Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Crazy Singing Cat Lady

I believe I responded about this a long time ago, following a thread on my friend's now-defunct blog, but I was too lazy to go look for it I couldn't find it, so I thought it was worth bringing up again.

I currently live alone, in a small apartment, with two cats.

Now, I do love animals and I did grow up in a household that doubled as a zoo. But we always had dogs as kids, not cats. And when we finally did get a cat, I was already in my late teens. I had formed the "cats have no personality" and "cats are aloof" opinion that most people who have never lived with cats develop. I didn't know.

Oh, I learned.

When my ex and I moved into our first apartment together, it was the first time I'd lived anywhere for any extended period of time and not had a pet. And it was lonely.

My philosophy was to wait until we could afford a house and get a dog.

But he ("he" being my stupid ex) was partial to cats, and I -- having no real objection, though far less enthusiasm -- said okay.

So I researched, found a home-raised litter of non-purebred Russian Blues, and went and got one. One. For our small apartment. The next day, however, we went to work, and I came home at lunch to find him howling and moaning -- he did NOT like being alone. I felt horrible and guilty for having plucked him from his family only to dump him into an empty apartment, so that evening, I did the only sensible thing I could think of: I went and picked up one of his brothers.

That was well over eight years ago, and the two cats continue to be the bane of my existence joys of my life.

I love them. I take care of them. They get the food they like, and treats galore. They have full domain over my entire living quarters. Sherlock knows how to play goalie, how to fetch -- even how to sit. (Don't believe me? See the video.) We all cuddle, we sleep together. I have even managed to find space for THREE litter boxes in my tiny apartment so that they might, possibly, sometime, occasionally ONLY use the litter boxes to pee in. Alas, they do not. But they could, and that is all that matters*.

But this post isn't intended to bitch about how living with two sheddy cats isn't especially fulfilling or pleasant-smelling. Or about how Sherlock beats up his brother every chance he gets, or how Moriarty takes out his fear/aggression by peeing, basically, anywhere he feels like it.

It's about that other side of owning cats. The side that is actually filled with cuteness...

Hiding

and silliness...
Ish-Sherlock-Close

and charm...


and unexpected delight...

Sherlock camped out in the center of my tutu of his own volition.

...that happens every day you share your life with a cat.

(That is, if you bother to look for it. Sometimes you may forget how adorable your little purr-purrs are when you're stepping in a hairball with your bare feet in the middle of the night because the little darling waited until you were asleep to hock it up, quietly, at the foot of your bed.)

Specifically, I am talking about the strange and almost universal affect that pets -- and cats in particular -- have on us.

The affect that inspires us create and SING SONGS to them. For them. About them.

Bad songs. Ridiculous songs. Songs that make no sense and that the cats (or other pets) pretend they couldn't care LESS about, but which you sing with fervor because you know -- KNOW -- that they secretly love it. Love. It.

I don't actually have a LOT of songs for my cats (erm, though I think when you get to the crazy-cat-woman part of your life where you're qualifying how many songs you sing to your kitties? The point is mostly moot).

Moriarty, for example, only has one song. But before I get to it, I must also point out that most songs don't just come out of nowhere. They seem to come out of the nicknames we first create for our pets.

After we got Sherlock home and then got (Professor) Moriarty, we discovered that "Moriarty" is really hard to say.

moriarty3
Moriarty is also really hard to move.

So I started calling him Monster, instead. Except when I pronounce it, I am required by single-woman law to use some form of baby-talk, so his name comes out as "Mosser."

And then that often morphs into "Mosser-Butt."

I know. This is what happens when I'm totally honest with you.

So then -- and I'm not sure where or why this occurred to me -- but um. Remember that Simpsons episode where Homer starts driving a plow? And he calls himself Mr. Plow? And then he writes a jingle for himself? Well, he does.

It goes:
Call Mister Plow, that's my name
That name again is Mister Plow

It's very catchy, too. Here's a wav of it if you'd like to listen.

Thus:

Mosser-Butt, that's his name
That name again is Mosser-Butt


Because I am a creative genius.

But it gets better!

Years and years ago, back during the Ally McBeal days, their wacky law firm had a talent show for Christmas. And Peter McWhatshisbucket, "The Biscuit" character, sang "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas." I had never heard that song before (with good reason), but once I did, it got stuck in my head for weeks. This, in turn, resulted in me calling everything "-opotamus," even though that's like the opposite of a nickname. It's awkward to say, it doesn't just roll off the tongue, and it adds FOUR syllables to any other word.

Yet that is how Sherlock became Sherlock-opotamus.

Well, except I do tend to shorten "Sherlock" to "'lock" when I'm being grossly cute. Which means that his name is often, "Lock-o-potamus" and/or MISTER Lockopotamus. Because you know how we crazy-single-cat-ladies are with the formal salutations and all.

(Also sometimes he becomes "Lock-a-les" as in "Hercules" except with "Lock" in place of "Herc." Yeah. I'm so fucking sexy.)

But back to the singing.

You know the theme song to I Dream of Jeannie? Think about it. Get it going in your head.

Got it?

Now sing with me:

Sher-LOCK!
Sher-lock-o-potamus
Sher-LOCK!
Sher-lock-o-potamus
Sher-LOCK!
Sher-lock-o-pot-a-MUS!
[pause]
Ba doop boop BOOP!


Hmm.

I will admit to being slightly horrified that I have shared this officially with the internet. And yet there it is, in all its ridiculous glory.

NOTE: If I were still totally single I would NOT have posted this. In fact, the ONLY reason I feel okay in doing this is that my boyfriend** ALSO has cats, and he ALSO has songs for them, and if he wants to give me a hard time about this, I will post his songs as well. (We call this "leverage," folks.)

Anyway!

Having shared this, I now turn to you.

It's YOUR turn.

Time to tell us your crazy pet-name songs.

Because it can't JUST be me, right?

Right?

Ba-doop-Boop-BOOP!



*I do not actually believe this, not for one second. I am now considering kitty prozac, and I am not kidding.

Ish Train
**Leon likes to ride piggy back!

61 comments:

  1. I don't have silly songs, but silly names, yes.

    The parrot starts out with a silly name: "Pookie." However, she is also occasionally:

    Beak O' Death
    Shrieky Beak
    Pook-Monster
    Monsterbird
    Schweinevogel

    Then there's P.K., our calico cat. P.K. originally stood for "Porch Kitty" because she turned up on our porch one day. Now it can be:

    Pretty Kitty
    Precious Kitty
    Pouncy Kitty
    Perfect Kitty
    Pugnacious Kitty

    And so on.

    Finally, we have Chubby Huggs, named for a character in the "Get Fuzzy" comic strip. Sometimes I call him "Buster," after the character in "Arrested Development." But he is also "Mr. Pathetic" when he cries and "Mr. Wonderful" when he is schmoozing with sweetie.

    You know, I post more often (and at greater length) on your blog than on my own.

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  2. My husband will kill me for admitting these nicknames for our dog. We are so pathetically in love with her, it makes us total losers.

    Real name: Scout
    Nicknames that have evolved over the past four years:
    Scouter-Router
    Scout master
    Boots (b/c she has white feet that look like boots - we're so damn creative)
    Boot Knocks
    Knocks
    Boot Knocks McGlocks (wtf? I know, it makes no sense!)
    Brown dog (again, the creativity is astounding)
    asshole, shitbag, dumb ass, and many more expletives when she gets into the trash!

    As for songs, there are oh so many that I won't even begin to take up your time with them. Just know that you are NOT the only crazy animal person out there!

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  3. No songs for me/us either - but that's probably because I cause other people (and sometimes myself) pain when I sing. (And I have your "Sher-LOCK! Sher-lock-o-potamus" song stuck in my head now, thanks)

    Just like Sam above though, I have a ton of nicknames for my dog, real name Sierra:

    BigWhiteDog
    Snufflupagus
    Your Highness
    Doggie (said just like the little girl says "Kittie!" in Monsters, Inc)
    MonsterChild
    PigPen
    LittleOne (She's a 120lb Great Pyrenees)

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  4. I have a dog and a cat, and I couldn't even tell you where their stupid nicknames came from. Glad to know I'm not the only one.

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  5. I never had songs for my roommate's dogs, but I did give them a lot of nicknames. Colby the massive lab became Big Guy, Buddy, Harvey (he acted like a grumpy old man a lot of the time, complete with old man grunty noises), and Snugglebear only because I was sure that if he understood English, he would have been horrified by this nickname. Feta the hyper mutt was LAY-DEE, Silly, Pillow (because she was fluffy and white and so I could lay on her and then say "Hold still, Pillow!" and "Stop licking me, Pillow!"), and Cuddlebug on the off chance she'd let you hold her for a few seconds without headbutting you.

    I also gave them their own voices. Now that said roommate lives across the country, I am sometimes required to do these voices into the phone because they crack us up.

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  7. I use songs all the time for my cats. My favorite one is to the Oscar Meyer weiner song.

    My kitty has a first name
    It's D A I S Y
    My kitty has a second name
    It's Eh Ef A Y E
    I love to kiss her every day
    and if you ask me why I'll say
    cuz Daisy Faye has a way with
    F E L I C I A

    Gawd I need a boyfriend.

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  8. No songs for the Dog, but her name is Tia and I usually call her TeePee, for obvious reasons, to me the crazy lady. Other names are:
    Pooper (you know, coz they poop)
    Poopyschmoopy (oh yeh, ralph)
    Hehe, I toilet trained the dog to go in the garden on cue, when I was drunk one night.
    As for songs, take what you do with your cats and that's what I do with my kids, only you should see the faces they make at me. LIke "How'd you come up with that?My Mum is a weirdo!". I can't even begin to embarrass myself on that front, even though I'm anonymous here.

    Kyls

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  9. At one point we had three cats in our lives, Libby, Sugar-Puss, and Snitter. And I would sing this song to them to the tune of "Here Comes Santa CLause"
    Here comes Sugar-Puss
    Here Comes Sugar-Puss
    Right Down Sugar-Puss Lane
    Libby on the right side,
    Snitter on the Left-side,
    Right down Sugar-Puss Lane.

    I can not believe I am sharing this with almost completely total strangers! But it is nice to know that others sing song to their cats. Nice to be weird in company!

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  10. My cat is Jake. And although he ALSO does not like being alone, he couples this with a tendency to think other cats are "snacks", and not "friends". Therefore, he is alone and he acts up. A LOT. So, sometimes when he is extremely bad and evil-being, my roommates and I, (including a very reserved guy who has never had a pet), sing together Jake's song:

    "POS-itive Atttention! Dun Dun!
    POS-itive attention! He wants,
    POS-itive Attention Dun Dun!
    POS-itive attention!"

    At least we enjoy it.

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  11. My older cat, Vera, was named for the Pink Floyd song, "Vera". And, well, when I would um, partake of herbal entertainment in my college days (yes, I've had her that long) my roommate and I would sing that to her.

    My other cat, Loretta, is so named from the Beatles' song "Get Back", hence her name is Loretta Martin and I tell her to get back. Even though she never does.

    I do sing to them, mostly some Imogen Heap song (I think it's her anyways) and one of the lines is "Why'd you have to be so cute?"
    And I sing it to them. Over and over and over again.

    Otherwise I just call them poopheads and wonder how many hairballs i have waiting for me when I get home. Aloud. I ask them and they just look at me and say, "Hi! Can we have more food?"

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  12. Wow, I am shocked and a little afraid of the timing of this post. Just this morning I mentioned to my sister that I am sick and tired of not having pets, and that I will be 'announcing' to my other half this weekend that will will be getting, no, not ONE cat, but TWO cats in the near future.

    Getting them despite the hair, pee and other unfortunate things that happen to nice pieces of furniture and clothing when you have cats.

    At this point I dont know if the cute names/songs has made me more sure of my decision, or if the talk of hairballs and pee has made me doubt it... maybe I will know in a few hours...

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  13. I have a miniature schnauzer named Lieutenent Dan...yeah we obviously didn't think that one thru when we named him...it takes ages to say. Obvious nicknames have evolved...Lew, Lew Dan, LD, and the usual Puppy love.

    The song - oh the song....to the tune of Neil Diamond's "Sweet Caroline"...here it goes.

    LIEU - te-nant Dan BA BA BA

    I'm so glad to see I'm not the only freak who sings to my pet...god love them and all their neuroses.

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  14. I tend to make the songs up as I go, it annoys the shit out of my husband. I have "Minus" and "Cujo" and I tend to just make things up to the tune of whatever is in my head. The cats LOVE it (I have decided, on their behalf)...

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  15. Oh my gosh, I haven't laughed harder in quite some time. I actually read this to my husband and said "see?!? we AREN'T the only crazy-weird people out there!"

    We have three pets, two cats and a dog. Their names are Jill (cat), Sophia (cat) and Lydah (dog)

    Those turn into:

    Jills
    Jillianya
    Jill-tastic
    Miss
    Missy
    The Miss

    Sophers
    Sophanya
    Sophenie
    Steeney
    Steens
    Soph-steeney

    Lyds
    Lydero
    Lydanya
    Lydena
    Lydonk (why?)
    Lydonkulous (really, why?)
    Liz
    Lizzy
    Lizzard

    Also, we do something worse than having mere songs. All of our animals "talk" except for the dog. Jill is antisocial, scared, and a bit promiscuous. Sophia is a total badass, who can wicked burn anyone and curses like a sailor.

    I know, it's pathetic. But feel special - I have never admitted the truth to anyone until now! It's a healing process, yes?

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  16. My husband has a song for my cat "Parsley" --
    Hey little parsley, parsley-poo,
    Hey little parsley, look at you!

    sad, but true.

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  17. I have two cats, and sing and talk to them way more than is normal. Mostly I just make up songs, but back when I just had my first cat (a male), I would hold him like a baby, rock him and sing Beyonce's Baby Boy ("Baby boy you stay on my mind, fulfill my fantasieeeeeees. I think about you all the time. I see you in my dreeeeeeeams.")

    ... ahem... anyway, I have lots of nicknames too.

    Ace is also known mostly as Big Daddy, but sometimes Acey or Love Bug.

    Tesla is also known as Meatball (because she's tiny with a big, fat, round stomach), Bug, Bugsy, Peanut, and Peanut Butter (I usually say this "PEA-nut Buuuuutteeeeeeeer!"). My fiance generally calls her T-Bone, T-Bird, T-Bag or any other such variation.

    Sheesh, can't wait to have kids and see what I end up calling them!

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  18. Found you thru BlogInterviewer and love your writing style. Will be back.

    And *ahem*

    I tend to sing Journey songs to my dog. He inspires bad 80's music. What can I say?

    His name is Bistro and sometimes we call him French Cafe or Beastifer or Roast Beastro or Stir Fry, when I'm mad cuz I'm Asian.

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  19. Oh yay! This got resurrected! And now I have a NEW place to post the song I sing to my dog.

    Which I find totally normal.

    Ahem.

    Dog's name: Dixie
    Dixie was named in deference to my lovely girlfriend's Southern heritage. Which means that when Dixie misbehaved as a pup, she jokingly got called a Yank, which has led to the song....

    She's a Dixie Doodle Dandy!
    A Dixie Doodle Do-or-die!
    A real-live puppy with some floppy ears,
    Adopted on Memorial Day!
    [Note fantastic near-rhyme.]
    She's got a little kitty sweetheart.
    He could care less about her!
    Dixie Doodle came to Oakland
    Prancing like a pony!
    She is my Dixie Doodle Dog!


    I am ashamed of how many exclamation points I had to use to express the vigor with which I sing this song.

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  20. Hahaha! These are some entertaining comments. Our dog’s nicknames seem to mostly refer to how he has no testicles and has stinky farts. Dexter is also affectingly known as Flappy, No Nuts, Buster, Stinky Dog, Poop Monster, dexSTAR (because he is so a supa star), Stumpy (he is an odd shape), Mister, and of course just Dex. My fiance is mostly the one that makes up songs for him, they tend to be spur of the moment and situational. However “His name is Dexter, he’s got no nuts” seems to come up pretty often. Simpsons songs have definitely been used for song fodder… Oh Dexter, you came and your brought me a turkey, on my vacation away from worky!

    Glad we are all weird. ;) That almost makes us normal…right?

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  21. I have a dog named Killian. 10 years...she doesn't respond to her name. So, instead, I call her:
    - Chicken
    - Beeky
    - Beekness
    - Chicken-beek
    - Beeky-boodle
    - Lola
    - Stinky-boot

    My other dog Durango...He just get's called "the Mango". A lot.

    And I sing various made up songs to them to the tune of "Frere Jacques".

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  22. oh, you make me laugh. which i really needed. :)

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  23. Dog's real name: Fiona
    But we call her:
    Feebs; Fiona Marie, Feebylicious, Boofy, Boofster,Dog Faced Dog, Miss Sassy Pants, Sissy, MuhSissy... there are more but I am now sorta embarassed...

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  24. Oh...I sing SO MANY songs to my dog...Jimmy Dean (as you well know). My personal favorite is sung to the tune of Billie Jean:

    Jimmy Dean is not a human
    He's just a dog who thinks that
    I am his mom

    Yeeeahhhh...you could say I'm a *little* crazy.

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  25. Hair-head
    Fuzz-head
    Fuzz-butt
    Fuzzer McShedinstien
    His Royal Hairiness
    Genius
    Your Catness
    Skookumchuck.

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  26. When my cat, Layla, is being fussy I call her "Fussy Pants" and I sing "What's new Fussy Pants? Woah woah woah woah..." to her. (To the tune of "What's New Pussycat?" I know - "cat" is already in the original song, and I take it out when singing it to my cat. Go figure.)

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  27. We don't have a song for our collie/sheppard named Rex but I just wanted to note that we constantly name him Rex with our family name (like Rex Smith). I've even introduced him this way to most people that have shown interest in him...and they all ask what's with the last name (with their disapproving looks). I would like to shove that question up their butt!! And really...why shouldn't he have a last name!

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  28. I'm mortified that I'm about to share my song - but here we go. Cat name: Zeus
    Nickname: Zeusie because she's a girl & I add "ie" to every name, even my boy cat (who's name is Chicken so he gets called Chicky an awful lot). ANYWAY. Zeus has a song. It goes like this:

    Alien head,
    Monkey Butt,
    Body of - a flounder.

    That's it. She's a bit of mutant & my husband used to sing that to her. Mean, huh?

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  29. I absolutely love this blog of yours! I have tons of songs for my dog whose name is Bob Marley. He loves when I sing to him and I wil stop and listen and crawl up into my lap at times when I serenade him. Here are a few:

    (Bob Marley's Jammin)
    We're Bobbin
    And I hope you like Bob Dog Too
    I hope you like Bob Dog
    I hope you like Bog Dog
    Cuase Bob Dog luhahaves you

    (Beyonce's Baby Boy)
    Baby Bob you stay on my mind
    fulfull my dog-icies
    Oh Bob Bob Bob

    (Bob Marley's No Woman No Cry)
    If I had no Bob Dog I'd Cry
    Boo
    If I had no Bob Dog I'd Cry

    Of course, please keep in mind that I often bust out into song during other times for other people and other animals as if I'm living in a musical...

    And I too can only confess this because at this moment I'm not single and my boyfriend adores my bizarre sing songy life :)

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  30. When you live in a household populated by 3 cats (Grendel, Holden, and Mama) and 2 dogs (Milo & Sancho), of course the nicknames abound. My favorites (in the order of the pets above) are Purrbucket, Bugmusher, the fat bitch, Miloskevitch, and Pantaloons.

    Good to see that others refer to their pups by color ("big brown dog" and "lil' blue dog"), and totally pleased that someone else uses the word "Poopers" (I frequently embarrass myself in public by exclaiming "Aww, look at the wee pooper!" without thinking).

    My boyfriend gets the poops all riled up by doing his (dancing-involved) rendition of "Sancho-mancho Man" to the tune of the Village People's "Macho Man."

    But I think my favorite pet song ever was the opus penned by my former roommates to the tune of Guster's "Either Way" the day before Milo went in for the big snip-snip... in which the chorus required crooning "Milo's baa-aaallls!"

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  31. Here's hoping Blogger will let me comment on your actual blog this time...

    Now that I am among my people I can admit that I have a long history of giving pets nicknames.

    When I was little we had a dog named Jeeter and we called her "Skeeter". As kids we thought we were hi-larious. But the real hi-larity ensued when we had a little baby chick that we called Junior. We would even baby talk to this little chicken and call it "Joon-Joon". My father, who was inebriated during most of my childhood, misunderstood what we were saying and thought we were calling it "Spoon-Spoon". (Henceforth, anything that was littler or younger than someone else has been referred to by my sister and I as "spoonior".

    Then in the 70's we had a cat that was named after the Elton John Song, "Honkey Cat", so of course we would sing that song to her all the time. Unfortunately we lived in a very ethnic neighborhood and thought better of calling our cat "Honkey" and thus referred to her as "Miss".

    My boyfriend had 2 dogs that were given names in what I can only imagine was a drug induced stupor. The german shepherd was named "Smoker" and the little white terrier was named, "Benzadrine" but was known as "Benz". I didn't like those names so I called them "Mokey Moke" and "Beatle Bug". Belive it or not this bothered boyfriend so I could only call them this when he wasn't listening. (yeah, I can really pull one over on THE MAN.)

    Then I had a cats named Jennifer Emily and Muffin Matilda. Of course they were only referred by their whole names when they were in trouble. My kids and I often stumbled on Jennifers name and it would come out as "Fennifer", which was shortened to "Fen", which was elongated to "Fenny Fen", which was changed to "Fenny Foo", which was changed to "Foo Foo", which was often switched up to be "Fee Fi Fo Fum".

    I got Jennifer when the Tom Petty song, "Free Falling" was popular and that quickly became her song. "She's a goooood girl, loves her mamaaaa".

    Muffin Matilda was usually called Muffy, but then after hearing about a political figure in Hawaii who's first name was "Mufi",(Moo-fee) we usually called her that instead. I would usually sing to her in the tune of "Waltzing Matilda". "Muffin Matilda, Muffin Matilda, you'll come a walzting Matilda with me..."

    Now that I see all of this in writing it is crystal clear to me why both of those kitties bit me bad enough to cause me to go to the emergency room on more than one occasion.

    Now that I have Ashleigh, Lorenzo and Elija, I think I will stick with their semi respectful nick names: Ashey & Renzo. Elijah is just a baby and I haven't given him a nickname yet. They also don't have any songs because I think Ashleigh would scratch my tongue out if I sang to her and Lorezo is deaf so he can't hear. Elijah won't sit still long enough to listen to a song. The world is probably a safer place when I don't sing out loud.

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  32. We had a cat named leon, named so because of a line from the movie
    " Airplane" . And i quote, " and leon's getting larrrgger!"
    Some how in his 15 years of bringing sunshine to our home, we started calling him ree ree, and that got turned into ree ree bob, and of course baby talk took over and he was called WeeWee bob. He was huge and orange, and calling him WeeWee bob was quite the laugh riot!

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  33. Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice
    Bee- Bee- Beetlejuice

    To the tune of fast travel theme music

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  34. these comments are hysterical.i love that we all have multiple, insanely goofy nicknames/songs for our pets. ah - the dark secrets of pet ownership.

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  35. surely you haven't forgotten the OH SO FUN games that can be played with dear madison's name...

    who's happy to see me? it's GLAD-ison!
    wearing a kilt? she's PLAID-ison!
    getting your degree? you're GRAD-ison!
    war-torn city? bagDHAD-ison!
    funk song? superBAD-ison!
    voting scandal? hangingCHAD-ison!


    maddy
    mads pads
    madison bo badison
    maddy-maddy-not-a-fatty

    joey
    jo-jo
    j.a. (short for jackass)

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  36. My cat's name is Paws, so her song is "Funky Paws," a la Beastie Boys "Funky Boss." Her late predecessor was Goo, so of course Goo's number one song was Sonic Youth's Goo. But, I could substitute her name for "you" in any song on earth!

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  37. I have two cats, Billiam Billingsworth III (no, there isn't a I or II) and Sheumais Ainslie, Esq.

    Sheumais is a bit of a spaz so I call him Spaz, Scaredy Cat, Freak.

    Billium gets called... Bill.

    They both get called Baby Boy, Baby, Beautiful Boy, My Beautiful, Snoosher, Snooshkin, Snoosh, Snugglebug, Snugglepop, Little Fucker, Little Shit, Poop Machine, Greedy Guts... I'm sure there are more but I can't think of them.

    I do sing songs to them but they are generally made up on the spot.

    I don't think it's weird at all. The weird thing is that I don't reserve the nicknames for my cats, I have weird nicknames for my friends.

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  38. I have tons of songs and nicknames for my two pups, but what I found really odd and amusing is that I, too, add "o-potamus" to any ridiculous, inane, or weird goings-on at work. Fast tracking to promotion, that's me.

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  39. Maggie
    =Maggaluh
    =Maggie-ba-daggie

    Zoot
    =Zooty-wooter
    =Zooty-wooterton

    I know I sing them songs but I can't think of any of them right now. I do have a song that I sing whenever I make instant mashed potatoes, though, so you know. There's that.

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  40. Oh wow! And I have half a cat blog entry going that I didn't post yesterday due to lack of time, lol!

    Luna, our tabby kitty, became Tuna, then Tunafish, then Fish the Fish-fishy-fish-bitch.

    Because she really is a crabby bitch much of the time. Female cats, quite touchy.

    Jake, our current Tuxedo Twin (with his brother Elwood, who promptly became "Woody" but you have to say "WOODY" in an impossibly high-pitched voice) morphed into "Jakie Wakie Eggs and Baccy".

    I have NO clue why. And we do sing about him to the tune of the "Eggs and Baccy song".

    Of which there isn't one.

    Except our *ahem* made-up one.

    Actually, I think we picked it up from a Gordon Ramsay show at one point.

    O_o

    Am I weirding you out enough yet? ahahah...

    Jiggy, our other stray that adopted us, is Jiggity-jig-jig, Mr. Wisconsin (from his Wedge o' Cheesehead nick), Burly Boy and Meathead. Or just Meat.

    He's huge. Like a boxer with a big old head. But very sweet.

    I could go on with the other many cats I've had in my life (once my entire family, who are all musicians, sang in harmony on *tape* (which I still have) to one of our cats in homage to his name but I'll spare ya. :)

    Good blog, thanks. Much better than my draft on my cats. hehehe. :)

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  41. stevie newton-john3:04 PM, October 20, 2007

    I suddenly feel so much less alone in both the universe, and my life as a single trying-to-lose-weight 30-something girl in a small apartment with two cats who I sing to.

    I'm so glad I stumbled upon your blog!

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  42. Nicknames for cats? OF COURSE!!!

    Prowler:
    Prowler Pants
    Mr. Handsomness
    Prowler-wowler
    Harfy McHarfster (only after hitting upholstered or carpeted surfaces)
    FuzzButt
    Fuzznoodle

    Shelby:
    Shelby Sue
    Shelby-welby
    The Mysterious Bathtub Pooper (not so mysterious, now that we know who poos in the tub when the litterbox just isn't good enough!)
    Baby Girl
    Fuzz Lump
    Pretty Princess
    Princess Pants

    And they both have songs! Which I sing at the top of my lungs, for no good reason other than I can.

    Prowlers is sung to the tune of Flipper:

    He's Prowler, Prowler, Prowler, the handsomest kiiiiiiity.
    He's furry and cute, the best kitty there iiiiiiiisssss!
    Prowler, Prowler, Prowler the handsomest kiiiiiityyyyy!
    I loves you lots, my furry fuzz butt!

    Shelby is sung to Peggy Sue:

    Oh, Shelby Sue, my Shelby Sue, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty Shelby Sue. Oh Shelby, my Shelby Sue-who-who-ooo-who-who-who! I love you yes I do my Shelby Sue-oo-who-oo!

    Sometimes this also involves the cat "dancing" with their front legs while laying on my lap. Or them clawing my arm off. Either way.

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  43. Isn't the entire point of getting pets that you can spend the next decade or two giving them goofy nicknames? In any case, my dogs growing up never seemed to mind.

    A friend and I have "beagle songs". He has two dogs, but for some reason the beagle (Barney) lends himself very well to ditties. (The other dog gets more of the dumb nicknames, like Gordito Supreme, so it balances out.)

    A sample of beagle songs:

    "Arooo? Is it me you're looking for...?"

    "Barney is a beagle in the marketplace, Gordie is a singer in the band..."

    "Beagle in reeeeed, is howling at me, endlessly..."

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  44. Oh darlin', I regularly sing to Mr. Riley Face Pussycat Head III, Esq. I change regular songs to pussycat songs. Christmas carols are a favorite ("Deck the halls with boughs of pussycats, meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow..."), but I think his absolute favorite is my take on Hole's "Doll Parts" - or, "Cat Parts":
    I am cat parts
    Cat eyes
    Cat legs
    I am cat arms
    Fat tail
    Fuz-zy...
    Someday you will meow like I meow...

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  45. Wow, I had no idea other people were this crazy too. I have a mini schnauzer named Mr. Bojangles (because we are formal with each other and he dances.) When we are feeling comfortable with each other I call him "Bo." Anyway, his song is set to "There is no Business like Show Business"

    There is no schnauzer
    Like Bo schnauzer
    Like no schnauzer I know

    Everything about him is appealing
    Everything his Mama* will allow
    No where can you get that special feeling
    Than when he's wrinkling
    His furry brow

    There's no schnauzer
    Like Bo schnauzer
    Like no schnauzer I know

    Even when he chases a squirrel up a tree
    And he yips and yips with glee
    Thank goodness in the house he doesn't pee
    There's no schauzer like Bo!

    *I, of course, am the Mama.

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  46. Her name is Luna
    And she loves tuna
    And she's a boon-a to-a my liiiiife!

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  47. My cat Raquel's nickname is Tootie.
    My cat Oliver's nickname is Booger.
    My dog Otis's nickname is Otis P. Jones.
    My dog Layla's nickname is Layler, La-La (after my mom wrote her name as "Lala" on vet forms), Squirt Diddle (my favorite!), and You Little Shit.

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  48. Great blog post!

    We have a Russian blue too. Named Maceo after a Jane's Addiction song (the boyfriend's one rule for cat ownership). He has many songs mainly about his weight problem...

    Obesio you are the fattest cat
    Oh how we love you
    O-be-si-o

    and my favorite, for when I am fighting with him as a weight loss technique (his and mine):

    Aggravation is exercise, Mr. Man
    Frustration equals fitness, Mr. Man
    When you try to kill me you will burn many calories.
    Aggravation is exercise, Mr. Man

    I feel dirty now :)

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  49. My lab's name is Willa Cather (not only am I a crazy dog lady, I'm also an English nerd too). I always thought I was crazy for having songs for her.
    An old boyfriend actually got me hooked on one though- he used to sing the Casper song to her. You know: "Wiiiilla, the friendliest pup, the friendliest pup I know" and she would wag her tail lovingly and smile at him.
    My chihuahua, Rios (named for Rivers Cuomo), gets every Weezer song sang to him as well as the unfortunate nickname of "Ri-ri"

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  50. Oh yes, you are TOTALLY not alone here. I sing my cats songs ALL the time.

    Eva Bay-bee
    You know you are the one that I love
    Oh my bay-beee
    You know you are the one who can purr
    Eva Bay-beee
    You know you are the one that I love
    to scratch
    and play when you're on your back!

    I don't know the name of the real song, but my little girl responds only to "Eva baby" and comes RUNNING when I call it out.

    I wrote about my cats today. No, you're definitely not alone in your crazy cat lady status. :)

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  51. i'm so late to the party here, but i realized that i actually have two little tunes that i repeatedly sing to my cat. i have no idea why these stuck, but they did! her name is dorothy parker, dottie for short. so she gets:

    1) the davy crockett theme
    "dot-tie...dottie parker!"

    2) elton's john's little jeannie
    "lit-tle dot-tieeee..."

    so fricking amusing, this stuff.

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  52. After my divorce ten years ago, in another state, I realized I wanted company (Sorry, Transition Boy. That wasn't meant as a criticism about you.), but I didn't have time for a dog, and I'm allergic to cats. On impulse, I bought a dwarf hamster and named him Alcatraz. Hilarious, right? Cos he lived in a prison? Har har. He was so cute but not an itsy-bitsy miniature dog, so I got another one and named him Avalokiteshvara. That's the female logic that men live in terror of.

    Avalokiteshvara is the name of the Buddhist god of compassion, and when you say his name with the right mindfulness, it is like saying a prayer for the world. No one I knew gave a good goddamn about this -- until they met my little dwarf hamster. Then they made me repeat Ahvahlow-keeteh-shahvahrah until they could say it.

    Years later, a crazy ex (clinically crazy, Christopher Titus's mother crazy) gave me a dwarf hamster, which I named Peter Dinklage, in HONOR of the actor with dwarfism of the same name. I called him Dink for short. Yes, FOR SHORT. I said it.

    Then my brother gave me a dwarf hamster which I named Pepper Ray, cos she was a feisty fighter (not Sugar Ray, see?).

    You know, I want to say to these men giving me dwarf hamsters, I'm still menstruating -- WTF?

    Just found your blog, like, two days ago and already girl-crushing you like mad.

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  53. We had this song that my husband started for our dear, departed dog:

    "Oh I have a dog his name is Theo--woof, woof, woof woof.
    He is a friend to Alli & me-o-- woof, woof, woof woof.
    He goes for a walk four times a day,
    When he's outside he likes to play,
    Because he always has a way,
    To make his poops and pee-os."

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  54. My poor baby is a 20lb Shiba Inu (or however you spell it). His name is Charles Emerson Griffin. This name has nothing to do with either me or my boyfriend but when rearing anything you really do need 3 names to yell, in order to appropriately get your point across.
    Charlie gets to sing all the time. He does one to Coco Cabana which he particularly enjoys that goes:

    My name is Charlie,
    I am the boober.
    I toss my own toys down the stairs,
    and rub dirt into my hair.
    Cause I spend to much,
    time on the sofa.
    I am the boober and no one can catch me when I'm hiding,
    Under the chair.
    (Not a great lyracist but I give him points for effort).

    He has a few other but the only other really popular one is that anyone who comes into the house makes him sing and dance to I'm a little teapot. He is not a fan but he is just so darn cute and being small there's not much he can do about it.

    Gotta love them for all they put up with!

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  55. We have a zoo:
    Cockatiels, two: Dexter (Dexter's Laboratories) and Tatzu (Rollercoaster @ Six Flags).
    One Conure: Jackson, the loudest.
    One guinea pig: Popcorn (because he pops and jumps and looks like caramel topped popcorn)
    and last but not least our baby:
    Spanielmix: Cooper aka. Coops, Poops, Shnookiepoo, Puppie, etc.

    I stopped singing to the pets the day my daughter caught me in front of the bird cages, singing something (it might have been the anthem - why not something easier?), and she commented, "Wow, Mom, you are so tone-deaf" Thanks.

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  56. Very cute post. Love that he sits on command.

    Am I alone in finding amusement with this line.. ?

    "After we got Sherlock home"

    I have two felines Zephyr who simply gets Zeph, and Skittles who sometimes gets Skitty Kitty. That's about it. I don't dare sing to my cats because I want them to love me.

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  57. sadly, i am single, so this confession will remain anonymous, and also may serve as somewhat of an explanation of said status (i never realized how pets can make you daft).

    Lola, miniature pinscher extraordinaire, naturally gets the first verse of copa cabana "her name was Lola..." as well as "Looola, Lo-Lo-Lo-Lo Looola." most people she meets break into either song upon introduction. even the sane ones. she's adept at breaking tough guys down into cooing, affectionate baby-talkers. yeah, it's pretty convenient.

    but i've also bestowed upon her Lolie, Lolie-Bolie, Lola-Bola, Widdle-Biddle (Biddle for short), Booga or Booga-Lolie, Whosha-mybaby, and any variation, repitition, or combination from the list. i swear i'm not that goolie-mouthed! maybe in private.

    she adores the affection, but she fancies herself as much more than a lapdog in need of coddling. aside from Sentry, Official Welcoming Comittee, Lotion Remover, and Assistant Chef/Vacuum, she's also the resident, self-appointed Cat Herder, a job she takes quite seriously. among her many duties, she will race to the scene when she hears a cat being scolded. Beau and Belle are not pleased.

    Beau is also known as Bo-Bo and Bo-Bo Kitty, and Mr. Beau. If you knew him, you'd understand that he's not suited for the informality of nicknames. He is, after all, a tuxedo kitty. His fluffier twin sister, Belle, sometimes goes by Belle-Belle, Baby Belle, and Bellicima, but is often unceremoniously yet lovingly called Belly.

    after having read this blog and all of the comments, i'll definitely be less quick to quelsh my own musical renderings. it's ok to indulge the lunacy. in fact, i should probably be singing pet-inspired diddies right now instead of noodling around online.

    i haven't read much of the blog yet, having just discoverd it, but it seems like you're a living, breathing Bridget Jones (whom i adore, how can you not). accurate?

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  58. now that is freaking hilarious.
    I however do not sing songs to my cat.
    I sing 'em to my dogs.
    my one dogs name is Teddi - so of course I must sing Elvis Presleys -Teddy Bear
    and then the 2nd one's name is Beans - so she ummm get't the magical fruit song.

    And yet somehow I managed to get married.

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  59. I'm a year behind, but the Lock-a-potamus song had me laughing too hard not to join in. :)

    My dog's name is Ava, but she responds to pumpkin, pot roast, vile schnauzer, kleine hunde, baby dog, Aver baby, schnoodle, and pumpkin-lumpkin.

    Isolde, one of my cats, responds to Izzy and "skinny titten". Riley is always "Rirey". Belladonna has the most nicknames ... Bella-belladonna, FAT Bella, Fatty B, Fatty McBella, Chubber Kitten, and for the first year of her life, just plain Fucker. :)

    I sing to them all the time, usually nonsense or to theme songs. Imagine "Fatty BELLA, fatty CAT, fatty BELLA, fatty CATCATCAT!" to the tune of Indiana Jones for instance ...

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