Friday, July 15, 2005

Um, Filters? Anyone?

so you know how sometimes things can maybe possibly fall out of one's mouth without a whole lot of (what'sthatcalledohright) forethought?

and you know how sometimes you can totally blame that on alcohol? yes, i know you do.

except you know when you shouldn't ever blame the falling-out-of-mouth-ing on alcohol? that's right! when you're in a job interview.

so no, i'm not saying i was drunk on a job interview (kids, it was 7:30 in the morning and plus i am actually a professional sometimes).

i'm saying that, while on an interview when i was very busy being 'actually a professional' i may have gotten a bit too ahead of myself and had something unfortunate fall out of my mouth because while i am actually a professional i am also actually a me.

and so, see, since it was an actual professional interview, there was nothing to blame the mouth-falling issue on other than myself. because you cannot be in an interview and say something stupid and then blame it on something like drugs ("oops, sorry, forgot to take my meds!") or alcohol ("i did a couple shots before i came in here...helps me calm my nerves").

instead, you have to pretend you meant to say exactly what you said, even if you absolutely didn't.

and just what is it i said, you ask?

oh, i'll bet you can guess.

ya-huh. in response to a question about a writing project i worked on a few years ago, i emphasized my writing skills, while off-handedly remarking that the site itself was not well marketed. and then i added:

"...i mean, my BLOG has more traffic."

immediately after which my brain had the following split-second conversation with itself:

"you are an idiot. i know you thought that mentioning your blog was a good idea in the 18th of a second you thought about it, but it was not. it was a really, really stupid thing to do. you'd better hope he doesn't ask for the url.

wait, wait, don't make that face or he'll catch on. be cool. he won't ask. everyone has a blog these days, it's just assumed. seriously, why the hell would he care what your blog address is?"

which is when he grabbed a pen and looked at me and said, "oh? you have a blog? what's the address?"

fuck.

so right, then my brain went into super-hyper-overdrive running through the following thoughts in oh-so-rapid succession:

  • you are an IDIOT
  • he's going to WRITE IT DOWN
  • he didn't just ask and forget, he's going to WRITE IT DOWN
  • maybe he won't read it
  • omg your LIST is on there!
  • and with the drinking?
  • nice SUNDRESS diagram
  • you use the word FUCK, kristy
  • HELLO? MASHED POTATO BOOBS
  • you are not a professional
  • well, wait, maybe he will think it's funny
  • maybe he will read it and think that you're GREAT and isn't is so cool that you're BRAVE ENOUGH to mention your fucking blog in a JOB INTERVIEW
  • oh yeah, that's likely
  • probably he will think you're crazy and the least professional person he's ever met
  • seriously kristy, learn how to filter yourself
but even as all these thoughts were running through my dumbass brain, cluttering up the mental landscape, i still managed to hesitate only briefly, realizing i had two choices.

Choice A: i could say, "oh, well, it's kind of personal. i'd rather not."

but come on. the second i said that it'd be like announcing, "there's weird stuff on my blog." and plus, what's worse, it would be drawing attention to the fact that DUMBASS stuff sometimes falls out of my mouth and what sort of actually a professional would allow that to happen?

which meant i'd have to go with Choice B: smiling, looking him in the eye, and giving him the address as though i was expecting the question and oh, sure, it's *totally* fine if you read it and why wouldn't i want you to know about my bad dates and worse kisses and strange yarn addictions and occasional jokes about my lack of workplace productivity.


so i guess my point is that even when i'm working very hard to be actually a professional, the same sort of happy-confidence that makes me think i can swing down stairs without falling or skip down the hallway without stumbling can find ways to creep in. and then instead of physically hurting myself, i verbally trip and spill.

at least i'm consistent.


(oh, and in case you're wondering if he ever read this, well... imaginary internet friends, say hi to greg.)

35 comments:

  1. Are you serious? You really gave him the address? Girl, you have guts. I guess I should have known that already after some of the crazy things you've posted. Keep it up- you and your breezy elegance are great!

    Did you get the job?

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  2. OMG. I was just on an interview last friday and i can understand the filter issue. I told my interviewer that I wanted to leave my job because there's a *chance* that my boss is a pedophile. Yep. that's professional conversation.
    If you need personal references, however, this is the perfect place for him to find some.

    Hi Greg. :)

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  3. Hi Greg! Kristy ROCKS! I'd hire her in a second if she was willing to become Canadian.

    Hey, Kristy, Ummmm...
    Ooooooohhhhh. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck! And that's all you can say. They will a) be totally turned off (but your blog does NOT, at all, give a sense of lacking professionalism) or b) be totally disarmed by your natural charm and fluid writing style.

    Shit, I gave my blog address as an example for a job. Granted, it was for a resident blogger position, but whatever. I say fuck a lot.

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  4. Hi Greg!!

    Did you catch that shot of Kristy's ASS???

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  5. Hi Greg,
    Nothing to see here, just us iifs and Kristy's... uh... imaginative fictional accounts of someone else's life entirely. I believe when used to describe kristy, the term "breezy elegance" is actually said without a hint of sarcasm.
    Kristy,
    This may work out for you, but feel free to tell people it's personal if you'd rather not have them see it... course, you had to mention the high traffic, so how personal could it be, really? Oy... Good luck lady.

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  6. long time reader, first time commenter.....

    i had one of those moments this past wednesday when, at a company sponsored party, without any forethought i said the most judgemental thing possible and when asked by *that* person what i said, i actually repeated myself.

    open mouth, [finish drink,] insert foot.

    i was compelled to blog a formal apology the following morning and email it to her.

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  7. and i almost forgot....

    Hi Greg!!!!!

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  8. I Have totally done that - let slip to my coworkers my blog address. One person knew one day, then everyone knew the next week. It was bad. I have to censor myself regarding who I talk to and what I say sometimes. Haven't been fired, though. Have been told to quit slandering the company or they could sue, however.

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  9. Hi Greg. Wouldn't it be wonderful to have such a dedicated and skilled writer with a true sense of herself. Who has chosen this wonderful creative outlet with which to convey her fantasies and polish up on her short fiction in order to sustain that perfect balance desired in order to put focus and energy into one's career.

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  10. OMG, I can't believe that Greg has seen your bruised butt.

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  11. See K...thats why we love you. You don't filter anything... I know more about you than I do about ...about.... well never mind.
    HEY GREG...at least you'll know what on her mind ( and her booty...hahahahaha)

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  12. this is a great blog (I said that already). Your previous post (the list.. ahem) inspired (inspired??) me to write my own version of it.

    mativation.com

    :)

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  13. Hello Grego, Can I call you Grego? No? sorry.

    This is not the Kristy you interviewed, although she may look the same, its not. this is all a figment of your imagination. Whatever you do do not scroll down to the bruised butt.

    I'm a good reference. She is hardworking and will be a great addition to your fast food establishment.

    Undr
    (Work Reference to the stars)

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  14. I have said controversial things here before, but this was a funny post and I hope you get the job.

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  15. The blog does actually show off your excellent writing skills at least.

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  16. If I was the guy behind the desk I would look at your blog, see the summer dress diagrams, read about the boyfriend episodes, the breezy elegance and the LIST and view pictures of your ass...

    and then you would definately get the job.

    After all, who wants to employ a lot of grey boring people who have no personality?

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  17. Clearly, if Greg asked for your blog url, he wants to know more about you. I mean clearly he wants you. Is he hot?

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  18. I just stumbled upon your blog & have to tell u, you make me laugh out loud - thanks!

    Oh, and Hi Greg!

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  19. Thanks to an unfortunate few days of not thinking, some random people got my blog url. See, my email address I used for a few CL postings was my site email and then these people to whom I had responded via email got the url and started reading it.

    Hi, Greg!

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  20. Salutations Greg!

    She's a catch, really she is.

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  21. You haven't done anything nearly as bad as the infamous Washingtoneinne! Plus the only mention I've heared of your job is that you have one. You should be fine. Hi Greg!

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  22. YAY! Kristy is back, and i guess i was totally wrong in my theory as to where you had been. that's ok. forgiven.

    i think this blog is a perfect indication of you and your writing style. atleast now he knows what he's getting into. and if you get the job... wouldn't you be flattered?

    and who cares if you say fuck.

    fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck. see it doesn't hurt anyone.

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  23. GREG!!! Is this for a marketing/writing position? Because I would buy anything she told me too-I love the writing that much. And I do not know this woman!

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  24. hi greg!

    take it from me: kristy rocks!
    she will make your days brighter, whatever it is people write for you-funnier, make your christmas parties more exciting and maybe even knit you a scarf!

    you should totally hire her.

    ...and just because she made you laugh too (come on....admit it!), you should surprise her with one or the other extra benefit, vacation day or couple o' grand. deal? great! thanks!

    best of luck, kristy!
    s.

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  25. Time is money. And when it's yours, it matters. You'll get the job, Kristy. Just remember how important it is to keep that budget tight. It matters!

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  26. holy shit. i cannot believe you gave him your blog address!! i would NEVER have done that. i'd have changed something in the address so that it wouldn't work when he tried it -- like make it "sheran" instead of "shewalks." so this goes to show that you are a far more honest person than i am! my first instinct in a situation like that would be to lie.

    so, greg, if you are reading this -- at least you know kristy is a certifiably HONEST person. in addition to being, ahem, professional (of course).

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  27. I hope he reads this.

    I'm definitely going to get fired for my blog eventually. You just have to Google my name. I'm so dumb for using it.

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  28. Hi, Kristy! He now has totally no choice but to hire you. ;o) But he may watch you extra-carefully at office Christmas parties!

    I would hire you in a sec, though, because the way you fret tells me that you care deeply about doing the right thing. And the way you laugh off your mishaps tells me you would be an easygoing person to fit into the workgroup.

    I wouldn't worry about your blogs regarding workplace "in-cubicle vacations" (heh-heh) -- if he's been a manager longer than 5 minutes, he already knows that real-world employees don't work 8 straight hours without (a) taking a smoke break, (b) checking out their auctions on eBay, (c) checking their personal e-mail, and (d) looking at the clock for oh, say, an average 6 times an hour.

    And if he's can't enjoy your blog, then you're better off working for someone who has a sense of humor because the real Kristy will, of course, emerge eventually anyway.

    BTW, I had my own breezy elegance episode at work earlier this week. See my blog for details; it's an homage to breezy elegance.

    Oh yeah ...

    *****HI, GREG!!!******

    - Carolyn B.

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  29. Hi Greg!!!

    Give her the job! (and that's not a clever metaphor!)

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  30. you guys are absolutely hysterical!

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  31. Hi Greg! K rocks! My life is miserable without her!

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  32. Took the weekend to think about things and read your blog. And you're hired! We'll call you on monday.

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  33. Congratulations on the new job!!!

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  34. *** Hi Greg! ***
    From a former co-worker of Kristy's, Greg, she is a catch! Enjoy her sense of humor! I know we will miss it!!

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  35. Hi Greg!!!

    Kristy ROCKS!!! I'd hire in a second, but I think she's had enough of Boston. :)

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