I am shocked and awed and amazed and inspired and also sort of feel like I've been kicked in the gut.
I didn't know.
So yep. My sort-of* blog friend, Laurie, announced on Monday that she'd written a book. And there it is in all its glory.
Our Crazy Aunt Purl is a fantastic writer. She's a gifted blogger and designer, too. And I had no doubt she'd write a book, or that the book would be well received.
I can't really get my arms around the fact that she's gone and done it. Just, poof! (Not that it didn't take work to write it, just that, whoosh! Time flies and we didn't even know she was working on it and then suddenly here it is. Ta da!)
And...even though the book doesn't come out until October, it's already up for pre-sale on Amazon. And it is kicking ass!
That's just amazing.
Also, her publisher is the same one who produces all the Chicken Soup books, and so I really don't have much doubt that Laurie will end up on Oprah before we know it. She's just that good, and just that fun and funny and inspirational and worthy.
And thus, we come to the point of the entry where I mope and whine and share my hideous feelings of jealousy and embarrassment.
I have been crying since I saw her entry.
I mean, I haven't sorted all my feelings out yet, but not only is this amazing and wonderful, it also emphasizes how much I haven't done and can't seem to do and in three seconds, I went from feeling positive to dealing with a raging sense of insecurity. My mind races --
"Why haven't I...?"
"Why don't I...?"
"When will I...?"
"Could I ever...?"
"I will never..."
"And even if I did, it would never be as good."
Oof. That last one there. That's a bitch to get around, but that is what this knot in my stomach is all about.
From the recesses of myself, the voice is there: "Well, there you go. Whatever it is you thought you were doing? She's done it. She's done it well. And she's done it better than you ever could. There is no point in you even trying. Why don't you take up some other hobby? I hear golf is nice."
But of course, there's this aspect, too, lifted right (um, hi) from Laurie's own blog entry on this very topic:
What if, indeed.
So rather than blather on about this before I have any sort of perspective, I'd love to hear from you. How do you find inspiration, what makes you keep trying, what gives you the motivation to pursue something you're deathly afraid of failing at?
*"sort of" = I do a lot of stalking, and she basically lets me. :)