Those Damn Fish

by way of unrelated introduction...

yes. today was my first day at my new job. and so it was great and scary and new new new and so much to learn and absorb and GAH! i am sure i will have stories. i am sure i will have much to share. but there is just SO much swimming around in my head (and body*) that the only way i can deal with it is to ignore it for the time being, change subjects, and blog about dumbass boys while drinking a glass of wine.

first of all, i have developed a crush on a boy and i am most unhappy about it. and please don't ask me why (i.e., "isn't it nice to have a crush on someone?") because by now you should know that the second i realize that i have an official crush on a boy he will never call me again.

and then this means that i will likely resort to posting another ad online. except i think i can't do that anymore. because finally, after like a MILLION terrifying emails leading to several unsuccessful internet dates, i am starting to think that maybe craigslist is not so much the means for finding true love. (or, you know, even just someone worthy of a second date.)

because remember king od? yeah, well, he's back.

here are some very recent excerpts from emails i've received (and in the first several cases, the ENTIRE email i received) from men in response to various ads i've posted. maybe not as bad as the first batch, but not exactly promising, either...

****

Do you have a pic?
i spent two hours composing my ad. you spent, what? 42 seconds composing an email asking for my picture without so much as saying hello? *sigh*


hey u call me xxx xxx xxxx!!!
well, at least you said hello.


sup wit it on this sunday night? wanna kick it?
hmm. does "sup wit it" count as a hello?


im latino man single never married not kinds,but i will having (2).
didn't you mean to say you're not a married "king od" guy? no?


Well I guess you can email me back like what I read
gosh! really? i can?


cool i like what u juts wrote , i'm very sure i have what you looking for.. as the matter fact i'm so bored and home alone .. i just rented a movie from lee vadio store and i just open a buttel of wine... let me know what ru ganna do ..
i don't really want to seem snobbish about the english language, and yet...well, what m i ganna do...?


so what your trying to say is your just wako, you know, crazy, lolol, well i like it and im interested.
at least my true self is coming across.


I think I saw you once on a country road. I was lounging under a tree, and you rode by on your broomstick searching for an eye of newt to cast a spell on some poor devil.
that was YOU?


Hi, How are you? I'm well hung and thick
you know, i almost responded to you since your note to me was so unassuming and polite. and then i saw the subject line of your email.



and people say romance is dead.





*and p.s. that fucking bitch aunt flo decided to drop in EARLY so she could be a part of my first day on the job. isn't that sweet?