memory. Not a single argument stands out.

I bet you can fill in the blanks, though.

Consider the recipe:

Take two people living in the same house, day after day, through a cold and ugly winter. To him, add being freaked out about not having a job; give him solace only in the staid safety of the home he’s established with his wife and in the promise of starting a family. Her ingredients include general freaking out about her mother’s ailing health; hormonal upswings; and trying desperately to figure out what she wants the rest of her life to look like because she’s bored out of her skull. Combine with no excess money for spending on going places or doing things unless or until he finds a job.

Shake well.


I can’t remember how it was that I spent night after night in tearful agony. I know now it was a grander unhappiness than I was aware of then. Then, it was just day after day of little things being wrong.

But God, the tension was mounting and something had to give.

Perfectly enough, it was the ceiling.

16 comments:

  1. K, I just gotta say I am rapt by your writing lately. Looking forward to more posts.

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  2. I've always wondered, does your ex-husband read this blog? I hope he does, I think hearing this stuff might be somewhat healing.

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  3. I would love to answer your question, but...

    I'll just wait until I'm through the next few parts first. I think it's a good question.

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  4. Yes! I have all kinds of questions about him to!

    Do you keep in contact with him?

    Did he find a partner who wanted the same things?

    This series of posts is so go great, k. I am waiting with baited breath for further installments.

    And, BTW, the strain IS palpable. It makes my stomache hurt for you.

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  5. ahh... typos and spelling errors. don't judge.

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  6. When do find time to write these thoughtful posts? Did you get all efficient all of a sudden ;)

    Seriously the tone of your blog entries has changed. Do you feel liberated writing all of this?

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  7. DA,

    i'm writing constantly now. i mean, breaks at work, moments at home, etc. i can't get this all out fast enough. i have drafts of entries everywhere.

    it's definitely liberating.

    it's also interesting how civil the commenting has been. i know from my stat counter that i have visitors, but i dunno. this is probably the quietest my visitors have ever been. i try and take that as a good sign.

    it's scary to be writing all this and publishing it, but i feel like i can't stop.

    anyway, thank you for reading.

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  8. How old were you when you got married? What about the wedding? Did he open doors (literally) for you? Did you want that?

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  9. I was 20 when we got engaged (a month away from turning 21). I was 24 when we married.

    He was chivalrous. He literally opened doors for me.

    Figuratively, he did not.

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  10. I am in the procees of a divorce right now so I am just reading and glad to know I'm not crazy.

    ~a Visitor :o)

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  11. Kristy,

    We are reading this, so please don't take quieter comments as a sign that we're not. I think we're all just holding our collective breath as the story goes on.

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  12. Extremely well written...

    you don't have to try any harder.

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  13. It's also tough to comment on most of these posts without sounding like a total prat...at least that's how I've been looking at it.
    But I'm definitely reading.

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  14. you know when you're sitting with a friend and she's telling you really, really important stuff about her life, and you just sit there, watching her tell you the story, viscerally feeling what she is telling you? and you don't say anything, you just listen, because she needs to tell you and you need to hear it? i think that's what is happening here, why people aren't commenting much. we're just still listening.

    (i will say that it is a relief to know that you are 5 years on the other side of this story.)

    *hug*

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  15. K,
    Thank you for this amazing series of posts. I'm floored by how similar my divorce was to yours (along with some things in my current marriage). I'm reading with bated breath, and I wish I could hug you, so consider yourself hugged. Thank you for putting this out there.

    Melanie

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  16. I already told you in a previous post why it's hard for me to comment on these. I think Sweetone hit it on the head for me. I'm still here...listening.

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