Knitting Quota

before i get another warning from the knitting mafia, i thought i'd maybe fill you in on my "progress" related to knitting.

(even though at this point those of you who found this blog through a knitting webring have decided you're never coming back because there is little to no evidence that i actually do anything knitting-related at all, ever.)

(and of course those of you who read because i write about non-knitting things have probably decided to jump ship following the inadvetently controversial mayonnaise post, for which i'd not blame you.)

(so this post is for the remaining three readers. well, and the knitting keyword mafia.)

anyway, the truth -- the sad, sad truth though it is -- is that i do actually still knit.

and i haven't gotten any better.

and i haven't finished any projects since the rather imperfect snarky chemo cap, and the one gift i managed to get done in time for a birthday.

two months ago.

but again, to assuage the mafia (and perhaps satisfy some of you knitters' morbid curiosities), here is what i have been up to*:

::cue violins::

Scarf, The First

so there's a scarf i started when i went back east for Charlie's birth. yes, i know he is almost four months old. that is not the point. the point is that i started this simple scarf for no reason other than a friend asked me to. and i knitted it up diligently, and got it all the way done. because look, sometimes i'm a good friend.

except after i used all three skeins of yarn, i realized it needed four. and that required me to order more yarn. and that took three months. (not because it takes that long to get yarn, but because it takes that long for me to remember to actually order it.) and now the scarf -- as you see here -- is nearly complete!

Monster thinks i probably used 10.5s.


because no, i haven't embarked on starting the fourth skein. and that is because, sadly, i have pretty much no idea what numbered needles i was using to do the first 3/4 of the scarf. i do know i took the needles out so that i could use them for another project (and put the 11 in it as a placeholder), but i don't remember which project.

and so um.

Scarf, The Second

rather than try and figure out how to finish the first scarf, and also while i was waiting for the fourth skein to arrive, i started my new job. and when i started, i learned that there is a Stitch 'n' Eat lunch club! at work! where we knit and eat lunch every other week! isn't that awesome?


so i couldn't come empty handed to the first session, and explain that i had had six weeks to order more yarn but hadn't managed to remember to. no. that would be bad form. we do not need the entire knitting club at work to know how pathetic my yarn sensibilities actually are (besides, i have the knitting mafia for that, thankyouverymuch).

instead, i brought with me my birthday yarn from BrianOfTheBoxedWine and looked for suggestions for what to make with it. and that is when i learned what a cool pattern RiseyP was making with her cool yarn, and decided i would do the same thing and make her a scarf. because she is my friend and i love her and i want to make something pretty for her.

you're thinking there's a "but" here, aren't you?

yeah, well. the tricky thing about RiseyP's scarf is that you have to know if you're knitting or purling EVERY SINGLE STITCH. you can't just like, blabber away while you knit, knit, knit, knit. you have to PAY ATTENTION which, for those of you who are able to do this know, means NOT TALK. and that's just silly.

thus, this is the progress i've made on that scarf. in three months:

Monster wanted to use his paw for scale.

Scarf, The Third

next we have the scarf i decided to start for Ish, who:
a. does not want a scarf, and
b. will probably not wear it.

but i wanted to start a third project because everyone was knitting checkerboard patterns and they look cool and i wanted to see if i could do one and i needed a reason.

but given that i'm using 5s again (because i totally love using tiny needles):
a. the pattern is exceptionally "understated" (which of course means you absolutely cannot tell, unless you take the scarf in your hands and examine it all up close and personal which no one does to strangers who are walking by wearing scarves, that there is a pattern in it at all), and
b. i expect to finish this scarf sometime in april. you know, in time for spring.

pictured here is an undetectable pattern. pretend it's gorgeous.


now. given that i have three scarves in the works, none of which -- i should add -- are currently fucked up and all of which -- i should likewise add -- i have enough yarn to complete, i decided to go to last month's Knit 'n' Whine at the Urban Knitting Studio and bring with me, after much debate...

...correct! nothing!

i showed up at the studio with none of my projects, opting instead to start something completely new that i will also not finish anytime soon.

and so here we have a picture of a hat, presumably for Charlie, presumably (i would say thanksgiving, but let's be realistic.)

and that's assuming i ever get it back from Monster anyway.

*photos are thumbnailed, btw. click for larger. both of you.


  1. I had the same problem with the same yarn in scarf 1. I do still have to order one more skein. Which will likely happen in about 6 months. My cats like to eat the needles.

  2. I think you should make cat toys! Fill them with catnip! My cats love socks. They lick socks filled with catnip for hours. It would be fun to have little mice or birds for them to "kill".

    ~ Lisa AKA SK

  3. does that mean my scarf comes with a Monser attached??


  4. I say that if you complete a project within 6 months of starting it that is a completely acceptable time line. But then again, that’s coming from someone who does “free-form” (i.e. “made-up”) crochet and only recently became aware that there exists more than one kind of stitch in knitting.

  5. I think this happens to all but the most disciplined of the knitting world. lord knows I have like ten projects from four years ago sitting in a closet from the days in which I professed to be a knitter. Maybe, one day, if I have the time, I will pick them up again. ;) of them is in a checkerboard pattern, in the shape of a would be wrap, extra large scarf type creation, that was intended as a birthday gift for mom. four years late is still better than never

  6. That first picture looks like a shadow of Frankenstein with a Micky Mouse hand puppet.

  7. Hey! I thought you were going to knit me a new living room floor and a couple of non-bearing walls!

  8. Awwww, Monster is such a handsome lad. No wonder you forgive him for the pissing.

  9. that monster is pretty damn handsome. just don't tell him that there's a pattern out there called a Kitty Pi. the peeing won't stop until he's sleeping in one.

    btw -- what's the trick to the click and make the images big? that's way more advanced than i've been able to manage...

  10. Knitting mafia...too funny. What a good yarn.

  11. Love the scarves and the kitty. Seems that being a ham runs in the kitty genes somewhere. All mine are the same way when you pull out a camera. Good luck on finishing the hat soon.

  12. **sniff** I dont have anyone to knit me a scarf..or a hat...or **sniff**

    IIF in Fresno

  13. Yes, please tell us how to click to make images big. It's voodoo magic, isn't it?

  14. I'm in the same boat you are. I have at least four sweaters started for my son who just turned 4 months old. Pretty sad I can't seem to finish one considering they are so small. Thankfully, I don't belong to a knitting web ring. I know they are pretty strict with the amount of knitting posts required.

  15. When you said that #5 needles were tiny, I concluded that you are a modern hip knitter. Why not take one of the unfinished scarves to the next Knit'n'Talk and frog it while you chat? You will get lots of sympathy, and needn't pay any attention at all. Then you can start afresh and make something you will want to finish. If you are indeed a hip knitter and (as I can see from your picture) a pretty young woman, you can make a garter-stitch scarf on 20 stitches and wear it yourself. It will go fast, you can stop whenever you run out of yarn, and it will look cute. -- Rebecca

  16. I don't see my name anywhere on here for potential. AND I moved someplace cold and actually NEED a scarf for practical reasons. AND I had a birthday. AND I hate Philadelphia. I'm just saying is all...

  17. *ahem* i'm still waiting for my hat with ear flaps.


    -el snarkster

  18. missy - get in line.

    snarky - i love you, but you already have TWO hats!!! i know you turned 30 and all, but AHEM!

  19. OK, OK, first off, I know there's a line and all for knitted items... but I'm cutting to the front of it. Charlie Schmarlie! He's, what, FOUR months old... whereas Ella is TEN months old... And STILL no hat, scarf, mittens, or even a tea cozy. Nada! She's not a big kiddo -- how long can a cardigan sweater with a hood take?! Just see how long you remain her favorite Auntie if this keeps up. ;)

    (Secondly, as an aside... and I could have posted this privately in an email, but given the regular grammatical discussions on this blog, I thought I'd post it publicly... As you're well aware, K, my family ALSO makes casual dinner conversation about grammar. As such, I know that one of my grandfather's biggest pet peeves is using a plural verb for the pronoun NONE [as in: given that i have three scarves in the works, none of which -- i should add -- are currently fucked up... ] Since "none" is essentially a contraction for "no one" or "not one," which are singular, the correct verb is also singular: none IS.

    I'm crawling back into my grammatical geek cave, thank you very much.)

    And, finally, I still am peeved that you continue to thrive in San Francisco, while I remain happily in New York. The LEAST you could do is work for an airline so that you could visit more often, and bring your half-finished gifts for Ella WITH you. Sheesh. :)

  20. OOOH! Even the comments for the knitting post are getting heated! K, you're gonna get a reputation as...The Instigator! (gator for short)

  21. ENOUGH ABOUT KNITTING...I want to hear more about the funny boy in your life and you falling on your ass...not knitting! :) I really get bummed when a day goes by without a new post from you.

  22. Ah knitting,
    The thing that I find interesting about knitting is that when you first start a project you're completely addicted and you're so excited about giving the blanket or whatever to whoever. But about 1/4 of the way through, you're so f*ing annoyed with the f*ing blanket that you don't care if you ever f*ing knit another blanket in you're whole life. So, instead of qutiing knitting all together, you simply start a NEW project. And soon you have about a half a dozen unfinished projects sitting around. And yo feel very unaccomplished. But sooner or later someone stops by and sees all your unfinished projects and says "Wow! You knit? Look at all this beautiful stuff! Can you knit me something?". And just like that - another project.
    I'm actually in a good place with my knitting right now. I'd love to swap patterns with you. I've got a pair of slippers you'll never take off (my grandmother's pattern) and a really great bulky sweater that I haven't started yet, but I hear is very easy.



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