Monday, July 25, 2005

Those Damn Fish

by way of unrelated introduction...
yes. today was my first day at my new job. and so it was great and scary and new new new and so much to learn and absorb and GAH! i am sure i will have stories. i am sure i will have much to share. but there is just SO much swimming around in my head (and body*) that the only way i can deal with it is to ignore it for the time being, change subjects, and blog about dumbass boys while drinking a glass of wine.

first of all, i have developed a crush on a boy and i am most unhappy about it. and please don't ask me why (i.e., "isn't it nice to have a crush on someone?") because by now you should know that the second i realize that i have an official crush on a boy he will never call me again.

and then this means that i will likely resort to posting another ad online. except i think i can't do that anymore. because finally, after like a MILLION terrifying emails leading to several unsuccessful internet dates, i am starting to think that maybe craigslist is not so much the means for finding true love. (or, you know, even just someone worthy of a second date.)

because remember king od? yeah, well, he's back.

here are some very recent excerpts from emails i've received (and in the first several cases, the ENTIRE email i received) from men in response to various ads i've posted. maybe not as bad as the first batch, but not exactly promising, either...

****

Do you have a pic?
i spent two hours composing my ad. you spent, what? 42 seconds composing an email asking for my picture without so much as saying hello? *sigh*


hey u call me xxx xxx xxxx!!!
well, at least you said hello.


sup wit it on this sunday night? wanna kick it?
hmm. does "sup wit it" count as a hello?


im latino man single never married not kinds,but i will having (2).

didn't you mean to say you're not a married "king od" guy? no?


Well I guess you can email me back like what I read
gosh! really? i can?


cool i like what u juts wrote , i'm very sure i have what you looking for.. as the matter fact i'm so bored and home alone .. i just rented a movie from lee vadio store and i just open a buttel of wine... let me know what ru ganna do ..
i don't really want to seem snobbish about the english language, and yet...well, what m i ganna do...?


so what your trying to say is your just wako, you know, crazy, lolol, well i like it and im interested.
at least my true self is coming across.


I think I saw you once on a country road. I was lounging under a tree, and you rode by on your broomstick searching for an eye of newt to cast a spell on some poor devil.
that was YOU?


Hi, How are you? I'm well hung and thick
you know, i almost responded to you since your note to me was so unassuming and polite. and then i saw the subject line of your email.



and people say romance is dead.





*and p.s. that fucking bitch aunt flo decided to drop in EARLY so she could be a part of my first day on the job. isn't that sweet?


26 comments:

  1. Kristy,
    Love your internet dating takes. So funny. I went back and read the whole King Od post again and laughed myself silly.

    I don't know how you can even deal with CL as a dating venue. Except that it's like enlisting a staff of unwitting joke writers to help out with your blog. You can keep milking that gag as far as I'm concerned.

    Ian

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  2. The men that responed back may not know romance, they do know how to turn on the computer :) ...you will find someone, he is just at home drinking some wine right now..

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  3. dumbass boy stories are the best! thanks for the laugh.

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  4. u r so hot. r u ganna blog wit me? lemme LOL you know? dig it

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  6. Wow, Kristy - I wonder if these guys are taking advice from http://patheticpersonals.com/
    It's some funny stuff. :-)

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  7. craigslist does seem to be a magnet for people focused on their weenies instead of their language skills. i met my Boy (almost 2 years ago) on match.com. but don't tell him i told you. or that i posted it up on the worldwideweb.

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  8. All Hail King Od! Cheetos and handjobs for all my men!

    LOL I love this stuff, I wish I had had the forethought to save the responses I have received from various personal ads. They crack me up. Thank you for condensing it down and making me laugh on a daily basis.

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  9. All Hail King Od! Cheetos and handjobs for all my men!

    LOL I love this stuff, I wish I had had the forethought to save the responses I have received from various personal ads. They crack me up. Thank you for condensing it down and making me laugh on a daily basis.

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  10. Ah Kristy, I can relate. VERY scary what some men think are acceptable first emails to women. One of my most recent was from some guy that said (and I'll clean it up for all your IIFs): "I can make you *** [achieve the Big 'O'] in less than 4 minutes. Email me."

    Ah amore!

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  11. Oh GAWD. Welcome to my world! Never a dull moment in internet dating :-)

    Just found your blog - great stuff!

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  12. Those pathetic personals are quite wonderful.

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  13. Pathetic personals RULE.

    Can you hear me laughing?

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  14. Darling, CL is for hook-ups and you're too good for it. Run!!! Although, it does make some good material for your blog.

    P.S. Flo has great timing, don't she?

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  15. So I'm wondering if by using the word "wako" that one was butchering the spelling of "wacko", meaning that his impression of you is that you are a wild and crazy sort of girl, or if he butchered the spelling of "Waco" and thinks that you are a cult leader.

    Can't be too careful these days, you know. ; )

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  17. Idiot said: "Hi, How are you? I'm well hung and thick"

    ...As opposed to hung like a flea and thin as linguine.

    LOL

    Personals are Da Bomb.

    Undr

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  18. First of all your stuff is great!

    Second, CL definitely has some weirdos, but surprisingly enough I met my SO there just 2 months ago. Long time I know (and they said it wouldnt last). So dont ever give up, just keep blogging!

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  19. Wow. That's all that I can say.

    (Well, I can also say that I wish I knew what you had written in your CL post to elicit these responses. Did you at least get ANY nice replies? It kind of makes me want to post a really innocent ad to see what I get in response!)

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  20. It's scary that these are true.

    And, aunt flo is NEVER welcome.

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  21. Craigslist! Good and well, not soo good. You never know what you are gonna get. At least it's entertaining...

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  22. .....and they wonder why they're single.

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  23. Yep ya gotta love that good ole aunt flo

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  24. sometimes flo is verrrrrrry welcome! like when you really don't want to be pg ;-)

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  25. Make Out Kate, your dear friend and mine, was the one who led me to your blog. Wildly funny.

    I dare to say that a likely interpretation of "im latino man single never married not kinds,but i will having (2)" might also be:

    "No kids, but will soon be having two of them..."

    (...with mothers whose names I no longer remember, and would be sure to misspell if I did.)

    Dana

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