Tuesday, March 09, 2010

I Have No Idea How To Dress Myself

That's it. I have officially fallen into a fashion abyss and I can't get up. There are so many elements conspiring (YES I SAID CONSPIRING. THEY ARE OUT TO GET ME.) against me I am pretty sure I will be wearing yoga pants for all eternity.

Yesterday I received two catalogs in the mail that made me LOL for totally opposite reasons. One was a plus-sized catalog called "The Woman Within." (Note: Wwwrrrrrreeeeeechhh!) The other was Urban Outfitters.

And I realized I have three GIANT STRIKES against me when it comes to dressing myself and I should just give up and never leave the house.


Strike One: I am not 15.
I am not even 25 anymore. I am going to be 35 this year. *chokecough* And while I don't think this means I need to dress like a "mom" (whateverthehell THAT means), I am not convinced it's okay for me to continue to wear pigtails. I just, I have zero idea of what sort of clothes are age-appropriate, or if I need to worry about this, or if I even care about this. (Mostly I don't.)

It's just something I have to think about, especially as it relates to...


Strike Two: I do not understand current fashion trends at all.
Perhaps this is nothing more than a function of age, but I don't even know what I would be wearing if I was 15. I feel like current trends are totally eluding me. I couldn't identify them if you paid me.

The other day I was at a local shopping plaza when a gaggle of good-looking teenaged girls descended on the place, all from the local high school. Every single one of them was wearing a version of skinny jeans -- i.e., skinny jeans, super-tight jeans or leggings -- tucked into Ugg-like boots (except one girl who wore flip-flops). They paired these bottoms with bulky hoodies.

I don't really know what to do with this. I don't mind the IDEA of skinny jeans, because my legs are one of my best features (understanding that's relative, please). But I don't know how I could ever find jeans that fit my legs tightly that could EVER fit over my giant bubble butt AND my under-the-bellybutton pouch.

I'd essentially need the jeans to be made like a golf tee. Wide enough at the top to fit the golf-ball rest of me.

Pretty!

Anyway. Then I got to wondering if I should even be paying attention to what teenagers are wearing (See: Strike One). Especially since there seems to be this growing trend of wearing 80s styles semi-ironically, which I find hard to get behind since I lived through wearing those things UNironically the first time and haven't stopped laughing at myself since the 90s. You know?

So whatever. I received the Urban Outfitters catalog and got a brilliant idea. I thought, "Hey. I'm not foolish enough to think I should be wearing any of these outfits, exactly, but maybe the catalog can give me ideas about current trends so that I can interpret them for my age and size."

HAHAHAHAHAHA. No.

Here is their catalog cover:


Please to explain.

I don't even understand it. How can I "interpret" it?

I mean, call me old-fashioned -- and maybe this is just my nearly-35-year-old-self talking -- but pants? When did they become optional?

Seriously. I looked through this catalog and none of it made any sense to me.


I see this dress as $68 of confusion. It's tiny and flimsy and see-through and has a cropped(?) back(?). Which gives me a whole new body part to be self-conscious about.

Bottom line: I don't have the slightest idea how one would ever begin to make this age- or size-appropriate.

Because, lest we forget...


Strike Three: I am plus-sized AND losing weight, so I don't fit into anything.
I hate all the clothes I have because they're all giant, and mostly "yoga" and "workout" themed, despite that I don't do either. They're comfy alright, but I'm sure there's a way to be "comfortable" without looking like I could have slept in my ensemble.

Further, I have quite a collection of sizes of clothes in my closet, ranging from "huge and pregnant" to "not as huge as some other stuff" to "I bought this two years ago and still don't fit into it."

And I'm reluctant to buy stuff now, as I am seriously dedicated to losing weight and don't want to buy new clothes until they're a totally different size than any I've been purchasing for the last several years.

So, BUT! Despite that I wouldn't know what size to buy stuff in, THERE IS NOTHING TO BUY.

You know the screeds I could write about trying to find "fashionable" things to wear as a plus-size woman are endless, but they all come down to the same thing:
  • We want to wear what everyone else is wearing.
  • If you're going to make clothes in entirely different styles and colors for the plus-size set, please make it so that it COVERS the troubled areas, such as the upper arms. We don't want our upper-arm flab swaying in the breeze any more than you want to see it. Sleeves, please.
  • Just because I'm big doesn't mean I'm tall.
  • Where do you suggest I put the other half of my boobs? (The half that these shirts don't cover?)
  • We want to wear what everyone else is wearing. Oh, did I already say that? I THOUGHT MAYBE YOU DIDN'T HEAR ME.
I ordered a pair of boots from The Woman Within (*hurl*) online when they were the only ones I could find that were cute, not hundreds of dollars, and included exact measurements of how wide the calf was (and would thusly fit me).

Oops.

Now I'm on their mailing list and I received their catalog and I opened it thinking maybe there would be some fashion-forward options for me for spring. Something I could consider buying in a month or two.

Please forgive me if you disagree, but I was personally offended by the clothes in this catalog. OFFENDED. The clothes were AWFUL and the skinny models wearing them looked RIDICULOUS and because I cannot wash my mind's eye of the memory of the ASSAULT on my very existence, you will now get to share in the horror.

WHAT IS THIS???


Seriously? SERIOUSLY?

Oh yes, that white collar is BUILT-IN. Because you know how you were all, "Where can I get a tab collared like the ones that were popular for 13.5 minutes in 1998?"

Also? It comes in three other colors! "Mocha combo," "Plum combo" and -- not kidding -- "Blue Moon combo."

BLUE MOON. I can't capitalize that enough.

"Yoga" it is.


p.s. And what about hair?

64 comments:

  1. This was about the funniest thing I've read in a while. "pants optional" "built in collar" Died and pee'd.

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  2. If you're looking for some good plus-size clothing options, check out "Manolo for the Big Girl." I've found some very decent stuff via that blog. (http://manolobig.com/)

    Also, I think yoga pants are a trend too. ;)

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  3. I hope the Blue Moon combo includes beer. Yeesh.

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  4. Funny, Kristy. So being plus-sized means you're punished to wear ersatz 80s style clothes (probably polyester, to boot) - that hides the body, and makes you look like you're wearing a tent? In weird print colors?

    Is that attached collar to help encourage you to join a nunnery?

    And the other option is to appear semi-nude.

    Nope. I'll stick to my comfy slightly sloppy workout togs.

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  5. AMEN sister! I could write posts going on and on about this. While I'm not obese, I definitely shop plus, and I'm so tired of Lane Bryant being the only option I'd remotely consider putting my rolls into! Even a lot of THEIR stuff is becoming questionable. Why is it that most clothing companies equate plus size with bold floral cheesy prints and matronly ... it's depressing and also infuriating.
    About to follow your blog - I think you're fabulous!

    - another almost 35 year old size 16/18

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  6. This is tragically hilarious or hilariously tragic, I can't make up my mind. That collar is fantastic. If you're a Duggar.

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  7. Granny Grad and Nana loved it. Enough said. Perhaps their woman within is a leopard. RAWR.

    First rule of thumb: no article of clothing should be two things sewn together. Please see "dickies." And for some reason I just thought of skorts, which they also tried to pawn off on unsuspecting (?) bigger women (like me) for years in the 80s. I used to rock those with a deceptively (to me) voluminous silk teal blouse from the Limited, that transitioned nicely to a way-too-short black skirt and heels for hair metal concerts.

    Oh help me. I also recall many years of shopping in the Pretty Plus section at Sears. Not pretty.

    These experiences inform this unsolicited advice: Do not ever look at the Woman Within catalog again unless you are drunk and doing so ironically. That is a bad times book.

    I hover on the 14 cusp, am solidly (hahahaha! I am funny!) a 14 right now. I can still fake it with XLs/14s in the regular Target section. Seriously, were it not for Target I would have no clothes, and we would all be sad.

    I also go to Macy's, which has actually really pretty "women's" sizes, and a lot of the time you can find stuff for cheap in clearance. I buy nothing that is not significantly on sale. Third up, and seriously, Lane Bryant, where you of all people know I bought my prom dress.


    Finally, picturing myself in that first UO outfit because I like pain and it's making me laugh a lot.

    You are not too fat to shop. There are just so. many. bad. options. Hard to tell what to do.

    (I did not know going in that I would have all of those opinions.)

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  8. While I'm not plus-sized (I'm pregnant with my first so I very well could be very soon), I'm also a comfortable size 12. I find that I have the same problems-either no choices (see: Urban Outfitters), ridiculous choices (see: the collar situation) or crazy choices (see: runway fashion)

    I do like the blog below and it’s written by a mom. Even if I don't always agree with the choices, it's a good place to get ideas about colors and upcoming styles. I think that 'normal' sized women all suffer from fashion problems, especially moms. Thanks for always keepin it real; I love you blog!

    http://shesstillgotit.blogspot.com

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  9. 100% true, and so funny that now I have to change my underpants.

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  10. The other day I took my (almost 11 year old)daughter dress shopping and she pulled a dress off the rack and I realized that it looked exactly like dresses that were all the rage in, say, 1988. I told her that I refused to buy her anything that had gone out of style in 1989. Sorry.

    Yoga pants are, indeed, fashionable. I think. But you might not want to take my word for it.

    I suggest finding yourself a good pair of jeans that fits your body. Nothing that's mostly lycra or has an elastic waistband. Something built for the shape of your body that will also have some give as you lose weight. When belts will become your friends.

    As for your top half, I'm very fond of thrift stores, especially when going through a big weight flux. :)

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  11. Have you thought about approaching Stacy and Clinton? An episode where they help you pick out a wardrobe of pieces that work for you, and that could be altered as you continue to succeed in your quest, would be awesome - for a whole LOT of people.

    Also, Urban Outfitters is mostly ridiculous, on anyone.

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  12. $68 of confusion - I am giggling!

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  13. Great post. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time!

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  14. It does seem that pants are optional these days. I'm definitely not up for that trend though. As for me, closing in on 40 (later this year) I haven't known how to dress in ages. Ever? I'm on the cusp of plus which seems to make things difficult too. And why does no one make a cute dress with sleeves? Even short sleeves? WHY? Ever try to find a dressy dress for an event in the winter in the North East? None of them have sleeves. WTF? It's cold here.

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  15. Love that you say " ... AND losing weight ... "

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  16. May I please recommend these full -leg cropped pants from J Jill.
    http://www.jjill.com/jjillonline/product/itempage.aspx?item=S0049J&PFID=14&BID=S2010069150953C8E93DC55235497E812706&h=M&sk=M

    I have them in gray and brown. I am a 14 who should really wear a 16. I am 60 pounds overweight, and these pants are the best. They have an elastic waist, and will shrink with you.

    I've worn them for every season, I think. I wear with ballerina flats in the warm weather, and cute boots in cool weather. They are WAY comfortable.

    good luck.

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  17. try jjill.com women's -- pretty classic stuff, not cheap but not crazy, and neither matronly nor teenly (new word?)

    (the result of lots of plus-size searching for something to wear to the wedding :/)

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  18. There's only one thing to do: set your DVR for "What Not To Wear"!
    You know you love Stacy and Clinton! There have been some good episodes lately.

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  19. This is freaking hilarious. Seriously, Anthropologie is wack.

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  20. I received Urban Outfitters' catalog yesterday as well. I am young and skinny and even I HATE their catalogs. Too much of a Lolita vibe for me. I don't follow today's trends because I don't think it's worth spending money on something I would get laughed at wearing one year later because PLAID was so 2009. So I stick to classic styles that always look good. Oh, and screw skinny jeans.

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  21. I love to read your blog...it's like you are in my head! Anyway, I am a plus size (18/20), pear shaped, 37 year old and have some luck shopping at Lane Bryant. Here are links to what I wore out the past weekend and I received so many compliments (people thought I had lost weight..BONUS!!) Yes, I surprised myself and wore leggings..they aren't as scary as you think! Keep it up, you are doing great!

    http://www.lanebryant.com/new-arrivals/new-arrivals/tops/gingham-crinkle-button-front-tunic/4000c4006c4007p58948/index.pro

    http://www.lanebryant.com/knit-buckle-leggings/p60268/index.pro

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  22. Here's a great blog for you. I've learned a ton there: http://youlookfab.com/

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  23. The department stores are now carrying some- a few- plus size lines that are exact copies of the regular size lines (just less pieces). Jones NY, Ralph Lauren/Polo, and a few others. I had luck with the Ralph/Polo stuff, but it wasn't disgustingly preppy, just classic and it fit! And the W in the size will often mean it's not too long. Unfortunately the only way to find even a few things is to try on like a bajillion. Not so easy with a baby "stylist" with you that won't give her opinion. I'm inspired to go Atkins, wish me luck!

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  24. I have to tell you, right now Lane Bryant's "right fit" jeans are on sale. All of them as they are changing the sizing this fall. You can get them for a steal. However, I suggest you go into a store and try them on because measurements are deceiving. They have boot cut, flare, straight leg and even (god I don't know why) skinny jeans - dark and medium washes. Seriously, they are the best pairs of plus sized jeans I've ever owned. Even though I've dropped to a 14 and could reasonably shop in other stores, I get their jeans because they fit just right (except for the waist rise issue and the fact I'm short waisted, but I take them in).

    Also, OldNavy.com has some great plus sized tops. Simple, COMFY, cute, age appropriate (I'm 32) and feminine. The only drawback is their sizing is never the same from item to item and you can't return them to stores (but returning is still painless).

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  25. And this is why I dress in a "classic" style. If it's made by Lauren or Pendelton; it's for me. Gap and Old Navy are mostly okay too; but sometimes they take some of those crazy drugs.

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  26. Being of a somewhat curious (*cough* mashochist*cough*) nature I googled "The Woman Within"... and now I want to burn out my own retinas!!

    OMG?? it should not even be legal to market such offenses of fashion... did you brave the dresses section??? It was MUUMUUS!!!! real, honest-to-goodness muumuums!!! I didn't even know that muumuus actually existed in this day and age!!

    My go-to site to see what's up in fashion for plus-size gals= Torrid (dot) com.... they even have skinny jeans for us gals with boot-ay... :P You're welcome. :P

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  27. Lane Bryant and Macy's, girlfriend -- especially the sale racks. Torrid has some okay stuff but it skews awfully young. Also, Old Navy online has some decent enough plus size stuff -- I get lots of tops from them (and yoga pants! LOL). I wouldn't know how their jeans fit, but I like Lane Bryant's -- they have a lot of different fits to choose from. You really have to go to the stores and try stuff on, though.

    If I recall correctly, the Woman Within is the new name for the old Lane Bryant catalog store, which was not to be confused with the actual Lane Bryant STORE. Uch. Heinous. But sadly, I have an obese 60-something friend who buys most of her clothes from them.

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  28. I have different problems than yours, but mine all lead to the same conclusion: yoga pants.

    Problem 1.) I am a poorer than all the poors combined. I'm a college student and since I'm eating ramen and frozen veggies for dinner tonight, I'm clearly in no position to be buying new clothes. Most things I own have holes, stains, and or don't really fit that well. Making rent > looking nice.

    Problem 2.) I just don't really care anymore. This might be a defense mechanism based off of problem #1, since I couldn't afford to care if I wanted to. But all I do is go to class, work, and study... and I stopped trying to impress the people I see each day a long time ago. I have 2-3 "oh hey, I actually look presentable" outfits on hand that I can use for the weekend.

    Seriously, I need Stacy and Clinton. Will someone nominate me? : )

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  29. Hi,
    I read but rarely comment.
    I recommend the plus department at the remodeled Macy's on Union Square. They are now in a nice stand-alone department instead of a couple of messy racks between children's and nightgowns. They have INC, Calvin Klein, Michael Kors and Ralph Lauren. (They also have Eileen Fisher and Jones NY but I don't think of those lines as cutting-edge fashion.) They also have a ton of jeans so you might be able to find some you like - I didn't because I need a tall size, but they have TONS that are regular length. Anwyay, you can always find some sort of 20% off coupon for Macy's and I do think it's worth a trip back to the city.

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  30. You know I was just watching a friends episode on Tivo the other noght and Rachel was wearing a top with the strange cut out in the back thing and I totally dismissed it as "well it WAS the 90's" but apparently NO!

    I don't have any particular advice because when things in my closet don't fit I just buy shoes. They always make me feel prettier. That, and a great haircut. Seriously.

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  31. OMG I was just thinking about this. Plus-sized clothes are so often OLD-LADYISH. Or they assume huge boobs. Or they have sparkly accents around the neck to draw attention away from The Rest Of The Body. Or the pants drag on the floor---I am 5'9" and the pants are too long for me, WTF? And so many plus-size clothing catalogs put regular skinny models in the big clothes, and not only does it look RIDICULOUS, it gives NO IDEA what the clothes look like.

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  32. Oh, also? Why do so many plus-sized tops have either 3/4-length sleeves or FLUTTER SLEEVES? Who wants FLUTTERS drawing attention to the upper arms?? Can I please just buy a regular t-shirt?

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  33. I was laughing so much my husband demand I tell him what was so funny, but I had to stop several times because I was in tears.
    Particularly when I got to the part about the built in collar. I've never understood why that's supposed to look good.

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  34. I haven't had a chance to read all the other comments yet so I'm not sure if this is redundant, but thought I'd suggest Garnet Hill and J. Jill as possible resources. I also have no idea how I'm supposed to dress but I think those catalogs give me reasonable goals. Now if only I could win the lottery...

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  35. Since having kids, I've also had no fashion sense whatsoever because my wardrobe consists of yoga-ish pants, perfectly stretched out jeans with thighs rubbing dangerously thin, long cami tops that can withstand the rigors of breastfeeding, and a range of "casual" to "good" sweatshirts or fleece jackets on top. This is my daily uniform. It depresses my husband, I'm sure.

    I love your description of jeans in the shape of a golf tee. I have the opposite shape, yet the same problem. Of all the things to inherit from my late father, it had to be his flat a**. It doesn't grow outward or downward like a good booty should, it grows upward towards my back, and is just. Well. Square. And sooooo not attractive when it's bigger, like now. And I have smallish hips. To top this off is the world's most unattractive muffin top (that's putting it lightly) that makes me look like a feminine version of my elementary school principal, a man we fondly described as a human dum-dum. That frightens me. It also renders jean-hunting an absolutely absurd task, as everything, if it fits below the waist, stands no chance of buttoning, zippering or tethering closed. And if the waist fits? Well, who in the hell wants to wear pleated jeans, since that's the overall effect?? Billowing denim hasn't looked good since, well, ever. Same with skirts - I've always thought they'd fit much better if I wore them upside down. :-)

    You're not looking for advice, but (ha) one suggestion - find a minimal number of things you can wear for a while to tough out this sucky awkward weight-loss phase. Then go nuts when you're good and ready. It is an awesome feeling. Best of luck!!

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  36. What about Torrid? I <3 Torrid, although I've never actually bought anything from there. A very good friend of mine used to work there and she always looked fabulous!

    http://www.torrid.com/

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  37. I'm with you on all points. Sleeves. Please. Not cap sleeves, not flutter sleeves (as Swistle says), not sleeveless for the love of God. I just want solid coloured regular clothes. Most plus sized clothes also are not proportioned right - our arms are not longer. You can't just take a shirt and make it larger in all dimensions. ARGH.

    Also, freaking horizontal stripes. I WILL NEVER WEAR THEM. So stop making clothes with horizontal stripes.

    Boy, I could rant about this for quite some time.

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  38. I'm all confused about fashion right now too. Living in Germany means I can't ever tell what is going on. Plus I just spent a year in maternity clothes (they do the attached collar in maternity alot too). I *think* long loose shirts were in style last year because I got away with wearing normal clothes for maternity for quite a while because of that.

    And I've been wearing my maternity clothes for the past 5 months (post-baby) because I didn't want to spring for intermediate clothes. Just yesterday my favorite jeans started fitting, (allehuia).

    I have worn UO in the past, but only one of the two shirts in the store that didn't look like they belong. I just went to Torrid, and the clothes there look really young...

    Classic styles have the most shelf life in my closet, and they aren't really age specific most of the time.

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  39. Oh, the worst is the shirt that has a seam across the middle. Only problem is it hits my middle alright.....The middle of my BOOBS!
    What is wrong with the people who design plus sized clothes????

    And again. We just want to wear what everyone else is wearing.....and to have more than a 12x12 section of the store to shop in. That's all we ask.

    Thank you.

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  40. Someone needs to stab these people with scissors. Preferably blunt scissors and so hard that they die to death. That's how frustrated I feel about this whole plus size thing.

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  41. Good luck with this - I've lost 40 lbs (in the past um 2 years) (I'm just a little slow) and have 40-50 to go.

    I hate all my clothes - except the skinny stuff that I haven't even looked at in a decade - I'll probably hate that too when I finally drag it out.

    And I'm not about to spend good money on good clothes that I like in this size . . . I want a single-digit size.

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  42. i'm crying i'm laughing so hard!

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  43. I am like you with the belly and big butt and I am 37. A couple of recommendations: JC Penney has a great plus line called A.N.A-- I got some cute dark "skinny" jeans and I think they look good on me--never thought I would wear anything "skinny".

    Also agree with the J. Jill brand, I have gotten some really nice stuff there this year, and it is not too matronly and the stuff looks "quality" to me.

    Lastly, I have been wearing dresses more often now. (with a defined waist). I think you are a SAHM, yes? You could go with casual dresses and flats or flip flops to run errands and what not. I feel so pretty and feminine in them, and in my mind they are slimming.

    Definitely keep us updated with what you get!

    -danish

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  44. You are such an awesome writer.

    OH GAWD do I know. Seriously? Baby doll dresses for tall amazon (not skinny) women? WWWWHHHHHYYYYY?

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  45. Love your rants, girl. And know that you are not alone. I think the so-called fashion industry very deliberately persecutes all women. When I run down the list of me and my 10 closest female friends, we cover virtually every shape and size: tall to short, Amazon to Pixie, skinny to fat, busty to A-cup, you name it. And we are ALL just as frustrated as you are. I doubt that any of us will ever find the Holy Grail of Cute, Affordable, Comfortable Clothing that Fits. Ditto for shoes, bras, and panties. Arrgh.

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  46. Have you seen the "carrot" pants form Lane Bryant? I know they must get bored over there, churning out the straight leg and wide leg pants over and over through the unending years. But whoever thought that the way to expand their options was to offer heavy women pants that are gigantic at the top and narrow to the ankle. Hence the name carrot Only in my case, something more like a turnip. NOT a flattering cut on anyone, least of all someone with a little extra in the waist or butt or thighs or boobs. Which is to say, their entire client base.

    And I would say that you are too old to worry about what the teenagers are wearing, so don't worry about that. But, to the extent you can afford to, do buy yourself some nice clothes in the size you wear now. I've always found it easier to eat healthfully when I feel good about myself, and I don't feel good when I'm wearing crappy clothes.

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  47. Kristy, you made me laugh, and the other fabulous commenters have given me great shopping tips!!! THANK YOU!!

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  48. As someone who was small enough for urban outfitters about a year ago (not anymore I'm one of those people that gains weight when I'm happy, lose it when I'm depressed, so I'll fluctuate all my life)their clothes are ridiculous and only the people who are concerned with labels actually shop there for clothes. I will say it's one of the only places that consistently has triangle bras for those of us with the small girls that are not big enough for underwire. *raises hand* I've also been on the plus side of clothes and all the women in my family who share the large bottom/chicken leg gene that I was blessed with are able to find jeans that fit, Macy's is a good place to try, especially with the "semi-annual" sales that happen every other week. ;) If you are looking for trendy plus size, there is a store called Torrid. I'm not sure what trends they're carrying right now, but you might want to take a look.

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  49. Amen to sleeves, please! Gah. Love this post.

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  50. Lots of unsolicited advice ahead (and let me know if you want an SF shopping buddy, I have helped many of my friends with these issues)

    First, no one over 25 should consider shopping at Urban Outfitters, or Anthropologie or any related store. Those places tend to have clothes that lack "structure" which we usually need a bit of as we age.

    Stick to the department stores, Nordstrom, Macys, Bloomies. You need somewhere with a lot of choices, not a limited inventory.

    Check out The Pocket Stylist by Kendall Farr, great book. This helped me figure out what I should have in my wardrobe to make dressing easy.

    I have found the best strategy is to focus on one or just a few pieces you are looking for on each shopping trip, otherwise it gets overwhelming, fast.

    Also, shop now! Don't wait until you lose more weight, you deserve to look and feel good at every stage of your journey!

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  51. You might try Ashley Stewart, too: http://www.ashleystewart.com/ashleystewart/index.jsp

    I've found some really cute stuff there.

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  52. I suggest subscribing to Lucky magazine to start you down the path of discovering your age-appropriate style. Glamour also does a monthly feature where they do wardrobe makeovers on different body types and tell you where you can buy everything.

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  53. You said it! And I hate to be the bearer of bad tidings but it won't get better either. As you mature (euphemism for get old) you'll find fewer and fewer clothes that are suitable. There's a whole herd of us boomers (WITH MONEY TO SPEND!!) out here waiting for the clothing manufacturer who has sense enough to make clothes suitable for us but so far no takers.

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  54. Since I am a visual learner, I really appreciated the pictures...especially since I feel your pain.

    I'm a very solid size 14, but trying to lose weight. Nothing fits right, and I am determined not submit to wearing a leopard print moo-moo.

    Your blogs make me LOL. Thanks.

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  55. I would almost go as far as to say that built-in collar looks an awful lot like a dickie!

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  56. You've received tons of advice about clothes, but not much about hair. I'm a fairly large girl (on the cusp of Plus) so I go to a stylist who is definitely plus sized. She would never give me a cut that would make my face (or neck, or chin(s)) bigger. No matter how sad my wardrobe is, and believe me, it's REALLY sad, I always feel amazing after a good haircut!

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  57. I love this post! and please don't feel bad, I'm 26 and I have all of those 3 strikes against me too! I feel your pain!

    Keep on writing your blog is awesome :-)

    -Martha

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  58. I second the comment about Glamour--they even have an annual what jeans work for what figure types issue. They do the same thing for bathing suits (ackkkk!)
    And they're realistic about pricing/people's budgets.

    Oldnavy.com started doing reviews (how sizing of that item works, how thin/thick the fabric is, etc)...and they do not censor their shoppers--it's all out there and honest.

    I'd go to the library and just go through a pile of Glamours and Luckys at the same time--gives you the overall view.

    Every once in a blue moon qvc has some decent options---other times it's scaryland.

    Keep us posted!

    Oh, and when you find something you like--buy it in every color!!!

    word verification--manous..."if you manous to find somefing that works, let us know"

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  59. LOL loved the post. I am somewhere in between plus size and junior if that makes sense. I can wear junior sized pants but the tops have to be plus sized to fit and it is a complete trainwreck. There are lots of us that feel your pain. P.S. I don't usually pay too much attention to the latest trends because, like you, I just don't get them. I wear what is comfortable to be and I just don't care what anyone else thinks.

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  60. I can't stop laughing long enough to write a comment that would make any sense.

    ...and that's all I got. :)

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    ReplyDelete
  62. I am so glad I don't have anything to drink in my mouth right now....I am SOOO LOLing here....I happened along your blog and WOW...I'm so with you and these trends...I can't decipher them nor do I think I want to......LMBO

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  63. this would be hilarous if it were not completely true!
    Ah well the fashion struggle for all non nymph like model will continue, for now...

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  64. Maybe this was mentioned already, but Torrid.com has stylish plus sized clothing. It wavers a bit on the juvenile side, but there are gems to be found. I'm 27, plus sized and also having a quarter life crisis of not understanding the fashion of young people but tired of this idea that chubby girls should be wearing patterned sheets for shirts.

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