My Cats Are Pussies

take out one little, innocent, happy yellow vacuum cleaner...

and your cats -- who are (theoretically) smarter, (usually) more agile, and (frankly) capable of being LOUDER than your harmless appliance -- cower.

sherlock seeks high ground:

monster (moriarty) seeks cover:

what kind of guard cats are these, anyway?

yeah, hi, i know i just blogged about my cats. right. AND my vacuum cleaner. because i am clearly an urban sophisticate. but really, i thought it best to move on, so there you go.


  1. Yup. There comes a time in every crazy cat lady's life where we ask ourselves "Holy shit, what have I become?" I'm not sure if mine was setting up profiles on Catster. Or when I posted an entire entry about the feeding habits of my cats? Or maybe it was the realization that I had just spent $37 at the grocery store - $10 for me, $27 for them. I'm just not sure what the defining moment was, but someday, perhaps after intensive therapy, I hope my cats will no longer be my most scintillating piece of blog fodder.

  2. I had to give my cat Binky (also a Maine Coon) up to a friend due to allergies. When I did, I made a cassette of me singing the song I always sang to him and told her to play it everynight. (sung to the you are my sunshine) "You are my Binky, my stinky Binky, you make me happeeey when skies are blue, you'll never know Bink, how much I love you, you are my boo". I would also call and leave it on the answering machine every day until she finally made me stop. :-(

  3. I love the cat photos... plus I've had the same defining moment as Dewey where I go to the store and spend at least twice as much on my cats than I have on myself. And if they would sit still for photos, I would blog them.

  4. cat licks my nose and eyes as I sleep. Apparently this is how she shows me she loves me.

    But watching my 130 lb. rottweiler run from the vacuum is the funniest thing I have ever seen! I don't have to be anywhere near her and she's trying to hide under the bed(but she doesn't quite fit).


  5. Remember when I cornered Monster using the cubes? HAHAHA

    Poor Monster.
    Poor Sherlock.

    My cats cower in solidarity.

  6. I would also like to point out that cats, simply due to their vernacular nomenclature, can't avoid being pussies.

  7. I don't see carpet...why do you have a vacuum cleaner? I'm a male. I'm confused.

  8. Haji... first, even as a woman, I have to object to your generalization that is insulting to men as a whole. There are women who aren't domestic godesses and there are men who are. However it doesn't take one to know that when you have hard wood floors, and long haired cats, sweeping just moves everything around and doesn't pick up the hair or dander. From the pic, it looks like K has one of those high tech vacuum's that sweeps and vacuum's instead of just re-distributing the dust/hair/dander/ whatever. You not realizing that has nothing to with you being a man as much as it does, you being a person with little experience with cleaning.

  9. I own a carpet cleaning business in NC. Which I run when I'm not dodging rockets here in Afghanistan. I can clean.
    My wife vacuums the vinyl kitchen floor at home... which has perplexed me for 19 years.
    From now on I will stick to generalizing Anonymous people...not my own gender,race etc.

  10. Anon: haji was being funny (that's how I took it) and I didn't see how his comment was insulting to me. I'm a man, I should know.

    We (meaning my wife AND I) usually sweep and mop the linoleum in our kitchen instead of just vacuuming it.

    It seems K can't write about anything lately without someone trying to start a fight. Sheesh. If this keeps up she may stop writing altogether.

    Let's play nice together ok?

  11. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  12. K,

    While I do appreciate your willingness to entertain your IIF's with news of your cats and such, I'd be much obliged if you would consider doing the following when you're pondering what the next blog entry might/should be:
    talk about your mum.

    Yeah, that's right, just talk to us about your mum like, I dunno, what your best memory of her is, what her laugh sounded like, did she sing to herself when she did chores around the house, what you miss most now that she's gone, if she read books aloud to you and if so, which books and when, and other silly stuff like did she ever tell you about a dream she had once that upset her or frightened her or simply made her day, etc...

    I ask this of you only because, through you, she lives, and since I've had the privilege of getting to know more about you through this blog of your's, I figured that because of her, you *are*

    Does that make sense?

    Forgive this extraordinarily personal request, I understand you might choose to keep certain things to yourself, but look at it this least you won't likely forget much of the details as time passes by if you take the moment now to write it all down. Who knows, maybe on some bankrupt morning, you'll find a forgotten account -- with accumulated interest *smile*

    It doesn't have to be melancholy or oh-so-serious, it can have your usual witty and cleverly-composed viewpoint, y'know? Think about it, will ya?

    Peace, out.
    (formerly of pdx, temporarily in the biblebelt *ugh*)

    PS: I doubt likely anything composed of your mother on this blog will result in any of us IIF's arguing, capische?

  13. Kristy,

    Pretty good advice above but I like you just the way you are. Keep doing what you're doing and I'll keep reading (and commenting WAY too much!!).

  14. When I was a kid we had a cat who loved the vacuum cleaner. He would roll on his back and let you vacuum his belly. More recently the Roomba is treated with detatched curiosity.

  15. k - write whatever you like.

    DAN - please stop fucking posting constantly. Your "look at me and my blog" comments are so annoying.

  16. I used to love cats..I really did. But i have this cat now that is just the meanest crankiest, nasty ol cat you would ever meet. She only likes me and spends most of her life sleeping on my bed. If anyone else comes near her she hisses, growls and swats at them. My nieces are even afraid to go down the hall to the bathroom if they see her standing there! Since there seem to be alot of "cat people" here..any advice? (Sorry for using your blog for solicitng advice Kristi, but, being the nice person you are I know you wont mind.)

  17. I have these chimes hanging along one of the rods between the posts of my four-poster bed* and each morning my Sergie-kitty stands on his hind legs, puts his front paws on the head board, and reaches up and smacks the crystal at the bottom, making the chimes sound. He pauses, then comes back to snuggle with me. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO CUUUUUUUTE.

    *operating under the "every time a bells rings, an angel gets her wings" theory ... although it's not usually "wings" I'm getting when the chimes sound ;)

    Oh, and feminist anon: lighten up, it was a joke! I'm a chick and I thought it was funny.

  18. Haji,

    If you'd seen the floating tumbleweeds of Sherlock fur, you'd understand just how inadequate a broom is in dealing with them. A scythe, though...

  19. I should have pointed out that we sweep and mop because we don't have a cat. We have a rabbit but she just flings her shavings and shit on the carpet, so we vacuum.

    Anon 9:19: Bite me!

  20. I do't mind kitty-vacuum posts. I love them.

    My two kitties? They are wimps. The vacuum scares them into waaaay high up places or dark furthest-reaches corners.

    Silly kitties.

  21. Dan, I'm not either of the above two anonymous posters but I have to say as a regular reader of this blog, it seems like you are constantly begging for people to "look at me go to my blog" and I've seen it said before, this is not your blog. How many times do we have to hear about Kristy not responding to your email or how you just know who every anonymous poster is and that they are the same ones on your blog. I shall remain anonymous because I don't want Dan coming to my blog and begging for attention there. K - sorry if this now turns into another Defensive Needy Dan whining rant day.

  22. amen to Anon 11:09am!

  23. haji's comment didn't bother me, but i do get where the anon 10:56 is coming from... the "incompetent male" thing can be really annoying. her point was fair (based on what haji wrote, even if that's not what he's really about) and made with only slight snarkiness. and she did actually answer his question about vacuuming vs sweeping. opposing viewpoints don't always have to = fight.

    as for the cats, i think they are smart. after dropping my 1000 pound vacuum cleaner on my foot the other day, i can now relate.
    plus, do you think they don't notice that you are vacuuming up all of their fur??? they can put 2 and 2 together -- they know that after you get the fur on the ground, you're going to come after the fur on their bodies!

    from the expression on my dog's face when i vacuum, i'm pretty sure he finds it insulting that i would remove the fur he so lovingly places on the floor. here he is, just trying to decorate, you know -- make the place a little more homey, and i come along and throw away his efforts. he finds it very rude of me.

  24. That picture of monster hiding under the furniture is so cute! My dog doesn’t like the vacuum much either. It’s kind of funny, he looks at it all warily and if it gets too close he’ll jump over just about anything to get out of the way. But he’s a real pussy at heart anyway.

  25. aww, don't be hard on dan.

    he's like a permalink.


  26. Just so there is no confusion...I could care less if anyone from this blog visits and comments on mine. I do not care if K replies to my email and I do not beg for others to notice me.

    Please stop using comments to attack me and accuse me of things when you don't know me. I'm quite tired of these occasional personal attacks by people who feel the need to hurt my feelings and say rude things.

    I'm trying to refrain from cursing but I'm reaching my limit. At least I try to support K and provide to the general conversation, not take away from it. You're the ones pleading for attention.

    I'm done with this!

  27. and K...if I do comment too much for your liking please let me know.

  28. Okay, you got me started on cats and vacuums....

    When K or I gets our vacuum out,the cats are gone gone gone...

    ... Fergus hides on the back of the television and Chester gets on the kitchen windowsill behind the Norway Spruce, neither of them hiding at all effectively...

    ... yet every Saturday when the hall gets vacuumed they are both pressed against the door, desperate to get out and submerge their furry hell in all that noise.

    I gave up trying to understand them a while back.

  29. Not too far off from my cats. The closet that houses thier favorite bird toy also houses the vacuum. So they come running up when I open the closet door, and as soon as my hand touches the vacuum they run and hide. (Usually under the couch or under the bed, depending on which room I am vacuuming).

  30. "I do not care if K replies to my email and I do not beg for others to notice me"

    we went back and counted at least 7 times you have done the above and then our lunch break was over

    but we actually find it very entertaining the way you always go on defending yourself about not defending yourself.

  31. Whatever, I'm done commenting on this blog.

    Are you happy now?

  32. yes

    (this is like that other Dan day where you kept on posting that you were done posting)

  33. Serrephim ~

    "although it's not usually "wings" I'm getting when the chimes sound"

    Smart kitty that Sergie ;-)

  34. Holy ouch people. Way to turn a funny post into the bitter blog with your comments.

    We all preach about "if you don't like this blog then..." -- well how 'bout if you just SKIP Dan's comments if you don't like 'em?

    It's pretty easy, he's even made a nice visual marker by posting his pic next to the text thereby allowing you to skip without even reading his name.

    YOu know K, I like your blog but the commenting has become kind of ugly and bitter lately.

    Even when you try to make a fun entry about cats for f's sake.


  35. YOu know K, I like your blog but the commenting has become kind of ugly and bitter lately.

    The antidote for this is we all get drunk, get naked, and see what happens.

    But not Kristy, Kristy's dad. She wouldn't do such a thing.

  36. drunk and naked. finally, a voice of reason ;)

  37. Serrephim, I want to get drunk and naked. I seriously need to visit San Fran.

  38. Im not one of the other Anonymous posters from above. I just wanted to say that I love the kitty posts.

    My cat runs the house at my home. Last night for instance my husband hogged the whole bed so I had to move out to the couch in the living cat stayed with him...Basically husband and cat got the bed, and **I** get forced out to find my own alternate sleeping space.
    Tell me, what is wrong with THAT picture?

  39. Mr. Box needs a vacation

  40. K and others,

    I never said I didn't like the kittyposts, I simply offered a suggestion for a future blog topic.

    I offered the suggestion for a future blog topic as a rather indirect means of detracting attention from some of the feuding that oh-so-frequently occurs amongst K's IIF's. As evidenced in numerous posts above which followed my original one, I obviously failed there, no?

    At any rate, I personally don't like cats. I've got a scar on my lip, courtesy of a cat's claw, leftover from the days of my youth. Such is the nature of a lass who's deaf, where one can't "hear" any kind of warning, organic and mechanical both, until it's too late.

    And for what it's worth, I've been a loyal IIF for quite awhile now, have posted before, but prefer to stay in the shadows mostly. Gives a better vantage point by which to view and see everything else going on.

    So feud away.

    Missy E.
    state of misery

  41. Misseye...I'm not trying to be critical when I say this and I cannot speak for Kristy. This is only my humble opinion and you can take it or leave it. Your request, as you yourself said, was of an exteremely personal nature and coming from a stranger. There are 100's, maybe 1000's of people who peruse K's blog now and maybe there are certain subjects she doesn't want to, isn't ready to, or just hasn't laid out for the world and all it's critics to see. You are also assuming that K isn't already journaling, or discussing, perhaps privately or with close friends/family, about her mother. My guess is a writer of her caliber and a person of her depth, writes elsewhere also or has other avenues available to them by which they can address their more personal and private issues. You also don't know what her state of mind is around her Mother. Also, isn't one of the beauty's of a personal blog the freedom to just jot down whatever you feel like. We don't have paid subscriptions. I try not to look at anyone's blog as if they are writing for me and my needs. I feel more like I'm being given a window seat from which to watch the parts of their world they so generously wish to share.

  42. I don't think it's wrong for people to make topic requests of Kristy. What's been amazing to me about her blog is how her experiences seem to mirror or resemble so many of ours, too, and how her willingness to express herself and talk about some really deep and painful things, has opened a lot of us up to the same, so I think it makes sense people would want to hear about the things they feel like they'll identify with more.

    That being said, it is her blog, and she can take or leave the requests as she will, and has no obligation to write about anything other than what she feels like writing about.

  43. um...Serrephim, if your post was in response to mine, thanks for your input, but I was just voicing my opinion to Misseye as I stated, and I don't believe I said it was wrong to make topic requests, or that Kristy had any obligation to or not to write about anything she wants. Quite the opposite. I was refering more to the implications I felt were made around this being the only avenue K uses to "memorialize" her personal feelings.

    I got this from when Misseye stated "at least you won't likely forget much of the details as time passes by if you take the moment now to write it all down. Who knows, maybe on some bankrupt morning, you'll find a forgotten account -- with accumulated interest *smile*"

  44. Shull -

    it was sort of to both of you, and I meant it in a diplomatic way, but I guess it didn't come off right. Sorry!

  45. Ok, children. Chill. No blog fighting, it's boring. Complaining about Dan posting too much (posts to which he is forced to respond) is like hitting "reply all" to tell people to not "reply all".

    I am VERY allergic to cats and had to give up my indoor cats years ago. But this year I bought a house and can have outdoor kitties who have TOTALLY dominated the wild of my backyard, as well as the backyards of neighbors (except the ones with dogs).

    If I am a little late with their food, they leave gifts. We are averaging 3 corpses a week, including a PIGEON (?) that outweighs them both that they took down last week. Thankfully a racoon dragged it away in the night and I was spared the disposal.

    I have a lower unit that I rent on a short term basis and thank God I went down to check it out before a prospective tenant came by this morning. I was able to remove the mouse body from the front stoop in time. I found his head, too. The mouse, I mean. The tenant was all in one piece.

  46. "I found his head, too. The mouse, I mean. The tenant was all in one piece."

    seriously so funny...i keep reading it over and over again just so i can keep laughing...

    thank you! LOL

  47. wtf?

    Hey K'sIIF's, please don't take it upon yourselves to lecture me about what I may or may not, seemingly, post here in the comment section of K's blog.

    After my initial post saw light of day, I'm quite certain that K doesn't think that I'm sitting here in my little corner of the world anxiously awaiting her compliance with my previously stated blog topic idea/suggestion.

    AS IF!?!?

    I guess I'm irked by the idea that some of K's IIF's take it upon themselves to be her Blog Comments Enforcement Squad (hereby known as BCES), swooping down on the unsuspecting souls who KINDLY TAKE THE TIME TO POST A RESPONSE TO K'S LATEST TOPIC IN THE FIRST PLACE, only to inform them that their posted response didn't quite meet the BCES's general satisfaction (K's own satisfaction remains unknown at present time) and was/is somehow inappropriate and thus a waste of everyone's time.

    Geeze, and to think that K actually accommodated a topic request of my just a few months ago in the first place, a topic request that many of you thought was brilliant enough to warrant participation by forwarding birthday greetings to a previously-unknown small town's chamber of commerce.

    If K doesn't want us/me suggesting blog topic ideas, she can tell us/me herself. I really don't need any of you BCES doing it for her. I mean, really, that gets old after awhile.

    Dan, believe it or not, I really really really REALLY empathize with you. Right now. This very moment.

    Sometimes we just need to go where the action is. And sometimes, we just need to mind our manners.


  48. Hey K --

    At least your cats are afraid of something motorized -- my cat is scared of the broom...

  49. Mine think attacking the broom and rolling in the pile of dust/hair/etc I've just swept up is a fun game to play with the Mommy.


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