this is all intended as a smug, funnily self-deprecating outlet for detailing my current attempt at weight loss. along the way, i am making mention of things that have affected my perceptions about me and my size. this means that:
- a. it's not to be taken so seriously, except maybe for undercurrents; and
- b. i don't care if it happened 15 years ago or yesterday, things that have contributed to my "weight awareness" have been going on my whole life; i can have "let go" of them without forgetting them, and if i bring it up here, it's to make a point.
i do not have any problem with skinny women. i want to be one of them! the thing is, i will probably never be "skinny" exactly, so if there is a note of "i hate them" in my writings, it's out of resignation and envy. i *am* sometimes insulting other women to feel better about myself, but only in the most obvious, non-threatening, i-really-don't-mean-it-i'm-being-immature way.
look, i love men and cherish the relationships i have and have had with them. however, i constantly announce that "i hate boys" and that "boys are dumb." because that is also true. see how it works?
now if you'll excuse me, i'll return to throwing things at my coworker, who is the most adorable tiny thing on the planet.