Monday, March 20, 2006

Tax Law? Cheese-Making Documentary? Drying Paint?

No? Not exciting? Well then have I ever got a treat for you!!!

Because here we have a post about my laundry!

Wait, no! Make that ANOTHER post about my laundry!

Am I the most interesting blogger on the planet or WHAT?

YES! I! AM!

so remember back when i first tried to write about LA? and went on about sorting laundry? well, it was an even LONGER entry at first, until i decided to delete the part about what's looming in and around my closet to save for "later."

were you waiting? because i have GREAT news! it is "later" NOW.

(don't ask what's going on with my capitalization. i will tell you right now that i do not know.)

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here is what lies in my bedroom/closet area (note that my thoughts on this are FAR more organized than the matter at hand):

Stack A: the top layer of the "hamper." this is comprised of recently worn but now dirty clothes. clothes that must be washed before i wear them again, and i want to wear them again. someday. HOWEVER, this stack is not to be confused with...

Stack B: [note: we use the term "stack" loosely here.] "Stack" B is actually the top-most layer of dirty clothes, generally strewn about my apartment. these are the clothes i wear most regularly, and thus go from being worn to being hung on the backs of chairs, thrown on top of Stack A or D, or thrown elsewhere until eventually i have to clean my apartment. if i'm being lazy, this results in Stack B disguising itself as Stack D. (it is not. more on this later.) if i'm being good, Stack B clothes find their way to a bag which i will, eventually, take across the street to the wash 'n' fold.

Stack C: these are the poor clothes that lay beneath Stack A, and have fallen victim to one of three fates that allow me to, essentially, forget about them:
  1. once upon a time i cleaned out my closet and decided to wash all the clothes i wear regularly. because that meant a good 6 - 8 loads, i had to leave some clothes behind. thus, those clothes that are either designated as "gym clothes" or "hanging out" clothes ( i.e., not wearable in public but not worth tossing out), were not needed in the immediate wash. they stayed in the bottom of the "hamper." they have been there for months. quite possibly over a year.
  2. they are desginated as "linens." mostly "linens" are napkins that i used for a "formal" dinner and then threw into the "hamper," never to be seen again. because when you only use formal napkins for formal dinners, and you only have one guest for formal dinners, and they only happen once every six months or so, there always seem to be clean linens still waiting in the linen closet.
  3. this is really most unfortunate. see, every time i try and clean out my whole closet and get to the point where ALL the clothes i own are clean and laundered AT THE SAME TIME, i decide to start "fresh." which means actually using the "hamper" as a hamper. on the idea that when the hamper gets full, i will launder those clothes in it EVEN THOUGH I STILL HAVE CLEAN CLOTHES TO WEAR.

    to restate: imagine that all my clothes are clean. i start by wearing all my favorite outfits first. then i throw them into the hamper. after a couple weeks, i SHOULD launder those clothes. instead, i just keep going through ALL the clean clothes, until eventually the clothes i like least are the ones on top (becoming Stacks A and B) and the clothes i like best become buried, as Stack C.

    the only thing good about sorting through all my closets yet again is that when i get to the layer that is Stack C, i'm always happy to see clothes i love that i forgot i owned.

Stack D: stacks of clean clothes. these are neatly folded in the top shelf of my closet and on top of the dresser that i have inside my closet (to save space in my bedroom). much in the way that "strangers are just friends you haven't met," i feel that "Stack D is made of clothes that just haven't gotten lost in the bottomless hamper of doom."

* * * *

see? that was TOTALLY better than paint.

18 comments:

  1. Photos would be great. Because in my mind, you live in an apartment filled to the brim with clothing--some folded neatly and some strewn all over. I imagine if someone wanted to sit down they would pull up a pile of stack D clothes covered in a layer of stack B.

    And then I get jealous because I don't have enough clothes to get through more than maybe a week and a half.

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  2. As a writer, go deeper! While this is funny to read, it is surface. Was expecting by stack d to be shown some depth of your insight/personality. Get to the emotion of the stacks and you'll pack a whalloping entry.

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  3. Okay, the anonymous English teacher comment on your post was quite funny, but I think you really need to change your approach to laundry and clothing. Perhaps the best way to do this would be to allow everyone who comes into the house to take a piece of clothing away with him or her. Then you would end up only with the items that moved you to shriek, "No! You can't have that!" And these clothes you could simply take to the laundry every week, and then take them home clean and put them away.
    Really, a bottomless hamper of doom is not something you want in your home, is it?

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  4. Okay.
    So you know that I'm going to need to come to your house with my Flip 'N' Fold now, right?

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  5. I have the same sorting method. Stack D always makes me the saddest at first, but when you finally get there, isn't it great? STACKS! Of once-lost clothing! HURRAH!

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  6. i second pieces... i have nowhere near enough clothes to ever find myself in said predicament. i can stretch clothes for about 3 weeks if i try, and that's really only because i have progressively bought enough underwear and socks to last me that long. i'm TOTALLY the girl who has gone to target to buy new underwear instead of having to wash the stuff in my hamper.

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  7. Do you ever feel that some of your clothes have bad self-esteem because they are not your favorite clothes and they don't get worn a lot?

    I do....

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  8. Ericha2@comcast.net12:59 PM, March 22, 2006

    ok...some day you'll have to cave and listen to me.

    Go to this site http://www.alabastercleaners.com/

    and call them and let them come to your door and pick up your wash and fold and dry cleaning. When they're done, they bring them back to you. It normally takes like 2 days, tops. Most of the time 24 hours is enough.

    so take out 3 outfits and enough underwear for 3 days and separate the other stuff into trash bags (you can even give them a note telling them exactly how you want each load done) and CALL THEM!

    Then you don't even have to lug the stuff across the street. Alabaster Rocks! Oh, and they pick up early in the morning or late at night. It works with any schedule.

    Good luck!

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  9. Holy crap. I have never written a post that long any subject.

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  10. Shari, when I was a kid my favorite color crayon was black--because no one ever used it and I felt sorry for it.

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  11. whinger- do you really have a flip n fold? that thing looks so cool- it must be how the clean people live!

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  12. O.K. but have you ever been late for (work, date, meeting, gym) because you could not find matching socks? Or better yet, clean matching socks? I now by one kind of sock. Black. The problem now is that some are lighter then others so not it is a search for similar shades....

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  13. When I read your post, I had totally just been watching a cheese-making documentary, I AM SO SERIOUS. It was actually a documentary about a cloistered nun who was doing research on the micro-organisms that make cheese good. She went to France and got inducted into a cheese-maker's guild and everything. Crazy!

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  14. Melissa - I DO have a flip 'n' fold.
    I am not proud about it, but it does make my t-shirts all lined up and pretty.

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  15. I would totally watch a cheese-making documentary.

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