Fun On The Sperm Farm

I know that after my last post about fertility and ovulation and all things reproductive, you might think that this post -- what with that humdinger of a title* -- is related.

It's not.

It's just the funniest subject of spam email I've seen in a long, long time. I could not help but laugh at my screen.
[Which I love doing when I'm home alone in my apartment with cats, just laughing. Ahahahaha. I suspect soon the neighbors' kids will start throwing rocks at me and next thing you know, the townsfolk will blame their dead crops on my sorcery.]

And I know I shouldn't entertain these thoughts, but just what kind of animals do you think Old McDonald has on his sperm farm anyway? I found myself wondering.

And then -- I couldn't help it -- the song started in my head, and before I knew it, I'd found a way to make it dirty.

Old McDonald had a Sperm Farm, ee-i-ee-i...

...o. Face.

(Hi, is it Friday yet?)

So okay. Maybe it's that I did something stupid, karmically speaking. I mean, I went and told the whole innernets about my upcoming ovulation (ceeeeeelebrate good times, come on!), so I guess I sort of put it out there to the universe.

And so I guess the universe responded to my wanton, currently useless fertility the best way it knew how: with porn.

See, in addition to the Sperm Farm-tastic message of this afternoon, last night I received an erroneous PORNOGRAPHIC TEXT MESSAGE. Which is kind of awesome in its utter ridiculousness.

But yeah. Um. Did you know this? That people of the world are out there sending pornographic texts? USING TEXT SHORTHAND?

Universe, you have some explaining to do.

Unless of course the universe is responding with porn silliness STRICTLY so that I can post it on my blog. In which case, Universe, I totally get you.

And also in which case I should, without further ado, give to you -- verbatim -- the ERRONEOUS PORN TEXT MESSAGE I received (with my deletions):
no!!!! just tryin to give u a visual of me lickin ur c - - - so that would mean that my d - - - would be around ur feet and u could be feelin my d - - - with ur feet!!!
* * * * *

Wow, huh?

Anyone want to guess what the question he was saying "no!!!!" to was? Hmm?

Just, wow.

I especially like the clever, oh-so-sexy use of the word "u" and "ur." But maybe that's just my over-eager ovaries talkin.

*Heh. I said humdinger.


  1. and on that sperm farm he had a sperm cow....
    Then suddenly, bovine growth hormone became DISTANT second on the list of things I least want in my milk. Thanks Kiki.

  2. I love how he said that his d--- would be around (h)ur feet. While he may have meant that it would be around, as in "in the general vicinity," I am picturing this all-encompassing d--- that is engulfing the poor girl's feet. And despite (oh, who am I kidding, *because of*) the fact that the second is so very disturbing, it is by far my favorite option.

  3. The English love texting. It's ridiculous and I will admit (as I am anonymous, mwhaha) that I have had a dirty text conversation with an extremely HOT English bloke. I thought it was a bit silly and unremoved but kept the texts as they are vaguely arousing.

  4. Ericha2@yahoo.com9:05 AM, April 20, 2007

    I am sooo glad I'm the only one in my office right now because I was laughing so hard I almost peed my pants. That would be hard to explain to my boss.

    Thanks for the Friday morning levity. It made my long, hard day start off on a high note.

  5. ericha2...said long hard day..heh.

    Also my favorite word especially when used Tom Robbins style as in Herpetolical Humdingery re: all the naughtiness that got eve and adam tossed out of eden on their keisters.

  6. Hi! I enjoy reading your blog and thought I'd tell you about a new feature on my blog called Courting Predicament. I present dating conundrums and hope for lots of feedback on the matter. I'd love to hear from your readers!

  7. Since you got the text message, you could also reply to it. Consider the opportunity you have to start a conversation of sorts with your anonymous-but-for-a-phone-number texter.

    Ohhhh. ur fine. i rilly wana roll wit u. 8pm?


  8. Hahaha. I found your blog through a comment on Jurgen Nation and just had to find out what exactly you were telling the world about your ovaries.

    And I'm not sure if I am really tired, or if this is really that good but I don't remember the last time I laughed so hard, out loud, at a blog that I'd never heard of before.

    And I LOVE dj's idea about texting back. And holy crap, who TEXTS THAT STUFF??? See? This is your way of finding out for us, and then posting it here... Cuz now we gotta know, ya know?

  9. alow me 2 strok ur ego and tell u what a f-in awesum post that wuz. LYL. lets git nekid.

  10. You get *that* and all I got was a snail mail offer for a discounted subscription to Hustler magazine.


    A girl can't win.

  11. Ha! I would love to be a fly on the wall when that guy asks his girlfriend if she got his "hot" text message and she responds "What text?"

  12. i haven't received porn text, i did get a rather interesting offer on my cell's voice mail from a wrong number. when i saw a number i didn't know i let it go to vm. later i heard a deep voice saying sorry he misdialed but i sound like "a sexy white woman" that he wanted to meet. and do other things to. yep, explained in detail what he wanted to do to me. even left his phone number.

    at least some things are good for a laugh.

  13. Just looking at your title I can't stop myself from laughing but I'm glad you stated it clearly why you choose that kind of title:)

    I haven't experience receiving any porn text message from unknown number and what is his/her purpose on doing this stupid stuff.
    Gobless you always K!


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