Wait - What's My Motivation?

i need to re-re-re-commit. this is really bad. i'm probably where i was, weight-wise, after month one. it's been 2.5 months now and i am making no progress. THIS IS NOT OKAY.

sure, there was some personal drama and sure, i can chalk up some of my eating badly/not working out to many things...

but it's going to be april this week. april is spring. it's unavoidable. i need to get my ass in gear.

i need new motivators.

the boyfriend was quite a motivator, because i was pretty insecure about how he felt about me. but our relationship has changed, and my weight insecurities have changed with it. (i have nothing to prove to him anymore. not that that was healthy, but at least it was working.)

the idea of being single was also a pretty good motivator for me in the past, for obvious reasons. but i've come to realize that i'm not ready to put myself out there again yet...which means that i can get in shape and lose weight at my own pace.

the problem is that my own pace is too damn slow!

so yeah - it would be really handy if one of my friends could announce his/her engagement so that i could worry about fitting into a bridesmaid's dress and work towards that. but alas, no weddings are on my calendar.

i just don't work well when there's no deadline.

i'm open to suggestions.