Knowing Too Much, Doing Too Little

It's what? Day FOUR here at Project Ass Removal* and I have gone, officially, insane.

I honestly have no idea what to do anymore.

It's not like I am diet-clueless. On-the-fucking-contrary! (Oooh, I must be feeling fiesty if I'm swearing!) I know SO MUCH STUFF -- I have read so much literature, so many plans, so many guides, so many blogs, so many websites -- that I am completely and utterly exhausted.

And you'd think, what with all this KNOWLEDGE clamoring around in my head like a mental growling tummy, I'd be able to form some sort of realistic-yet-effecitve plan of attack.

But no.

I spent all day yesterday boiling down this damn thing and registering for this damn thing and then wanting to throw myself over a bridge after discovering this damn thing.

Because in my world, burritos should not be mortal enemies and nothing makes sense anymore anyway.

Counting calories is a harrowing thing. It always seemed to me somewhat restrictive, but if you look at it plain and simple (too simple, based on everything I know and love about Atkins and South Beach), it's soooooooo discouraging. Because if you do the math, you're left with very little to eat and a need to be super patient because the weight will take a long time to come off.

Is that all there is? Could be, except I've lost weight before doing other things, too. Like...

South Beach.

Now, South Beach STILL seems like the most reasonable option for me, so long as I stop making all sorts of exceptions for myself.

Because, as Serre was sharing with me yesterday, when SHE went on SBD and was having trouble losing weight in the beginning, she decided to track her meal choices at Fit Day (which is awesome and free, by the way).

Which is how she discovered she was eating about 3,000 calories a day. And even though South Beach tells you not to so much worry about calories, they will take care of themselves, 3K a day seems just not okay.

But this brings me back to the main point of frustration: if you count calories AND watch good/bad carbs, then what have you left to eat?

I know it's not impossible and that I'm just feel frustrated because this is how it always goes at first, but still.

Oh AND? As I was saying above -- just as a fun aside in the OH MY FUCKING GOD NO WONDER I AM NEVER GOING TO LOSE WEIGHT category...

I decide for dinner that I am going to grab something "healthy." I head to Baja Fresh, a "healthy" place to eat. I select a burrito with chicken, because I figure, HEY, IT'S JUST CHICKEN. Each item in the burrito seems rather healthy -- grilled chicken, black beans, salsa. Yes, there is some cheese, sure, add another 150 calories, but also it will be more filling with the fat. And if I have it with guac, that's good carbs and good oils . (I don't know if this accounts for rice or what.)

Here is what I discovered.

Yes. 850 calories and 35 g of fat and 75 g of carbs and 19 WW points. NINETEEN.

For that amount, I could go to McDonald's and eat a McLean burger with medium fries and come in at 790 calories and 17 WW points. Sheesh.

Anyway, I am just not sure about anything right now, other than that I should eat less, eat better, and work out.

*I'm sure this endeavor will have many, many names.


  1. KRISTY. Deep breath. You'll be fine, and so will your ass.

    Do you want advice, or are you in sort of the GET THE EFF AWAY FROM ME, DIET IDEAS! mood?

  2. oh, no. feel free to suggest away!

  3. Hey K- do you like to swim? I can't diet and I won't give up my Vodka! So a couple years ago I started swimming on my lunch hour every day for two months. I would just swim 6-8 laps as fast and hard as I could and then sit in the sauna. I didn't change anything else in my life and I dropped 20 lbs. This was fast and easy on the joints.

  4. I thought about emailing you privately, but nothing I have to say is inflammatory, and it might help others, so here it is.


    Americans have no freakin' idea how MUCH we eat. We eat like kings--actually, more like dictators--compared to the rest of the world, even compared to the rest of the Western, Civilized world. We have no intrinsic idea of how much is "enough". No idea. Even our BMI calculators are slanted. On our BMI calculators, most Japanese are severely underweight. And yet they are perfectly healthy people! (Except for stress. But it's not like we don't have that over here.)

    Don't get discouraged. Just realize that if you want to eat "right", you have to completely live outside the American box. There are other ways, but this is what worked for me. You have to live in an alternate reality. Imagine that you are in a place in which you are being force-fed, literally having food stuffed down your throat 24-7, by some huge invisible cannabilistic tribe, just for their eating pleasure at the end of your life, and that's not a bad depiction of how much we eat, every day. We haven't always been like this, as a culture--I'm not sure how we got this way, but that's a question for anthropologists, not dieters.

    You have to get over the idea that we're "supposed" to clean our plates, or "I'm not eating enough." I often get home and think, "Okay, I should cook dinner", even though I'm not even hungry! WHY? WHY WOULD I DO THAT? I shouldn't, and I've begun not to. If you're not hungry, don't look at your watch. Don't think, "I need to eat every three hours", or some such nonsense. Forget all you've heard about crash dieting scares, yada yada yada. While crash dieting scares are valid, most Americans--including me--are far from the evils of crash dieting. Our bodies have plenty of fat stored up!

    Certainly eating tiny meals every three hours will help, but for me what has helped the most is completely changing the way I look at the world. If you envision yourself as stuffed into a little cage, being force-fed 24 hours a day, it'll help a lot. And here's the weird part: IT'S REALLY CLOSE TO THE TRUTH. Break out of that. Change everything. Envision yourself as a light and graceful deer, grazing through the forest, snacking on nuts, seeds, leaves, and fruit and berries. (Obviously, I'm going heavy on the vegan thing.) Take little cups of milk and VERY SMALL slices of cheese, if you want them. Have one small slice of bread. Eat half a chicken breast. Eat tiny (looking) amounts of everything. You won't be hungry after a few days. A good way to think is if your meal can't fit on one smallish plate or one NORMAL SIZED dinner plate--not piled high, just in ONE layer on ONE dinner plate--then you're eating too much. Now when I go to places like Chipotle or such, I cannot believe how gigantic the food is--those burritos are as big as a miniature dog! And if you think that miniature dogs usually weigh at least one or two pounds...well, you can see how much you're eating!

    (Feel free to take this off the comments if you want, I know you have moderation. I won't have hurt feelings. I know this is radical.)

  5. So much empathy and sympathy and reassuring "yeah it DOES suck" from over here.

    Sigh. Don't you hate that it takes time? Why no magic weight loss? WHY?

  6. More sane comment: Embracing a super-healthy diet has worked for me. Go vegan. Change your lifestyle. Don't think of your diet as things you CAN'T have. Instead, think: I can eat ALL THESE VEGETABLES, and all these yummy oils! All this fruit! All these wonderful nuts, berries, and seeds! All these wonderful vegan chocolates! All this terrific soymilk! Potatoes! Onions and garlic!

    See this video: and see if that doesn't immediately make you want to a) eat only sexy, sexy vegetables, and b) have sex.

    Also, have you seen this book?


    All of the above, where I talk about "envisioning" and so on--that's what the diet books are talking about when they use the term "inner work". It really is a whole different way of looking at the world. A PERMANENT way. Just like quitting smoking. Yes, you're always surrounded by food, but ex-smokers are always surrounded by cigarettes, too. And smokers quit all the time. It's hard, but they do it, and you can, too. You've already overcome so much--lived through divorce and moved cross-country and blogged through personal tragedy--you're really one of my personal heroes, and I know you can do this, too.

    Thanks for indulging my wagging tongue. :)

  8. "Healthy" fast food is almost never healthy. You should cook at home rather than order out as much as you seem to... it's cheaper, too. That's a lifestyle change that might really work- that way, if you exercise self-control while at the store, you don't have to exercise it again... bad food isn't in the house, and you're not going to go get it.

  9. i have lost one lb per year for the past 22 years. it has been the most effective diet plan.

  10. I totally sympathize with your weight struggles. I have lost 45 lbs on WW (I know, the devil) but I haven't found it to be as restrictive as you find it. That being said, I like to cook, I tend to try to pack a lunch or plan my meals and once you see success, I think it is easier to stick to it. At least for me. Plus, now I know how it works. I can just look at something and know how many points it is. It's not for everyone though.

    I really agree with Aarwen that we have a totally messed up concept in the US of portion control. I think of how I ate before and it's no wonder I was tipping the scales at 200 lbs. There is nothing wrong with having half a chicken breast for dinner along with some steamed brocolli. Our moms loved us, but the whole bread basket, rice, huge breast of chicken and canned peas for dinner kind of screwed us. At least in my case.

    I really cannot express how much cooking has helped me. That burritto tonight probably had lard in the beans, it was a flour tortilla, tons of cheese, etc... At home, you can really cut a lot of that out. Even if you hate to cook, "dinner" can be a small can of tuna on a whole wheat pita and an apple. Nothing fancy.

    You are doing great! Thanks for talking so openly about this.

  11. I feel compelled to comment on your blog! A few years back, after a life-changing breakup, I decided that the economic well being of the entire wine making region of Napa Valley was in my little hands! Apparently I don't metabolize alcohol (or sugar) so well. Talk about packin' it on! It's all gone again, and my advice is: Avoid fast food like the plague (google hydrogenated vegetable oil - you might as well just shoot yourself in the head if you eat anything with that stuff in it - and thats what most restaurants and fast food joints use cause its cheap), make good choices (you already KNOW what you should and shouldn't be eating) and stay off the scale as much as possible. Seeing those stupid numbers just sitting there is really depressing and that just makes you want to give up. As soon as I stopped obsessing and weighing myself every flippin' day - Poof! Weight vanished in a matter of months. Now I'm back down to my pre-breakup size 4. Woo Hoo! Of course for me, cutting out the wine and sugar alone, dropped my caloric intake by about 50%. Good Luck Beautiful Lady! Whatever your weight, from what I've "seen" of you on your blog, you are one helluva woman!

  12. One reason I had trouble making SBD work for me was that (maybe like you) even before I started it, I tended to eat mostly fairly healthy foods - not a lot of fast food, soda, chips, or anything of the kind. I had always liked vegetables, whole grains, and lean meats anyway. The problem was, I got fat in the first place eating huge, out of control portions (the SBD foods are healthy, yes, but except for the veggies they also tend to be calorie-dense) and also I was eating out of boredom, need for comfort, etc, instead of true hunger (and not stopping when I was full). I think the SBD only works if you are someone who eats smallish portions and who doesn't eat when you're not hungry (I don't know if these things are your issues, I'm just saying what I know about myself). Also, I found that I did a lousy job of counting the carbs in restaurant foods (so I lost more when I ate mostly at home) and that I needed to severely moderate my alcohol intake too. Which is why I switched to a calorie-based system - yes, it's kind of boring and strict, but I found that I needed more structure to keep my portions and non-hunger eating in check. Anyway, that's just what I've found in my own diet quest.

  13. I agree with what the other folks say about portion control. It's tough though, my parents drilled it into me that you have to finish what is on your plate.

    Have you replaced everything you drink with water? No soda, juice, etc? Can totally eliminate 100s of calorie that way.

    The only diet that caused me to get to my ideal weight was to breastfeed my kid for a year, but hmmm, might not be the best diet for you right now. Ha ha!

  14. "Anyway, I am just not sure about anything right now, other than that I should eat less, eat better, and work out."

    Don't forget to also drink more water.

  15. Like the others have said, portion control and not eating out is key. I also have a pretty bad burrito jones, so what I do is reward myself with one if I get to the gym 3x/week. Then when I get it, I only eat half, and have the other half a few hours later. It's like having a whole other burrito! At first, I'd have to cut it in half and get the portion I was going to save out of sight, but now I'm to the point were I can eat just half and wrap the other half up.

    I have to disagree with the smoking analogy. It would be more accurate if an ex-smoker who smoked 2 packs/day has to have only 3 cigarettes/day. Or a heroin addict who can only have a LITTLE bit of heroin. You can't just quit food entirely.

  16. The tiny meals thing really worked for me. Also, this concept:

    Let's say my dinner has three components: broccoli (veggie), rice (starch), and steak (protein). None of these things are bad for me, but some are higher calorie/lower nutritive value than others. So, I eat all my meals by order of good-for-me-ness (as perceived by me). Broccoli, a superfood, goes first. Then steak, since it's protein and iron; then rice (with some butter, even), since it is crazy yummy and I love it and refuse to give it up. That way, when I get to the rice, I'm not starving anymore, so I don't scarf all of it down and get full before I get to the "good" stuff.

    It sounds overly simplistic, but it really worked for me. I also tried hard to eat a lot of foods that were really lower calorie/high nutrient during the day - veggies and cottage cheese for lunch, etc - so I'd have a little more flexibility at night. The hubster doesn't think that spinach salad was "dinner," so I had to work around that. ;-)

    I also switched from eating out 4-5 times a week to 1-2 times a week.

    I lost 20 lbs in 6 months.

    I really don't know that it's as much about eating less - I didn't, because I'm one of those "feed the bears" kind of people who turns into a weapons-grade b**** when I don't eat enough. I just ate different.

    Feel free to post or not post - won't hurt my feelers any - just wanted to put that out there. It was the first thing that ever worked for me for more than two months.

  17. Apparently, you live in my head and are stealing my thoughts because that is exactly how I feel about dieting. And that's why I am not doing it right now. And that's why I'm know...fat.

    Also, do they still have McLean burgers out there in California? Those were hardly a blip out here in PA.

    Finally, I would like to recommend the following also-free diet It's actually similar to eDiets, but it is free. And I find it more user-friendly than Fitday. It also has bulletin boards so you can talk to fellow dieters, if you are into that kind of thing. I am a member, and although I don't use it now, once I finally get my (rather large) ass in gear, I plan to!

  18. yeah. i've been having the same problems that you have. I find it hard to eat dinner at home all of the time since i'm in school at night - by the time i get home, i'm not cooking, no way. so take-out it is.

    was on WW for a good 5 months and lost about 15lbs. but i just couldn't keep it up and now i'm doing nothing. i KNOW what i'm eating isn't good, but i keep doing it anyway. *sigh*

    i'm going to try some of your commenters' suggestions, though - they sound like they could work! have to get my (rather large) ass in gear, too...

  19. I totally feel your pain sister!

    Try lean cusine. They are yummy and only about 380 calories.

  20. K-
    First, keep in mind you've only given yourself four days on your new plan... smart weight loss takes a long time. (I know, very unfair.)

    Second, try adding small extra calorie expenditures to your daily routine... I don't know if it's possible, but maybe walking to the next bus stop down, to get a little extra walking in. I always walk to lunch, and started taking the stairs up the last three floors instead of the elevator all the way up to my office.

    And third, I know lots of the people above have said above, and everywhere, that fast food is evil... and it's not great, but like anything, in moderation, you can eat it. I, too, don't cook as much as I "should" and eat out/order in a little too frequently. But, if you get a burrito for lunch one day, save half for the next day. If you order in Chinese, eat it for two or three nights. Smaller portions, even slightly smaller, will add up!

    The other thing that really sucks in all this, is what may have worked for you in the past, may not work as well now... the whole getting older thing. I've noticed I either need to work out more or eat less than I did, say five years ago, to keep things the same.

    I wish you luck with your new plan! I'm working on my own. And I'm always here for venting or encouragement or beating heads against brick walls together when nothing seems to work!!

    Good luck, you know you can do it!

  21. K,

    I wrote a really long, supportive comment Wed and it got sucked into the Blogger vortex. I'm over it now.

    Anyhow, don't beat yourself up over your perceived lack of progress. Losing weight is often a process of fits and starts.

    What worked for me when I was an overweight 20 something was to start exercising. I had been a lifelong exercise avoider (asthmatic child) but it was the 80s and there were aerobics classes. That felt like dancing to me...they played Madonna!!!

    Then the food changes came naturally (well, with more fits and starts).

    My point is, if you don't like whatever you're trying, you're probably not going to do it. I hear you talk about what an effort of will it is going to ww (who can blame you? I don't even get on the scale in the doctor's office!) and going to the gym.

    Have you thought about doing things that are easier on you? I've found even now, after years of being a regular exerciser, that it helps to plan something (a bike ride, a run, a hike) with a friend. Don't just go to the gym, pick a class to take (then the only motivation you need muster is to get there) Maybe pick a single food change to make each week. Changing habits takes a long time.

    Also, I think that if getting on the scale makes you unhappy you shouldn't do it. You will know if your program is working by how you feel and how your clothes fit. I do not get on the scale anymore. Even at a healthy weight I have way too much tendency to obsess, it's not good for me so I don't do it.

    You do not need to punish yourself for where you are at. The process of your self improvement should feel good and make you happy, not feel like penance.

    And finally, it really does help to think in terms of one day at a time. If I had contemplated at 23 that I would need to exercise five days a week forever or that I had a whole 50 pounds to lose, I never would have started. But I actually look forward to my workouts now, they feel good (this does happen eventually!) and provide a much needed outlet.

  22. mark: True. My mistake. I was speaking from experience, as I actually quit smoking--almost--because now I have one or two cigarettes a week. So that mindset worked for me, but I might be very strange. It's very true that you can't quit food. All the more reason to work on a healthy relationship with it ASS soon as possible!

  23. Here's the thing - when you say that that something "worked" but you gained the weight back, it didn't really work. Really. And weight SHOULD come off slowly - think about it this way, the slower it comes off, the slower it will come back. It's frustrating, it's against the whole American "right now!" thing, but it's the truth. Accept it, really accept on a deep level that you will have to make pretty hard changes, and that the results will be a long time in coming. But when you've gotten there, you will really have achieved something, and you won't fall back.

    Okay, so what are the changes. Exercise, first and foremost. And cooking at home. You would never put corn syrup and a ton of lard into your own bean burritos, but that's what they do at restaurants. So try to fit a once-a-week cooking plan into your life. Make a LOT of food on Sunday night - make a roast, make some soup, prep vegetables, stock up. Then freeze some of the leftovers. The beginning of the week you should be covered with "fresh" leftovers, by the end of the week, you can go into the freezer and take form your stock of earlier meals. Also, make sure you have bags of carrots, pre-washed salad and so forth for quick meals. (I would say fruit, too, but I know the South Beach people don't believe so much in the fruit). Nutrition-dense food is good. Avoid as best you can processed food - which means fast food, soda, white flour and sugar.

    You can lose weight, but it's more important to think about getting healthier, If you focus your goals on healthy habits, you can feel good after a week in which you ate good, helthul, home-cooked food, even if you didn't lose a pound that week. And you WILL be healthier for those changes.

    Portion control does matter, too. I've been trying to wait until I'm genuinely hungry before I eat, which is actually an effort if you get used to nibbling all day. But it's not bad after a while.

  24. Kristy,

    I know exactly what you are saying. I too had great success with South Beach. (I lost so much weight! It was easy!) And then I started law school and got busy and started eating bagels and cream cheese for breakfast and cookies for lunch again. And now? Now South Beach seems hard and doesn't work nearly as well.

    I have discovered that the new Optima Slimfast shakes work really well for me for breakfast, they fill me up and are easier than the ard boiled eggs and turkey bacon I ate on South Beach. Other than that, I am trying to just eat salad, lean protein, and fruit, with some nuts and granola to get me through a work out. It's working, but in general, it sucks.

    Good luck!

  25. I didn't read all of the comments, other than the one where you said suggest away. So I might offer duplicate advice. I try NOT to give people advice with dieting because I don't want to be annoying. ALSO I like to cook, and a lot of people don't.
    Burritos are not the enemy! I can send you a recipe (through myspace I guess? or I might actually post it on my blog) that I made up for burritos that are like...2 points. It involves tequila.

  26. You just have to decide for four days it's going to suck. You have to get clean before you can think straight. Eat only raw things for four days and then begin. You can't start this and continue with your normal routine...this is seriously hard stuff and you need to treat it like you've been hit by a truck and you need recovery time. You can do it, you are way beautiful, way smart and way talented. kisses

  27. next time go for the chicken taco -- looks like you could have a few of those and be fine. :)

  28. These comments are great, Kristy. I love reading about what works for other people. You can steal a little bit here, a little bit there.

    I hate dieting because I hate to feel deprived! Eating and drinking are important to living juicy, and I hate limiting my fun.

    So, I work out every day. And I eat and drink whatever I want. I find it easier to go to the gym, do a yoga DVD, or walk to work than to eat half a chicken breast or cook dinner every night.

    I did give up the diet coke, though, (It's been 7 months. I'm clean!) and I drink a lot of water.

    Thanks for sharing all this with us. I am excited to watch your progress.

  29. Is anyone else outraged at 35 f***ing grams of fat in a chicken burrito. Baja Fresh? "Baja Fat" is more like it. Fuckers.

    (K - losing weight is super hard, just keep at it, watch the calories, avoid sugar and alcohol (haha) and exercise. Not news to you, I know. Also - if you never lose'll still be a good write.)

  30. Please don't hate me but ... I read somewhere last week, I think it was the Shape magazine that I torture myself with every month, that 1 margarita has over 700 calories ... 700!!! It made beer look like diet soda.

    I hope that didn't ruin your day like it did mine, realizing I had drank 2800 calories in one sitting. That's not even including the giant burrito which apparently has quite a few as well I am not so happy to have just learned.

  31. i've lost 80 pounds in the past year by counting calories. went from size 18/20 to a size 6/8. it is hard, but you can figure out how to eat a lot of food with very little calories. i cut myself down to 1400 calories a day from 2200 and in the first month i lost 20 pounds. i also started walking/jogging/running (built myself up to it). I started walking 3.5 mph for 1/2 hr 3-4 times a week at the gym, and then went to 4.0, then 5.0, now i'm up to 6.5mph.

    you can do it. i spent my whole life fat, and i didn't need to. it's painstaking and hard and means you have to say no a lot, but you can do it. all i did was count calories, drink water, and walk/jog/run. try eating several small meals a couple times a day.

    btw, places like baja fresh, qdoba etc. are absolutely positively evil. they make you think things are healthy and then make them as unhealthy as possible, so you're still fat, so you keep going back to them because they're 'healthy' and you attribute your fatness to that one piece of cake you had three weeks ago.

    i did every diet before i really settled down and started watching portions and counting calories with a food journal i made in excel.


  32. You want a tight butt? Easy as can be, eat fish, chicken, egg whites and raw green leafy veggies. Nothing else.
    Drink green tea and at least a gallon of water a day.
    If your not into working out go for a walk for an hour a day.
    8 weeks you'll be lean, well unless you weigh in at 200 lbs., then it will take a tad bit longer.

  33. Nothing tastes good any more unless its fattening it seems. I mean, can you name one food that you really really like, that is actually good for you, not counting fruit?

    Maybe that's the answer. fruit. What do you think?

  34. My diet is going to crap as well. So much for my "Steppin my game up and Sexin my frame up" plan. :o(

  35. Hi, Kristy. Longtime lurker, first time commenter.

    I just wanted to say that you should try not to get discouraged. Being what I like to so delicately term as a "fat cow" for the past 6 years or so, I finally decided to make a major change. I was getting tired of looking at myself.

    I have lost 50 pounds over the past few months and I feel much better.

    I didn't do anything crazy, either. I stopped drinking regular Coke (that was my biggest problem) and just began eating less. I still indulge in the things I love, just not every day, and I make sure it's not the entire big-as-my-head burrito from Qdoba, just part of it. I don't keep anything snacky in the house, because I know if it's there, I will eat it. If I am dying for chocolate, I will have a fudge bar - 100 calories, no fat, still delicious. I also force myself to go to the gym every day, even if it's just for 20 minutes of walking on the treadmill. Some coworkers and I are going to start taking a kickboxing class there soon, though, so that'll help even more, I bet.

    I do not count every calorie I consume and I don't weigh myself every day. When I found out I had lost 50 pounds, I had no idea - I just waited til it was time to go to the doctor and got weighed then. I was going by how my clothes were fitting me...I had dropped four jeans sizes.

    I have 30 more pounds to go and I am totally convinced I can do it.

    Just take things one step at a time and you will do fine. You're a crazy-strong girl, from what I can see. You will handle it.

  36. The funny thing about diets--whether it's South Beach, Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, or my personal favorite, Fit For Life--they all work. If you follow them.

    There is something to the old adage, it's not what you're eating, it's what's eating you.

    I have struggled with food my entire life--FOOD, not weight. I do not have a weight problem. I have an eating problem. In my mind, I know that eating like a size 10 will have me looking like a size 10 (which, at 5'9" and three kids later would be a huge victory). But, still I hunt and grab daily. I eat when I am not hungry. I eat too much when I am hungry. Given the choice between junk and healthy foods, I will choose junk most of the time--even though I know I should choose better.

    Now that I am the mother of three kids--two of whom are girls--I feel a tremendous sense of responsibility to set a good eating example for them. But, when they are not around, at school, or in bed, it's Ben & Jerry to the rescue.

    I have no answers, only compassion and understanding. I, too, have read all the books, and I know the science behind metabolism and calories and protein and carbs and food combining and detoxification and natural hygiene and cleansing. It's all good. I just can't seem to do any of it for any length of time.

    Eat less. Move more. But if it's that simple, why can't we do it?

  37. Oh yeah, dietfacts is E-V-I-L evil.
    I was obsessed with that site for months when i was trying to lose weight by counting calories. It just made me want to cry about all the things i love that i couldn't eat.

  38. I find it so confusing, but have only had luck losing belly weight with SBD. Finding the what? strength? willpower? self-love? to just do what I know is the right thing is just nearly impossible though.

    my own worst enemy.

  39. Today, I begin (for the millionth time) a mission to loose the extra 25 pounds I have put on since my move to Boston. I'm fucking hungry, bottom line.

    However, I would like to thank you for putting up some of those links. I have signed up for the calorie tracker at and it's almost as good as WW (gah), but much less intimidating and free whereas WW charges $30/month for their services.

    I've also decided to cut back on drinking. We'll see how this goes! I think you mentioned in one of your earlier entries, "well it only has to work once". I'm just going to keep telling myself that.

    I'm not going to offer you any tips, because you like me, know what it is that needs to be done, just aren't doing it (or not as much as you should be). Good luck to both of us.



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