Sunday, April 08, 2007

Hirsute

Anonymous said...

what happend you used to be so very entertaining now.......uuuummmmjust a bore what gives.....what did you do with Kristy and when is she comeing back

8:30 PM, April 06, 2007

* * *

Hmm.

I get the feeling we're supposed to read this phoenetically. And if that's correct, I am going to have to assume that "comeing" is pronounced with a long O. Which means the correct spelling should have been "combing."

And thusly translated, I believe Anon 8:30 wants to know if the reason I'm not more entertaining is because the real me has been locked away, combing backs.

Which I think is both a thoughtful and amazingly intuitive concern.

Because you see, faithful readers, Anon 8:30 is right. The real reason my blog isn't better?

I spend all of my time combing Ish's back hair.

When we first started dating, I tried to ignore the long, golden locks flowing from his shoulder blades. But as happens, once we were out of that mooney-eyed, love-struck phase of the relationship and onto the pimple-popping, you-might-not-want-to-go-near-the-bathroom-for-a-while phase, the back hair needed to be addressed.

He tried shaving it, but he could only reach the top half of his back, and not very well at that. Then he offered to have me use the electric razor. And I did. Except of course this just made the hair grow back longer and thicker and fuller than before. And the more I shaved it, the faster it would return.


Eventually, we gave up trying to get rid of the hair, and decided to simply enjoy it for what it is.

Sometimes I braid it. Sometimes I use mousse. Sometimes, when we're feeling really crazy, I'll apply a liberal dose of Sun-In and Ish will spend the afternoon walking around the Tenderloin shirtless and saying "dude" a lot.

Oh, and there was that one time we went to the 80s party and I went hog-wild with the crimping iron and Aqua Net.

So. Since I'm spending all my off-hours as Ish's personal back-hair stylist, I hardly have a moment to spare on blogging. Let alone on being "very entertaining."

I hope you can understand. And I thank you, Anonymous 8:30, for bringing this matter to light.

13 comments:

  1. Now that was funny and hopefully will entertain your anon 8:30 for awhile. Was there wine involved?

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  2. I think I saw Ish last week when I was in San Francisco walking around the "Loin" shirtless...his golden locks wafting in the breeze...ewwwwwww

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  3. See, I must have the lowest entertainment thresshold known to man, because I enjoy everything you write ! And if your blog is so boring, why does he (she ?) keep comeing back to read more ? ;-)

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  4. And I must confess ... though the misspelling of "comeing" was intentional, I do totally suck and misspelled "thresshold" by mistake. Gaaak !!

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  5. Ha Ha Ha now thats what I wanted...... you took the fact that I am too stupid to check my own spelling before I posted to totally make me look like a fool (I love you for that) yes its me Anon 8:30 and yes I was haveing a crappy weekend and you put a great big smile on my face....yes I will always come back bad spellin and all


    whats the saying "hukt on fonix wirks fer me"

    Have a great day and enjoy life

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  6. Hee...

    That was damned funny.

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  7. Crimping is SO where it's at! ;)

    How did we guess the comment would be from anonymous? So telling . . .

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  8. Kristy - I think maybe your blogging has slowed down because you're a little happier now? I could be totally wrong...but things seem to be going your way lately...Unfortunately, and for all of us, the best writing seems to spring from a place of pain -

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  9. am i the only one who found the cat pee tape deterrent thing hilarious? c'mon, people! this is funny stuff here.

    blog on, kiki. about whatever the hell you want.

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  10. I kinda miss your more meaningful posts, to be honest...

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  11. monique - hard to believe, but i was neither drunk nor hungover when i wrote this.

    kristin - there is no way to explain the ways of the come-ers. and a typo is totally different than not knowing how to spell.

    anon 8:30 - i'm happy to hear it. :)

    nbr - i appreciate that. sometimes i never know. sarcasm isn't always the easiest thing to convey.

    kris - did you ever use Pizazz mousse?

    dena - it's possible. or i'm blocking.

    anon 9:57 - and so i shall. cat pee and all.

    anon 3:12 - you know what? me, too. they're hard to start and hard to put out there. but i'll keep trying. thanks for the feedback.

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  12. Everyone's a critic.

    I don't understand anonymous commenters. If you're going to express an opinion, you should be able to back it up with your identity. An anonymous commenter gets the merest millisecond of my time on my site.

    Unless they are particularly stupid or offensive, then I like to bat them around until I bore of the game and finally rip their heads off and leave the bloody carcass on the doorstep.

    I learned that from my cat.

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  13. in that case Jester - you'll love the popular site: www.violent acres.com

    K - what is your take on that whole thing, since you do work for BlogHer now and you're an insider ;)

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