That Time My Chins And I Were In The Paper

There's an article about me in today's Napa Valley Register, along with a photo. These are wonderful* things!

Except.

(Except of course except.)

I hate the picture. Haaaaaate. It isn't flattering in the least. And the worst part about it is that everyone** I know has insisted that I "look beautiful" in it. Which means that's what everyone thinks my "beautiful" is. Which is terrifying to me because no, actually, it is not. Objectively, it is not beautiful.

But instead of getting into a long-winded post about THAT ONE TIME I WEIGHED SO MUCH LESS AND WAS SO MUCH PRETTIER, I'm just going to give it to you in pictures.

WHEN I PUT ON A LOT OF EYELINER AND HAVE A COUPLE GLASSES OF WINE I AM PRETTY SURE I LOOK LIKE THIS:

AND THEN WHEN I HAVE TO GET ALL SERIOUS ABOUT WORK I LOOK LIKE THIS: 

AND THEN THE PAPER TAKES A "REAL LIFE" PICTURE OF ME AND IT LOOKS LIKE THIS: 

AND THEN I THINK "HOLY SHIT" BECAUSE I REALIZE I LOOK MORE LIKE A CROSS BETWEEN THIS: 

AND THIS: 

THE END. 

*The article is great and the photograph is great, I just can't believe that's what I look like.

**Except my sister Sam who thankfully laughed at it for 5 minutes straight.