Interlude: This Isn't A Love Story

The story about my divorce and my mom's getting sick and my moving across the is not about me falling in love.

But the role El_Gallo (ElG) played – how he helped me, what he gave me, what we shared – changed my life forever. And so even though this story isn't about him exactly, I wanted to shed a little light on who he was and will forever be to me.

* * * * * *

When I "met" him, ElG had been living in San Francisco for about six years. He'd come out there from the Midwest, and was thrilled to do so. He was the poster boy for everything I'd wanted to find in SF. He...

...he was what I thought living in San Francisco should be about.

And for some reason, even though he was meeting me when I was at my darkest, he saw a light in me. (He said that a lot.) He had no doubt that I would come through all the heartache and be okay.

Having someone (someone who barely knew me) believe in me as he did was quite a powerful motivator. He had no reason to believe in me, he had no history of mine to base his support on. He had no reason to help me. He just did.

“I just like ya’” he’d say.

* * * * * *

We would talk about everything. I would learn from him. Mostly I would learn that I was okay, that my life wouldn’t always be in shambles, that brighter days were ahead.

His mother was very ill, too. We would talk about that.

He had gone through a traumatic break-up after a nine-year relationship. We would talk about that.

He had come to San Francisco and made a life for himself and took pleasure in the simplest things that SF offered. We would talk about how I could do that, too.

And in a refreshing way I didn't readily accept but desperately needed, he would be unforgiving of David.

* * * * * *

As I said, this story isn't about my love affair with ElG, but his becoming part of my life changed and probably saved me, which I do not say lightly or to be dramatic. I don't know that I ever would have had the courage to move if he hadn't been there to cheer me on. I had someone holding my hand, saying everything would be okay, eventually, because I deserved it.

ElG helped me believe I could do anything. And he was also okay with my taking my time to figure out what that "anything" would look like.

* * * * * *

In the months after I'd "met" him, my friends and family would be skeptical. They'd assume he was a rebound and they certainly wouldn't “get” his indie-like idiosyncrasies. They would fear I'd suddenly run off to Vegas and marry him.

They didn't (at first) understand that he was just being a great and true friend. And that he loved me without expectation. And that he never cared how he was perceived, because he was too busy just caring about me.

* * * * * *

Anyway, I just wanted to give you a tiny little glimpse into why and how ElG has meant so much to me. He is the only one who knew the whole story as it was happening. He is the only person I know out here who ever saw my house in Fairfield.

He is the only one out here who ever met my mother.

No. We did not, as you well know, end up together. We will always have our bond, but despite trying our best, it was just never going to work. We loved each other, we had tremendous respect for each other, and sometimes we balanced each other.

But oh, how we exhausted each other.

And hadn't I learned about that? About trying to force something to work?

Yes, well. Right.

And so back to the story.


  1. Sounds like El G is a truly special person. How lucky you were to meet him and still to have him in your life... When you're going thru that kind of hell, it must have been awesome to have a friend like that...

    Can I borrow him for a while???

  2. i can so relate. when i was getting divorced, i met a guy who did all of those things for me. it was so needed, cause i was just broken. my husband had hurt and rejected me in every way possible, and oh how i needed that guy in my corner telling me he loved me and how hot and beautiful i was and how special. i totally understand. i didn't end up with him either, but he did save me.

  3. This post makes me want to buy El G a drink for helping you get to where you are now.
    Plus anyone who says they "saw a light" in someone is good in my book. It's just one of those phrases that gets me.

  4. oh god, I was always a fan of El_G just from reading about him in your posts and reading his comments, which were always funny and sweet and supportive. We could all use a friend like that.

    And I always wondered what happened to end it, but I can totally understand about what it takes to go through difficult times with people....and I applaud both of you for continuing to be friends and to provide support networks for each other.

    (PS - also a fan of Mejane and Serraphim, although I'm not sure how they fit in here either)

  5. I'm glad you shared that. I've always wondered about him. Your love shines through in your words.


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