Monday, March 14, 2005

The Fragile Female Ego

by now, you've likely realized that my ego -- as its related to my size -- is fragile indeed. the smallest compliment can make my whole week, and the slightest slight can haunt me for years.

[this doesn't mean my esteem is totally wrapped up in how attractive others find me, it just means i'm affected by it. i do know that my level of attractiveness is only one piece of my whole self and related esteem -- i'm just focusing on my appearance here for the sake of this blog.]

so on the down side: i went out on friday night with one of my girl friends, and we had a pretty good time. but i haven't been a single(ish) female out and about in ages. i forgot what the meat market is like. i forgot how it feels to put yourself out there and feel surrounded by women who are thinner and prettier than you and by men who are attractive but dumb, obnoxious, or on-the-prowl. overall it was fine, but i am not yet confident enough in/with my body to subject myself to that kind of attention...or lack thereof.

on the plus side: even given my frustrations with friday night and my less-than-expected weight loss, i have to say that my weekend was a success overall. i was given perhaps the best compliment ever by my non-boyfriend*. it was said off-handedly and was rather um, explicit (and therefore not repeatable -- hi, dad). but it was earnest, and unprompted, and made me feel better than i've felt about myself in a long time.

and i guess that's just how it goes. take the good with the bad, the discouraging moments with the encouraging ones, and try and do your best to make them balance out.



*"non-boyfriend" is the official title of my pseudo-ex, who is often otherwise referred to as The Boy. we are not exactly broken up, we're just not exactly together. technically, we are "dating."

3 comments:

  1. Do you even see comments posted to older entries? I hope so.

    I'm smitten with you.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Dont sweat it!!Someone loves you no matter what size you are.Like i tell
    some of the "Haters"(Hatefull peeps),
    Sure i need Love,Just not "Your"
    Love.

    ReplyDelete
  3. So sorry Kris...Hope you feel better.
    ""The final mystery is oneself." (Oscar Wilde, Irish Poet and Novelist, 1854-1900)""

    ReplyDelete