Monday, July 31, 2006

Thank You

Well THAT was totally overwhelming.

The long and the short of it is that I’m still trying to piece together what all happened on Saturday, as BlogHer was very cool but also OH MY GOD. SO many women! Who are smart! And BLOG! And nice! And pretty! And smart! SO MANY OF THEM.

And basically, I was totally unprepared. But live and learn, right? Or is that now: “live and learn and blog”? Whatever.

I did manage to do the few things I most wanted to do.

I knew Whinger was going, and I got to spend a sufficient amount of time with her being appropriately snarky. I say “appropriately snarky” because much of the event left little to be snarky about. Only occasionally did a corporate sponsor get up and “present” something that seemed out of place (and slightly condescending).

I also got to meet two of my no-longer invisible Internet friends and that is always cool. Shawn lives locally to the conference and was amazingly diligent in providing rum and (diet) cokes for the occasion. She’s fun and enthusiastic and…I dunno, it makes it special to meet people you only otherwise know virtually. Likewise, I got to meet Jenny, who’s another reader and commenter I’ve corresponded with for months. She’s adorable and glamorous, which is probably why SHE knew what to do when in the presence of greatness...

...unlike me.

Right. So here is the part of the post where I mention all the ridiculous things I did to embarrass myself at this conference.

For one thing, I didn’t charge my phone and...uh...well YOU try and coordinate where you’ll meet up with your friends when the hotel is spread out over roughly 3 million acres and 283 break-out rooms with a pool somewhere in the middle but you can’t get to it because where was it again? And tell me, where exactly is room 9122? WHERE??? Because up the stairs where you told me to go? All those rooms are in the 2200s.

Oh? What’s that you say, amazing blogger who founded a Katrina rescue operation out of your home, who I stopped to ask directions from before realizing I was in the presence of greatness? What’s that? I’m holding the envelope with my room key upside down? And maybe it’s room 2216? Oh, thank you.

Also, I need to not talk.

I hate to admit this even to myself, but everyone who knows me in real life knows that I am quite possibly the LEAST ARTICULATE woman on the face of the planet. Writing? That’s awesome because of this here EDIT screen and also backspace and my best friend, CTRL+Z.

But my inarticulateness zooms up a few notches when I’m meeting people for the first time (which would explain probably why I think I frightened many, many women away) but even more so – apparently – when I’m meeting “famous” people. For example.

Whinger and I selected our first session and entered the conference room somewhat early. It was hot and it was going to be crowded, since the topic of Mommy Blogging is rather central to the BlogHer world. So as we’re sitting watching the room fill up and feeling the temperature rise, Whinger leans over to me and, in a quiet voice, sort of nods her head backwards and says “look behind you.”

I did not in any way understand what this – the UNIVERSAL CODE for I DON’T WANT TO DRAW ATTENTION TO MYSELF – meant, so I had to ask her to repeat herself roughly five times. What? Who? Someone’s here? What are you doing? What are you pointing at? This eventually devolved into a muffled near-shout of “KRISTY. HEATHER. BEHIND YOU.” Which started me thinking that maybe I should turn around, but I still was a little unclear so finally Whinger just gave up, straightened up, and in a plain voice just said, “DOOCE.”

Sure enough, Dooce was sitting two rows behind me, all of three feet away. I sprang from my chair and almost collapsed with excitement. I watched first, as Whinger elegantly introduced herself and said something brief and articulate, like, “You are amazing.”

And then I walked up to her and fell completely apart. I basically hurled verbal vomit onto the woman I consider one of the greatest bloggers who has ever lived.

What did I say exactly? Oh, I have no idea. I was just hearing words come out of my mouth and couldn’t figure out a way to make them stop and kept trying to make it better by saying more, which of course only made it worse. And it kept going and going until at some point, I may have just walked away. I don’t even know.

But THEN I realized I had a camera with me and that Whinger had to take a picture of me with Heather and that began a whole new awkward series of exchanges.

I re-approached Heather who probably just wanted to be left alone by Crazy me, and she agreed to a photo but then Whinger couldn’t get my camera to work because it had been set* to some incomprehensible mode and so she had to try about three different times. This resulted in one “successful” photo: an image of me looking imploringly at Whinger, clearly wondering why she can’t get the camera to work, and Heather looking like she needs to move far, far away from Crazy and Crazy’s “special” camera. As soon as possible.

Of course, I cannot post this either because my camera batteries died. But it’s FABULOUS.

At least I learned** that I should PREPARE what I’m going to say before approaching someone I admire. Otherwise I might repeat that sort of embarrassment and do something stupid like walk right up to Arianna Huffington and ask to shake her hand and look her right in the eye and say…

...uh...

...ohfuck...say something...don’t say anything like what you said to Dooce...say something nice...

...“thank you.”

Perhaps an improvement, but perhaps not so much.

Anyway, there are about a million more things I could relate about the event, but it’s a little overwhelming to try and do at once. Overall it was pretty cool, and I will try and be prepared if I go again next time.




*fucked up

**clearly I did not “learn” fast enough

20 comments:

  1. LUCKY!

    If it had been me in the presence of Heather Armstrong, I would have done exactly the same thing and I'd have been berating myself for days and days afterwards.

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  2. YOu are funny! I loved meeting you and possibly because we were so drunk allowing you to stroke my arm. And when I say so drunk....I mean you know more drinking then I've done in three years..please forgive me.

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  3. YAY! It was awesome meeting you, too! I wanted to email you before linking to you, but hadn't gotten that far yet.

    Also, I had no idea you were drunk. You hold it very well. :)

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  4. Is it bad do say I do not know who any of these people are. Well, Huffington I've heard of.

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  5. How funny are you! I'm so jealous. You know, given that you have IIFs, that makes you famous. I'm sure Dooce was like, THE she walks? NO WAY!

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  6. It's a little strange to idolize someone who blogs. She's just a lady with a kid and a husband who writes witty little snippets. "Greatest blogger who ever lived" is similarly ridiculous, given that blogging is a relatively young phenomenon and there's no possible way you could read them all.

    Not to diminish your experience- meeting anyone whose writing you like is great- but christ, there's no need to get speechless over a blog. Save that for someone who's actually DONE something.

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  7. Anon 3:16,

    Ignoring that I'm prone to hyperbole for a moment, I DO think of Heather as I would any "famous writer" because that's what she is. (And I would be just as awkward trying to speak to any famous writer I liked and enjoyed.)

    I think being a good enough writer to garner the readership that she has, to have the following she has, to be able to make a living at it as she has...I dunno, I think she HAS done something.

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  8. Did I ever tell you about the time I met Michelle Pfeifer, and my comment to her was that "Grease II is one of my favorite movies because of how cheesy it is" ?

    And then I asked her if she knew Emma Thompson.

    d'oh!

    Can I have a do-over, please?

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  9. damn, makes me sorry i missed it.

    because -- and i'm totally serious here -- you and dooce inspired me to start blogging. you have both made me laugh AND cry.

    no, really.

    here's to some other drunken event in the future....!

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  10. hi califskip! I am Jenny and there is no reason that you shoud know who I am!

    Hi k! You are so funny. I am so glad that I am no longer imaginary. I am sorry I missed the arm stroking with Brit, though.

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  11. Sure, Dooce is usually a good read, probably because her writing rarely seems forced. It's never particularly obvious that she's trying to be funny or cute or dramatic and unless she specifically asks for feedback, she doesn't seem to be blogging for attention.

    I have to agree 100% with Anon 3:16, though. I'm sure it was a thrill for you to meet an "idol", but Dooce is, after all, just one of countless bloggers and while her readership is perhaps substantial in blogdom, it is, nonetheless, a far cry from that of "famous" non-blog writers.

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  12. Oh Kiki ~

    Thanks for the laugh this morning. You are so deliciously human, that's what we love about you.

    ~Tonya

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  13. You and Dooce are both my idols. I would stammer like that if I met you and then you could blog about the crazy girl that is worse than you...

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  14. I think about it ahead of time, ever since I met Patti Smith after a concert in 2000. She was my total hero at the time and inspired me to start writing poetry, which was really important to me and a big part of who I was and how I thought of myself. I went up and the first thing out of my mouth was "I'm a really big fan," which I had literally sworn to myself to never say to anyone because it sounds so meaningless and idiotic. Then she shook my hand, which was really cool, and afterwards I basically just stared at her and waited for something else to happen. When she just looked back and seemed to get somewhat uncomfortable/confused, I turned around and left without a word.

    Smooth!

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  15. In a world where "reality tv" produces famous people, why the heck can't we think of bloggers as such?
    For crying out loud, Dooce is making her living by blogging. That's fabulous.

    I think pooh poohing K because she got excited about it is kinda stick in the muddy. Every "celebrity" is just a person, a wife, mother, etc.

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  16. i second that emotion, melissa (10:19 am 8/1/06).

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  17. K,

    I wonder how many people felt tongue tied and idiotic meeting you? I bet there were a bunch!

    Um, not sure it's anyone's business why one person admires another. Seems like a pretty personal thing to me. Who inspires you, that is.

    Ok, dating myself, but I met Erica Jong in the eighties once and couldn't speak. I started coughing. She was my hero poetess at the time. It was awful.

    Glad you had a good time, I was pretty sure you would!

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  18. Hmmm...I have a blog and neither of the people that read it have ever stammered when speaking to me in person.

    That is....unless they were drunk. Were you drunk?

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  19. Oh so the ask Jayne thing was "slightly" condesending? You're a generous, benevolent woman.

    You're also hilarious and a wonderful writer. I'm glad that your comment pointed me here, even if we didn't connect there. It's too bad. We could have used another boozing, boobs-out blogger at our sides.

    (and the bananas on the head thing? I think I love you. )

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  20. LOL- you are funny!!!! um, i wanted to beat the janes with numerous 2x4's. is that home improvement at its finest, or what?

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