Saturday, December 16, 2006

Eight Is A Lot Of Legs, David

Ahhhhh.

(Please note: that is a relaxed Ahhhhh sound, not to be mistaken for an AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! which one might expect me to be hurling around here given that Christmas is just over a week away and right.)

I spent today shopping and wrapping and finally had an opportunity to put Love Actually* on. This means it's offically the Christmas season and I'm ready to get festive.

My ghetto tree is decorated and standing and lit, and I'm finding it highly enjoyable that my cats are stupid.

Seriously. My cats are so used to being naughty and eating any growing plantlike thing that comes into this apartment that they keep trying to SNEAK EAT my fake tree.

What am I supposed to do with that?

And you know what I mean by the "sneak eat" right?

It's a move I have seen more dogs perform than cats, actually. You know, where their head is dangerously close to a table that has food on it, but the dog knows it's not allowed to eat that food. So the dog just sits there, pretending not to drool, giving you a look that says, "I'm suuuuuuuch a good dog, and I'm sooooooooo sweet and see how well I'm behaving and not eating anything? See? See? Can I be rewarded with food now?"

And you think "My God, I am a good dog trainer."

And then you turn your head to talk to someone else, and the dog will watch you and then carefully, oh-so-casually leeeeeeeeaan its head toward the food and carefully, oh-so-casually extend its tongue out of its snout and carefully, oh-so-casually lick the food into its mouth and chew it quietly so as not to disturb your conversation.

THAT kind of sneak eat.

My cats do essentially the same thing with flower arrangements. They stalk the arrangements very quietly, keeping an eye on me. They sit close to the flowers and then just stare at me, waiting for them to notice how good they're being. "Huh? What? I'm just sitting." And so I look away and the next thing I know they're snarfing down potentially poisonous leaves.

As a side note, I do hope my cats never die from this habit. I used to think that cats had some instinct about which leafy things would be poisonous and which wouldn't, but that was before I discovered my cats trying to eat my PLASTIC TREE. And dear Darwin in heaven, I have discovered my cats trying to eat my plastic tree MORE THAN ONCE.

The point is, I finally feel like it's Christmas. I feel like I'm not quite as behind as I felt last week.

This year, I have even managed to buy and wrap and package and ship (well, almost, we're working on it) gifts for my Family/Friends in New York who might well have a group heart attack upon receipt of said gifts. Mostly my gifts to them are sporadic at best, and I think ONE year I got ONE of them something in time for Christmas morning.

I have known them my whole life.

So they may well wonder what has gotten into me, what with gifts for them in time for December 25** except they will probably feel somewhat assured when they realize my package includes wedding gifts for Hakuna.

For the record, Hakuna was married in October of 2004. I have had one gift for her since August of 2004, and one since November of 2005. Merry Christmas, 2006!

Also for the record, Hukuna and her daughter (my best friend, Em) manage to send wonderful, indulgent and thoughtful gifts to my entire family, every year, on time. Including the year Em HAD A BABY ONE WEEK BEFORE CHRISTMAS.***

How do you have any kind of excuse in return?

"Oh, um, hi...yeah...with um, the mess that I am and cats and um...problem with the yarn...wine..."

Right.

But this year there are signs that I am finally getting my act together just a little bit. And that? THAT is worth celebrating.




*The title of my post is a silly quote from the movie, Love Actually.

**I am entirely tempting fate by writing this post because, while all things are purchased and wrapped, they have not yet Shipped Actually.

***She had her second baby this past week. Couldn't not say anything, but it/she/they deserve their own post. :)

15 comments:

  1. Carolyn and I opted to go ahead and decorate our tree with cat toys. It has been so much fun watching them bat toys out of the tree, attack the tree, and sneak attack each other from beneath the tree. And unlike last year, there's no stressful worries that an ornament with sentimental value will get broken by a frisky kitty. Unfortunately, I do not own (nor do I have any wish to own) a video camera, so my other idea about filming their antics and scoring the resulting footage with "The Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies" has come to naught.

    P.S. Hey, did you know that if you type the security word verification in the "Your web page" field that IT DOESN'T WORK? Imagine!

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  2. Congratulations on getting your gifts together!

    Ah, Love Actually! That is my favorite Christmas movie! Oh, I'm going to have to put it in the DVD player right now, and watch it while Ithink about how I still need to send out Christmas cards...

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  3. I remain in denial about Christmas.

    It is not coming in a week. I do not need to do any shopping. I do not need to do any cleaning before guests arrive. I do not need to decorate anything, grocery shop, or make a list. I do not need to organize, purchase, ship, or otherwise prepare anything.

    Lah Dee Dah.

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  4. My cats are city condo cats. They only eat fake plants, flowers and trees. So only the real stuff is safe.

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  5. I LOVE that movie!!!

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  6. Just found your blog last night, and I must say that it's a pleasure to meet you. I'm far away from my family too, and right now I'm looking at a stack of gifts for half of them...nowhere near a shipping box either. Maybe next year. Or at least by the time my 7-year-old niece graduates high school. Gotta have goals.

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  7. just in cases...

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  8. my cell phone ringtone is "All I Want for Christmas is You". I'm VERY much in the holiday spirit. Nothing is wrapped yet and my apartment is a mess but my tree is up and we finally got a tree topper. Last year's star fizzled out on us so we went to Target last night and braved the crowds and found the only tree topper left. It doesn't quite fit our tree theme but the hell with it.

    "Let's go get the shit kicked out of us by love."

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  9. That's the best movie ever!

    Did you know there are two versions? The version they showed in Brittian had more critical things to say about America and the president then the American one. Those scenes with BBT were longer.

    I bet all of that is in the special features, and you're going, "Duh, Jenny!" I haven't seen it since the theater but now I want to! What wonderful movie with a lovely message.

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  10. K, I hope you don't mind me plugging my blog here, but I DID manage to snap a very blurry shot of one of our cats pouncing on the Christmas tree from the stairs and knocking it over last night, which I posted on my site this morning. (http://www.salvatorefalco.com/)

    Wow, that's quite the run-on sentence there.

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  11. Your cats kill me. That's hilarious!

    My cats sneak pee. They slink around sniffing, and if I see them they walk quickly away like they were just checking things out. Bastards.

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  12. To this day, I maintain that my wife dragged me kicking and screaming to Love Actually when it was in the theatres. In reality, I was doing a fair bit of laughing hysterically (perhaps with some kicking and maybe, just maybe some screaming) at the dialogue in the first half of the movie.

    But shhh, don't tell anyone I likes me a good chick flick.

    (Oh, I was brought here via Indiebloggers, in case you're wondering)

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  14. Haha, Kristy - My cat tries to eat the plastic tree too... to the exclusion of trying to eat the actual, live tree. She does drink the water out of the tree stand though. This is apparently much more delicious than her bowl of fresh, clean water in the kitchen.

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  15. I am not even sure how I found your blog.

    So here I am clicking away and laughing and then I hot your "Favorite Posts" and started reading "Divorce".

    I am just spent. Done. Wiped out. How did I go from laughing about cats sneak-eating to quietly wiping tears away, so quickly? Damn, you can write. So glad I found you.

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