Tuesday, March 16, 2010

The Wagon And I Have An On-Again, Off-Again Relationship

I wouldn't call it dysfunctional. Well, not exactly. It's more like The Wagon is this new man in my life who I'm fairly confident I'm going to end up with, I'm just not ready to jump 100% into the relationship with him knowing that we're going to get married. I want to prolong this flirty, new-dating thing we have going right now as long as possible.

Everyone's always telling me not to rush into long-term commitments.

Hi, and welcome to my analogy.

As of last Friday, I'd lost close to 11 pounds in 11 days. That's crazy. And great and wonderful and it feels fantastic to have hard work pay off so profoundly. It's very easy to stay motivated under these kinds of circumstances.

But even crazier is that it would have (or could have) been more if I'd stayed "on plan" the whole time.

I just haven't. Not because it's hard to stay on plan, though. I mean, it is, but that's not the thing. I didn't "fall" off the wagon, I purposefully and conscientiously stepped off it. There is a difference.

While I'm adjusting to this new regiment, I happen to have a series of social events planned, and I didn't want to feel I was denying myself them. (For the record? Ish and I are going to Pigs & Pinot this Friday night. It was an event featured on Top Chef, we've been waiting A YEAR to go, and it is costing us roughly a bazillion dollars. We're attending almost as a "vacation." The Wagon is not invited.)

But after that event, well. Let's be honest: I'm never going to cut wine out of my life entirely. But I do plan to get to a place where going out to dinner and ordering a salad is my idea of indulging. Or, okay, if not "indulging," at least not feeling like I'm missing out on something. I'm not there yet. But I will get there. I will. You know how I know? Because I almost am.

I can't even believe this is me writing this. Seriously.

The bottom line is that after only two weeks, everything has changed.

I feel different. My body looks different. I have more energy. I'm sleeping better. My appetite is almost completely changed.

I honestly feel like I've been on this program for a lot longer than two weeks, in a good way. And while I'm not quite down (officially) 10 pounds, I may as well be. Because I'm remembering what it felt like to lose weight before. Not all those other times when I wasn't especially successful, when I just lost a few pounds here and there. I remember what it felt like when I lost weight in college. I can't explain why it's like that now, or why I know this will be successful like it was then, but it is and I do.

Last Saturday night, I went to dinner and ordered something fatty and unhealthy, and I didn't like the way it made me feel. I don't mean I felt guilty about it (I didn't; this was my choice to make and I made it -- I stand by that). I didn't like the way it made me feel physically.

But not just that.

You know how sometimes you just order the wrong thing? Like, you go to a restaurant and can't decide what to get and then you pick something and it's just not what you wanted? And then you leave the restaurant with a slight sense of disappointment?

(Please indulge me this first-world/fat-girl problem for just a moment.)

I left the restaurant disappointed that I didn't have the grilled shrimp. Grilled shrimp! Grilled! Shrimp! I had amazing ribs and french fries (french fries are my favorite food on the entire planet), and I was disappointed about not ordering grilled shrimp.

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW INSANE THAT IS?

Two weeks in and I'm losing interest in french fries. Something is definitely working.




13 comments:

  1. Love these posts, thank you. I'm still hoping for this moment, but working on it, anyway.

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  2. Do you read skwigg?

    I really think you'd get a lot of out of it. Pro tip: if she's saying something that pisses you off, she's probably right (at least that's how it works for me).

    Reading her blog has helped me get to a place where I'm a whole lot more comfortable trusting myself to make good food choices and, also, a whole lot more forgiving when there's a Zingers Incident.

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  3. I love that you are so honest. Thank you! And keep going, it keeps getting better!

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  4. This is blowing my mind. HOW CAN THIS BE?

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  5. Great luck on your weight loss endeavor. As a black man I still don't know why you guys obsess over that. We fancy a girl with a little junk back there.

    Maybe that's you guys should do when your feeling fat. Instead of going on some crazy diet, just go find a black guy.

    I guarantee you'll feel like Meagan Fox by the end of the date. LOL

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  6. Good for you on starting to kick the french fry habit! That's something that has been really hard for me too. Keep up the good work, lady. You're an inspiration, from one french fry-loving wine-guzzler to another. :]

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  7. Brett-
    I'm sure you weren't thinking quite like this when you wrote that, but most of us aren't — or shouldn't be — concerned about our weight because of what men like. Women do worry about that, too much, but there are a whole lot of other reasons, both rational and less-rational, for wanting to lose weight.
    Finding a man who "fancies a girl with a little junk back there" wouldn't so much solve the problem, either of being heavier than we'd like to be OR of creating our body images around what (we think) men want.

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  8. I am SO happy for you Kristy! Keep going!
    Occassional fries are okay but you will feel em.
    Wine however, should never leave the diet!

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  9. I am so with you! I have been on Atkins- you are my inspiration to finally do it- for 6 days and have lost 3-1/2 lbs. I can feel it in the fit of my pants! I am committed. 10 lbs is fabulous. And like you, I am not craving the crap. We can do it. And those pants that I bought were Chaps label, not Polo, and they fit great.

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  10. I feel you...I just went 'off the wagon' for a week and MISSED the program...I missed the structure and the sense of control. And you're right, I'd end up feeling yucky after eating what I used to love. It just didn't have that hold on me like it used to. So I'm back 'on the wagon' and ready to take a long long ride! Best wishes to a long happy healthy Medifast ride!

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  11. Nothing on earth is more disappointing to me than going to a restaurant and being unhappy with my meal- and it's like salt in the wound (haha) if it's my own fault because I have plate envy and ordered the wrong thing.

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  12. I'm right there with ya sister!! The wagon is just there to give you a lift from time to time, you cant ride the whole way on it, ya know?
    I love your energy and your sense of humor, keep up the good work, and you'll get there.

    -Martha

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  13. Stumbled upon you from Facebook. I can relate! I have lost 60 pounds in the last year. My life is forever changed. In every aspect. How you ask? RUNNING!! I talk about it all alot. And I will never give up wine.

    Good luck to you and your journey.

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