Fun On The Sperm Farm

I know that after my last post about fertility and ovulation and all things reproductive, you might think that this post -- what with that humdinger of a title* -- is related.

It's not.

It's just the funniest subject of spam email I've seen in a long, long time. I could not help but laugh at my screen.

[Which I love doing when I'm home alone in my apartment with cats, just laughing. Ahahahaha. I suspect soon the neighbors' kids will start throwing rocks at me and next thing you know, the townsfolk will blame their dead crops on my sorcery.]

And I know I shouldn't entertain these thoughts, but just what kind of animals do you think Old McDonald has on his sperm farm anyway? I found myself wondering.

And then -- I couldn't help it -- the song started in my head, and before I knew it, I'd found a way to make it dirty.

Old McDonald had a Sperm Farm, ee-i-ee-i...

...o. Face.

(Hi, is it Friday yet?)

So okay. Maybe it's that I did something stupid, karmically speaking. I mean, I went and told the whole innernets about my upcoming ovulation (ceeeeeelebrate good times, come on!), so I guess I sort of put it out there to the universe.

And so I guess the universe responded to my wanton, currently useless fertility the best way it knew how: with porn.

See, in addition to the Sperm Farm-tastic message of this afternoon, last night I received an erroneous PORNOGRAPHIC TEXT MESSAGE. Which is kind of awesome in its utter ridiculousness.

But yeah. Um. Did you know this? That people of the world are out there sending pornographic texts? USING TEXT SHORTHAND?

Universe, you have some explaining to do.

Unless of course the universe is responding with porn silliness STRICTLY so that I can post it on my blog. In which case, Universe, I totally get you.

And also in which case I should, without further ado, give to you -- verbatim -- the ERRONEOUS PORN TEXT MESSAGE I received (with my deletions):

no!!!! just tryin to give u a visual of me lickin ur c - - - so that would mean that my d - - - would be around ur feet and u could be feelin my d - - - with ur feet!!!

* * * * *

Wow, huh?

Anyone want to guess what the question he was saying "no!!!!" to was? Hmm?

Just, wow.

I especially like the clever, oh-so-sexy use of the word "u" and "ur." But maybe that's just my over-eager ovaries talkin.





*Heh. I said humdinger.