Friday, December 01, 2006

14

No, I am not referring to my mental age, though I appreciate you going there.

No, I am not referring to my clothing size because we are not discussing weight, size, poundage, heft, bulk, disgrace, working out, or fat or calories until (probably) after the holidays because I just do NOT have the bandwidth. I lost basically no weight in 2006 and don't think that's going to change between now -- DECEMBER, by the way -- and New Year's. Because with turkey and eggnog and the fact that I'm spending Christmas with my family and my cousin Nate who once dubbed himself Boozy Clause, it's just not realistic.

I guess my "No Joy in '06" plan -- the plan wherein I was going to rein in my spending and my eating and hunker down and grow up -- worked VERY WELL except for the weight part. Which was kind of the whole fucking point. So oops and we'll have to come up with something catchy for '07.

Anyway.

14 is the number of degrees it is threatening to be at some point next Tuesday when I am in Chicago.

[Attn: BlogHer babes -- going to Chicago to scout venues for us to rock the uber BlogHer Con '07. Woo to the oot!]


That's like, barely more degrees than I can count on my fingers and you know what also isn't cute? When one of the venue ladies you're going to meet with adds a P.S. in her email that says, "Bring your snow boots!"

Snow boots?

I did grow up in a land where it snowed and so I mean, I am not oblivious to this sort of thing, but I live in California now. Where, sure, it gets damn cold but that doesn't mean we stop wearing our flip-flops.

I'm not really sure what the point of this entry is, other than to share that I am going to Chicago next week on a business trip and feel very grown up about it. Especially because I was adult enough to get my winter coat over to the dry cleaners this morning after I realized that it was:
A. the only nice, business-ish coat I own; and
B. covered in splattered ketchup

True, I'm not sure how showing up with a ketchup-splattered coat could be any less professional than having my cat hock up a hairball while on the phone with the vendor I'll be visiting, but you know. Appearances and all that.

In case you're wondering about the ketchup, I will tell you. A few nights ago, I was out grabbing a quick bite with Ish. And the "quick bite" involved being at a hamburger joint that had one of those push-down-on-the-plastic-spout tubs of ketchup I have managed to use without incident my whole life. Ish sidled right up to it and pushed down and got a simple, easy, steady stream of ketchup.

But.

Then I used it. And while I didn't push too hard or fast or uncarefully, my breezy elegance must have sent a secret message to the tub that I had been condiment-free for like, a whole week and so it decided to do its civic duty and clog, suddenly. And then unclog, suddenly.

*SPLAT*

Ketchup droplets all over my shirt. All over the insides of my pink coat. (Yes, I said INSIDES. Outside alone wouldn't be enough.)

I just looked up at Ish, who said reflexively, "Awww, sweetie." And then laughed at me.

This is how it goes all the time. We've had practice. I spill / trip / fall / drip. I look at Ish. He says "Awww, sweetie" and then tries not to laugh too hard while mopping me up.

It reminds me, actually, of my brilliant friend Missy, who said to me once, "My husband just sort of follows me around with paper towels."


But did I mention? 14 degrees? Oh, and SNOWING? At least my coat will be clean.

I wonder which pair of flip-flops will go best.

12 comments:

  1. Ooh Kristy! I'm so excited for you! I assume connectivity will be one of the key issues on your list. You know, so we can actually BLOG from the blogging conference? Crazy idea, I know.

    ReplyDelete
  2. You know I have to say that since I've become a 'grown up' I too seem to have become the slob. Of course having a shelf of boobs doesn't help. As I told my hubby when I last let drip the salsa on my shirt, its not like I can suck them back out of the way!

    Have a great trip to Chicago, try to keep warm!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I had to go to Indiana once on business.

    In January. It was 8 degrees out.

    Any state where people can ice fish is NOT the state for me.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Jenny - you would be surprised (and I'm learning) how few places/companies/ANYTHINGS can handle 700 powerusers at one time. but i refuse to believe it's impossible. and also, YAY!

    ros - one of the commenters here ages ago said she and her girlfriends refer to the girls as their "condimental shelf". hahahahha...

    carolyn - and also? ice fishing is not a sport. :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Aw sweetie is better than my husband's reaction. He rolls his eyes at me, sighs and then tries to ignore what's whats going on.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Location: slightly west of Chicago
    Temperature: 27 degrees
    On the ground? 12 inches of snow

    We survive it every year. The last few years have been very mild. And the snow is beautiful.

    Tips: Forget the flip flops (yes, I know you were kidding). By next week the snow will be totally clear from streets and sidewalks in the city, so boots may not really be necessary. However, the biggest nemisis is salt. Wipe salt stains off shoes with vinegar water (seriously). Three essentials? Scarf, gloves or mittens, hat. Keep your head and ears warm and the rest of the body adapts.

    Chicago is a lovely city and is especially pretty this time of year with snow and holiday decorations and skating at Millenium Park. Enjoy.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I just read my hubby your portion about the great ketchup explosion. Mostly because I was laughing so hard I was crying and he needed to know why. And then he laughed because that sort of scene is all to familiar to him because he is married to me.

    Then he states, "You know, you two should never meet and be alone in the same room together because god only knows what might happen if one of you got near liquid, sharp objects or your own feet."

    ReplyDelete
  8. to be fair, i think healy coined the term boozy clause. not sure about that, though.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Yeah I just got back to Chicago from Maui... I think I need to go back.

    And I would agree with the hat/gloves/scarf comment... never before I moved here did I have a set of matching hat/gloves/scarf and now I have like 6 sets... they are cute accessories!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Ok, Splurg on so WARM, I mean REALLY WARM Socks. I live in Chicago and had to wait for the "el" today (outside, in the cold) for 20 mins. I'm starting to regain feeling in my toes. So yeah, warm socks are good. And if you have them, wear a pair of tights under your jeans/pants. It will keep you warm!

    Where are you planning to go when you get here? If you need any suggestions, just let me know!

    IIF from Chi-town,
    Anne

    And PS right now it is 19 degrees out, but the windchill (aka what it actually feels like when the cold-ass wind is blowing in your face) is 5 degrees. No, not celcius. :(

    ReplyDelete
  11. You're coming to Chicago next week? Cool, wanna hang out? (I know you will be busy with business, so of course I won't pester you to hang out, but if you should want to, please do drop me a line.)

    Keys to surviving Chicago in winter: lip balm and moisturizer

    ReplyDelete
  12. Anne and Diana,

    HOW could I have forgotten warm socks, lip balm, and moisturizer? I must have been delusional.

    I once went to Caswell Massey in NYC and bought 20 of their Vitamin E lip balm. There is now one in every drawer, nook, conceivable purse/wallet/backpack I own.

    ReplyDelete