Just A Quick Thought

just worried said...

...K - you have your full name on your site..would it be safer to not show your real last name???

i have thought about this, and have wondered -- safer how? i don't mean to tempt fate, but i have given this a lot of consideration and don't really understand how this is "unsafe."

i mean, if people really want to stalk me (with good or bad intentions), i think it wouldn't be too hard to do, with or without my last name posted. especially as i have my photo up.

but is the likelihood of stalking really that great? are there really people who would find this blog and decide they'd need to find me and cause me harm? i guess maybe, i just don't really think so.

consider she-who-shall-not-be-named-because-i'm-so-jealous-of-her-i-cannot-speak. SHE has her first and last name posted, and it's her calling card. everyone who reads her blog knows she hangs out in NYC, and where her favorite spots are. she has her picture taken at every opportunity and has landed on Page 6 plenty of times. and she? she has a big ole' book contract and SITCOM coming out based on her life. thus, she's way more well known (just because of her blog) and has always had her name posted.

on another note, i find it interesting that someone would warn me against posting my first and last name, but no one has ever warned me about being a single woman living alone in a city. i'm not saying i don't know how to take care of myself, i'm just saying that all odds considered, i've got a lot more to be worried about walking to and from the bus than i do of posting my name online.



  1. Right! Sing it sistah. Hey, what are you naming Friget's replacement? Did you know all my cats over 20 years, have been named Binky? Does that seem strange to you? So...have you given it any thought?

  2. Ericha2@comcast.net4:02 PM, January 19, 2006

    I think you should name it Shazzer! Yeah, ok. Or Jude...but Shazzer sounds better.

  3. You know it's funny I was just having that conversation with a friend about how, if we really wanted to, we could totally run into "she-who-must-not-jealous-and-do-on" if we wanted to in NY because not only do we have her full name but she constantly posts her plans for the coming days!

    I guess it just goes to show that bloggers have nothing but love for each other!

  4. I think I understand where Just Worried Said is coming from, Kristy. Yes, there are lots of potential dangers for "a single woman living alone in a city" and knowing that, I'm sure you take some logical precautions regarding certain neighborhoods at certain times of the day/night, etc., etc. Why not take similar logical precautions when you use the internet? We all know that some pretty awful things have happened as a result of internet interaction leading to "real life" interaction. Not posting your last name is one way that you could help reduce the risk of stalkers.

    So how come you put your last name on your blog? Your friends already know who you are and IIFs have no need to know who you are, unless you're looking for something more than just sharing what you write. From the stuff you said about she-who-shall-not-be-named-because-i'm-so-jealous-of-her, it seems that you envy her "fame". Is it a reasonable conclusion that by posting your full name, you're hoping to be "discovered" and that your need to maximize your exposure is greater than your need to maximize your internet safety?

  5. K, as always, you are absolutely right. You have a lot more to be worried about walking to and from the bus than from posting your full name online. Why not post your phone number, too? And where you work. Are you wanting a sitcom (just because of your blog)? Does having your full name make that more likely to happen? Maybe that is the price one needs to pay for fame? Having your name posted shows you're bold and self sufficient and unafraid of weirdos. Good for you!

  6. I'd vote STRONGLY for not doing that if you were my r/l friend. It seems unnecessary for one thing and why risk it? What is the benefit to you of having it up there? I don't even use my first name on my blog. But then again, mine is a bit more...um... well I just don't.

  7. Unless you are posting your home and work addresses, home and work telephones, and a complete schedule of your upcoming activities, I'm not sure you are in any more danger than someone who writes for the newspaper, using her full name. Be yourself, and be proud of it.

  8. There is absolutely no reason not to use your real name. If you were writing, say, a humor column in the newspaper your name, phone number and email address would be readily available. More power to you!

    These people who want women to be afraid of everything in the name of "safety" are really anti-feminists. Very annoying.

  9. Oh, c'mon Jamy, this isn't an anti-feminist thing and no one has suggested that anyone "be afraid of everything in the name of 'safety'". You just sound silly. Gosh, I'd worry about the safety of my female AND male friends, a daughter AND a son, my mother AND father... Having your name, etc. in a newspaper when you write a column is probably required (and I'll bet any published phone numbers aren't for columnists' homes). Putting your last name on a blog is a choice.

  10. Kiki Sammis is one tough bird. She has it all figured out, and certainly doesn't need any body worrying about her or telling her what to do! Let her be! She is right.

  11. Ok, first I have to say, where did all this paranoia come from and how did it turn into a "feminist" issue? But I have to stick up for Jamy because so what if putting your name on a newspaper article is required and a blog isn't? You're still putting your name out there? Anon you say but phone numbers published probably aren't for their homes. Umm...has Kristy put her phone number out there. Although, that too can be found pretty easily over the internet these days. Every e-mail that I send out to anyone for work, has my full name on it. It also has my work domain and my signature block with my name, phone number, email, address etc. Every time you mail a letter, someone, a stranger, at the post office has your full name and address. The people who deliver your take-out food have your address and name. Netflix has your name, address and credit card number. Your gym has your name and address and credit card number. I could go on and on. How is Kristy putting her name on a blog any different than any of the above? If someone wants to stalk you, they're going to find a way, no matter what. Then there are those of you making accusations of her wants of celebrity. How did we get from Friget to all this? Well for all you who are so concerned about protecting your identity, let me just say that being in the field of computer forensics, if it came down to it, the computer you used to post here, could be traced and from there, you could be found also. Unfortunately, that's the world we live in...no one can really hide, unless they don't have a drivers licence, ss card, job, home, credit card, Safeway card, gym membership card, video store card...well you get the point. Can we get back to what you're going to name your "replacement" refrigerator Kristy?

  12. By the bye - your blog is superior to Mme. Voldemort's in myriad ways - most notably, it seems far less contrived, in addition to being much funnier and much less onanistic. Thanks for the writing!

  13. If by she-who-shall-not-be-named-because-i'm-so-jealous-of-her-i-cannot-speak you mean who I'm thinking of...she does have stalkers.

  14. thanks, everyone.

    let's get one thing straight, re: would i like to be "discovered" and suddenly, as if from out of nowhere, offered a bazillion dollar book contract to write exactly what i'm already writing?

    the answer is: um, yes please.

    is it likely? no. will posting my last name help? probably not.

    but i don't think it hurts, either.

    i just think posting my full name here is exactly like a columnist in a newspaper who goes by their full name.

    so why does writing a blog (read by ah, FAR fewer people than a local paper, i can assure you) suddenly make it dangerous? what about the internet creates this sense of fear?

    if i wrote a personal article and had it published in the Chron, i might get a lot of feedback, but i doubt anyone would ask me why i used my real name -- it'd be a non-issue.

    i'm not trying to sound brave and self-sufficient, i'm just trying to be rational. you know?

    anyway, i don't know why people who clearly don't like me or approve of anything i do continue to come here and comment. baffles me.

    but to clear up one more thing for the record: of COURSE i envy "mme voldemort's" fame (thanks for that term, jessica, and also for the proper use of 'myriad' and throwing out 'onanistic'). i'm sorry to hear that she has stalkers, but i notice it hasn't stopped her from posting where she'll be all the time.

    even i don't do that anymore.

  15. I doubt that the people who questioned why you use your last name don't like you or don't approve of anything you do, Kiki. I think they're probably genuinely concerned for your safety. You know that sometimes I am, but, alas, my influence is limited... :) xoxo

  16. oh, M2! i didn't mean about the people who are genuinely concerned. i wouldn't have brought this up if i didn't think it was a point worth considering.

    i was referring to comments like anon 6:16 who i'm pretty sure are less than genuine. perhaps i'm reading into things, though.

    in any case -- and on your suggestion, actually -- i have stopped posting my whereabouts.

  17. I agree that you shouldn't really be too worried about posting your name on the blog. Like 007 said,there is so much information out there already that your name on a blog probably won't make much of a difference. That being said, I just have to tell my little story regarding the internet and cyber stalkers...

    I was always really careful about not putting more than my first name and city on my profiles and such until one day in High school I got pulled out of my Gym class and taken to the Principal's Office because the FBI WANTED TO TALK TO ME! The FBI (yes the actual Federal Bureau of Investigations, in their blue suits, sunglasses and black briefcases!) showed up and told me my info had been found on a computer seized from a guy they had arrested who was soliciting girls online.

    It was an absolutely terrifying experience because I was interviewed for like an hour and shown pictures of these girls they were looking for who I guess were missing (Plus I was pulled out of Gym class, in my gym clothes to have this interview! The embarrassment...)

    Anyway the FBI found me because of context clues in my profile and doing a little searching through phone books, etc.

    So basically the moral of this story is that, yes, scary stuff can happen through the internet. But i think the odds of that happening are miniscule, and my case was really only a big deal because I was a minor at the time.

    So everyone should be cautious, but don't let fear rule your lives. There's really not much we can do about other people, so we just have to live our lives the best we can, have fun and drink lots of wine!

    (I absolutely LOVE your blog by the way!)

  18. ok, am i the only person who's asking: WHO IS THIS FAMOUS BLOGGING LADY WE KEEP REFERRING TO? i mean, for some reason, the only person that's coming to mind is Margaret Cho, and i know that's not right.

    have you ever read annie tomlin's stuff? it's good.

  19. "in any case -- and on your suggestion, actually -- i have stopped posting my whereabouts."

    Really? Aw..., no wonder I love you.

  20. Kristy, I have to say it initally concerns me to see your full name listed here, primarily because i (unfortunately) know too much about the element. however, your reasoning seems sensible, so hoping you'd not be so "out there" may not really fit here. Personally, I've had my purse stolen and i've been stalked (tho not caused by online activity). both events were really creepy and scary. Because you DO live alone, i DO get concerned for you because bad things happen anyway and knowing there's no way to protect you to begin with - makes it even more nerve racking to see what does at first glance sort of look like an invitation for added problems. What would the San Fran police say? How do newspapers handle this? Or other celebs? Could creating a pen name work? More later. :) Lisa

  21. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  22. K, are you talking about Pound?

    If yes, ok, she's written a book. Ok she has tons of "fans." But most are not true "iif"s. And although she may be funny, you're much funnier. And the best part of all is that I can relate better to you because: you make goals and we can see how much you struggle. I'm not saying wendy didn't struggle, but you... well you let us know failing doesn't make us fail-ures. Ya know what I mean? I mean whether you reach your goal or not, we love you. You have shown us that life is not reaching our destination, but the funny things we do and trip over on the journey. Thanks for keeping me laughing.

  23. I think you are in more danger of being stalked when you are walking home from the coffee shop down the street or getting out of your car in a parking garage. As long as you are not accepting invitations to dinner in this forum, I believe you are in less danger here than you would be at the mall. At least here no one can steal your purse!

  24. Why are people freaking out about the fact that you are a woman living alone here in SF? I personally take great offense to that. This is one of the safest urban areas in the country, and even if it weren't, some of us are capable of taking care of ourselves and aren't stupid or naive enough to put ourselves in dangerous situtations. The really freaky stuff goes on in the burbs or smalltown USA! You know where children get snatched out of bedroom windows, people get abducted, beauty pageant little girls are murdered, kids are shooting up their class-mates in school, migrant sex-slaves/housekeepers are being chained in basements, there's a meth-lab in every trailer park on the verge of exploding...

  25. Oh, did I forget to mention I turned down a date with Margaret Cho back when she was "out" and doing gigs at Josie's Cabaret and Juice Joint,in the Castro about 15 years ago? Who knew?

  26. I'm with you. Why bother writing something if you don't put your name to it?

  27. Margaret Atwood says:
    There is more than one kind of freedom- Freedom to and freedom from... Nolite te bastardes carborundorum."


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