And The Year Of "No Joy" Comes To A Close

So very much to write about.

In an unplanned and yet very-good-for-me kind of way, I have spent almost no time online in the last 11 or so days. Nearly two weeks! I abandoned email, blogging (reading and posting), and various other time sinks (however awesome they may be) and spent time in the real, flesh-and-blood world. I reconnected with my family, spent good, quality time with Ish, and took some big relaxing breaths.

A lot has happened. I have a lot to share. I haven't written much of substance in a long time, and not because I haven't been thinking it...but because it's big.

Just one example - my family had to clean out and sell my dad's house. Dealing with the finality of both my parents being gone has been difficult enough for all of us, but dealing with the insipid and insensitive details of paperwork and finances and oh, my father's debts. After months and months, my sisters and aunt and cousins and friends and almost-mom-in-law took what we wanted of memories and knick-knacks and furniture and said goodbye to everything else.

I only wanted the photos, and so one day, not long before the crazy holiday season started, I got them. Two big boxes full of memories of my family and parents. Meaningful, and sad. And then buried in the boxes were some things of my mom's from years ago. Love letters she wrote to and received from men long before she met my dad.

How do you process that? Dad's gone. The house is gone. It comes down to two boxes, and one of them includes secrets and details about a woman's life I didn't know nearly enough about.

I still don't write about my mom here very often. There's a whole lot to say.

The year wasn't all bad, though. I don't mean to give that impression. It's just that the hard things are really difficult to write. I never know where to start. My relationship with Ish is fantastic, but it's scary and hard, too. He is going through a divorce and that puts me in a very difficult space, because I want to tell you all about my scared-ness, but have to be respectful, too.

Maybe I can now. Maybe this year will be the year to start.

Wow. "This" year.

So 2007. Lots of posts coming. Lots of reflection, lots of funny. Lots of not holding back.

For now, though? For tonight? Lots of staying in and celebrating life and love. Lots of champagne, too.

Happy New Year!