this morning i went to go to the bathroom on my floor of the building, but when i got there it was full. so i decided to go up one floor and make use of the 4th floor ladies' room.
but as i was on my way, i realized i was kind of embarrassed to be visiting the 4th floor for no reason other than going to the bathroom.
so i decided i wanted to make it look like i was headed to the 4th floor for some Official Business Stuff and not just to use the potty. and i decided this could be accomplished by taking the stairs up, and then the elevator -- located in the opposite direction -- down. that way, i only walk by the 4th floor people by the stairs once.
and if they only see me walk by once, then surely i must be on their floor for some important reason.
(do not question NJ06 low-cal reasoning.)
so i walked to the bathroom, and then walked out the opposite way and was waiting for the elevator thinking my plan was pretty well executed.
until the elevator door opened and there was someone in it, which complicated matters.
because, even though i have a perfectly legitimate* reason for taking the elevator from the 4th floor to the 3rd floor, i still feel stupid for doing so. i can't very well explain why i'm not taking the stairs, you know?
uh, hi, coworker i don't know! sorry to get on the elevator and get off one floor down and interrupt your going to the lobby. i know it's only one floor and i should take the stairs, but you see, i CAN'T take the stairs because the people who sit near the stairs will see me and they will know i was only on their floor for like, three minutes and they will therefore figure out that the only reason i was there was to use the ladies' room and then they'll hate me.
right. i can't say that.
so instead, i got on the elevator and pretended that i, too, was headed down to the lobby.
oh hey, coworker i don't know! you're going all the way down to floor one? cool! me too!
but then on my way down to the 1st floor, i realized i didn't have a plan for what to do once i got there. i had no money on me so i couldn't purchase anything from the coffee stand. worse, i didn't have my security badge on me (so if i got off te elevator i wouldn't be able to get back on it since the badge is required to get on the elevators from the first floor).
thankfully, by the time we reached the lobby, i'd had an idea. i realized that if the person on the elevator with me hears that i don't have my badge on me, she will understand that i could not get off on the first floor without first retrieving it!
so when the elevator stopped at the lobby and my coworker started to get off, i pretended like i was getting off, too. but then! i cleverly touched my pocket where my badge would normally be and then feigned surprise. i exclaimed, "oh, i forgot my badge!" and stepped back on to the elevator.
and while i'm pretty sure she didn't hear me, or care, whatever. i managed to safely return myself to the third floor.