Even The Dog Laughed At Me

okay, so i have sensitive skin.

(kristy, no one cares if you have sensitive skin.)

(shutup, it's relevant to the story.)

(are you actually writing out your conversation with yourself?)

(um, maybe.)

(nice. they already think you're crazy.)

anyway, before i was so rudely interrupted by myself, i was mentioning that i have sensitive skin. and this is not much of an issue on an everyday basis, except when i suddenly break into hives (oh, and what a sexy look that is!) because of, well...almost anything can cause me to break into them: anxiety, stress, annoyance, tomatoes, etc. (sometimes hard to tell which.)

but also, sometimes i just break out into rashes for fun. sometimes heat. sometimes wool. sometimes for completely unidentifiable reasons.

and so yesterday, i was lounging poolside at a friend's house, enjoying my time off. i was wearing swimshorts and a tanktop. i had my feet propped up, and i was soaking up the rays (from under gobs of sunblock, of course.)

and then i felt a bit...uncomfortable.

my right breast suddenly felt a little...irritated. itchy, a bit. so i oh-so-surrepticiously* started feeling around my tank top, and was momentarily horrified.

there were bumps. all over. hard bumps.

what on earth happened now? am i allergic to my tank top? to the pool? the sun? how is this...

so as i began to fall into a complete panic, wondering what horrific site my right breast might have become, i threw caution to the wind and pulled my tanktop away from my skin and looked down it.**

i couldn't see anything right away, so i had to adjust myself. yes, meaning i was now holding my tanktop away from me with one hand, and gripping my boob with the other hand so that i could see the lower side of it.

and know what i saw?

no, no hives or rash or anything of the sort. nope.

apparently, i had managed to drop quite a large hunk of fried chicken down my cleavage completely unbeknownst to me, and then gone swimming with it!

which meant that it had broken into many bready little parts, now happily tucked away between my right breast and my tanktop.

and then, to add insult to -- well, not so much injury i suppose, huh? -- but just adding insult to my moritifying discovery, the dog came rushing over to see if she could have some of the scraps.

snarky just laughed at me.

as well she should have.



*because right. i am capable of doing anything surreptitiously.

**whatever. it was snarky and her boyfriend. my gaping down the front of my tanktop and rummaging around my cleavage is pretty much par for the course.